What you wish you were taught about money and earning it in a way you love?

[BetterCare]

Sorry, this is a bit of a long one, so I thank you now if you make it to the end.

AIBU to ask what you wish you had been taught or learned, as you grew up, with regards to money, finances and how to earn it doing something you love?

It has been a tough couple of years. My Mum was home on palliative care at home for a year before she sadly passed away last year. A month after Mum was diagnosed my Dad was diagnosed with Dementia, and since Mum passed I have been caring for my Dad. The purpose of this post is not to give you a sop story but to give you a clue as to why I am thinking and asking about this subject.

The reason for this post is because it has been such a steep learning curve, over the past couple of years and has really got me thinking, worrying, researching………. Luckily my brother and I had the foresight to sort out Lasting Power of Attorneys just before all of this happened and since then we have been trying to sort out Mum and Dad’s finances. Luckily when Mum was sick her care was fully funded by Continuing Health Care, which is no mean feat because it was a constant battle to get the correct level of care and get the NHS to pay for it. However, it has been an eye-opener as to how much care costs. We are now having to plan any potential care costs that we may have to pay out for Dad. This has me worrying about how much I need to have put aside for any care I may need.

This has made me think about the whole area of money and life in general. Like I said Mum and Dad were not paid well and did jobs they didn’t enjoy very much. I was of that generation where following your dreams was never really talked about. I was expected to leave school, get a job and then all the things that come with that. I have had low paid jobs and high paid jobs and have hated every single one. I was well into adulthood before I learnt that you could do something you love and earn money from it.

I am asking because it is something that as you can read is on my mind a lot, I am thinking about the future for my Dad and myself. I don’t have children so I don’t have that added pressure. But I read too many Mumsnet posts that are an eye-opener and break my heart where women are left with the world on their shoulders. Ex partners that don’t pay or pay the minimum amount of maintenance, SHAMs who are unhappy in their relationships but feel forced to stay because they can’t afford to leave, women who take on jobs they hate because they need to work around school hours and child care, partners who are passing ships from long hours just to be able to pay the bills and at the extreme end the scary number of women who are in financially abusive relationships.

I think it has become more prevalent with lockdown which really seems to have widened the gap. I read somewhere it could take 40 years now to close the pay gap. It seems again women are bearing the brunt. Whilst men seemed to be able to return to work when requested, women are having to deal with limited or unavailable child care. During the lockdown, women seem to have taken on the bulk of homeschooling. Now its school holidays and some are finding that holiday clubs are not available. I know many women are worried about being made redundant, even fewer school hours and term time only jobs are available and we don’t know how this virus may still impact us. The list is endless.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but knowing what I know now and my own financial and job experience I have been asking myself what I wished I had been taught at school about finances, investing and also doing all this in a way that I would have loved. What I should have learnt in my 20s, 30s and taken action on? I think about niece now who will finish university soon I hope she is more financially savvy. This generation certainly has the resources available to learn but it is hard to think about being 60 when you are 20.

What do you wish you were taught about finances and money management and how you earn it as you grew up? Knowing what you know now what would you have done differently? Or has this pandemic, which changed our lives in such a dramatic way so quickly made you think differently?

I know this is not an AIBU in the strict sense but I think it is such an important topic I would be grateful to hear, as always from Mumsnet, your honest views. I may learn something that may set me on a new path and stop me panicking about old age and care costs.

I think I grew up with the expectation that.i would meet a man who would look after whereas in reality I am the main earner and I do find it stressful having the family dependent on me. My children wont have that expectation and I will prepare them to look after themselves. The biggest thing for me has been splitting my pay as soon as it comes into my account into bills/savings/spending/groceries&petrol so that I always know where I stand money wise.

I am lucky to be in a position where I can save for my children's future in a way my parents weren't able to for me so hopefully I can help them with uni costs and house deposits. Not starting life with a huge student loan will definitely make a difference their adult finances.

@Smallsteps88 I never saw that thread by @Xenia Is it still about? Could you tell us a bit more about it?

Hi @Love51 I’ve had a look for the thread but can’t find it. Though there are a couple I linked up thread with heavy input from Xenia along the same theme and worth taking a look at.

@Smallsteps88 thank you!

This is such a fascinating thread, thank you.

I would definitely echo all the comments about I wish we had been told a bit more about the vast variety of jobs out there - I just didn't know of the existence of jobs beyond the obvious professional (lawyer doctor engineer teacher) and trades (plumber electrician) etc etc. I was academic but had absolutely no idea what i wanted to do until well after university. And also about the importance of women standing up for themselves and not selling themselves short.

My parents are lefty fairly academic and yes, they definitely placed a huge emphasis on our education which I'm hugely grateful for. They never earned that much but obviously managed extremely well to stretch their money and we had a comfortable upbringing. Again, I'm hugely grateful for that. They didn't really teach us anything about managing money though apart from don't be extravagant. And what does slightly irritate me, or I think is a bit disingenuous is I am the only one who went into a v corporate role - still working my way up but am a relatively high earner with potential to be much more so, and I do sometimes feel like my lefty parents and brother think I've 'sold out' a bit / it's all a bit extravagant how much people earn in finance etc compared to other 'more worthy' jobs, which I'm not saying I disagree with. The thing that grates is both parents had the advantage of grants to go to university rather than starting out with a ton of student debt like my brother and I, house prices that were affordable for ordinary people on v average salaries so they bought their first flat at age 26 and it went from there, and both now have comfortable public sector pensions despite only working part time for a large part of their careers, together with periodic help from my more 'corporate' and quite wealthy grandparents . My brother and I have none of those advantages, and so it's only by dint of my 'selling out' into this v corporate role that I could afford to pay for my masters and further professional qualifications, that my partner and I do have a nice lifestyle, that we are saving for our wedding (I wouldn't expect my parents to fund this, and they certainly don't have the means to), and that we are saving for a house (same comment as above). My brother on the other hand is struggling somewhat, despite also being well educated and with a masters (which my parents funded - I have no issue with that) and has been living back with them for a number of years now. Given his area of passion, interest etc career wise I just don't see him being able to afford a house himself, and in real terms (due to the external factors I mentioned above) I think won't enjoy such a comfortable life that my parents benefited from.

Actually I think that the most important advice to give to young women is to insure their income stream. I worked hard at school as I saw education as the way out of an abusive family. Got a good degree and a grad scheme which led to a very good career - partnership and lots of industry awards/recognition. I hated a lot of it but it paid the bills and bought my dream home.

In my late 30s I had my children and developed severe PND (hospitalised) and was advised that I needed to stop working. If I hadn't had insurance to pay me my income I would have lost the house as well as the career. So my advice to young women is to make sure that they insure their income stream as you never know quite what is round the corner.

Mine isn't a sob story - I now get paid very well for not working, have lots of time to devote to the hobby I love and also do some free consulting for charities but it could have been very different

@Lemonyfuckit You are right such a fascinating thread. I am so grateful to everyone for being so open and honest.

@Londonmummy66 I agree, sometimes it is the boring stuff like insurance and pensions that no teenager wants to hear about but are the things that actually save us and keep us secure.

I wish I had of insured my income stream. I am off due to long term health and now have children with special needs, I am trying to build myself back into the work place again but it seems impossible with too many barriers.

Sorry to hear that Jan. knowing that he had insurance that would kick in after 6 months was a huge weight off our mind when dh was off work with no end in sight, at a time when his health was the main priority.

jan9876

I know it might no be ideal but have you thought of looking for work to do from home.
I know the communication and energy industries were advertising nationally, not long ago.
Or is there anything you can do to start your own business?

I believe that education provides a foundation of basics that you as a person can build upon. Most people in modern society are provided with the basics in language, maths, science etc

You as a person can research further to obtain qualications or for pleasure

You apply that knowledge into your employment & life style choices

Soft skills and personality are key too

Free education up to a point
Free libraries
These are not available in some societies

Surely there is a degree of personal responsibility ?

So I am going to disagree that people aren't taught. I remember compound interest & percentages in maths class

Perhaps people prefer to dream about film stars & celebrities, rather than research about their pension or job prospects ?

My experience has been very much the same as the one reported by @TwelveLeggedWalk.

Brought up to disdain aspiration. WRONG. Nothing wrong in people wanting to better themselves and there’s certainly nothing dirty about wanting to go from “middling and respectable” to more.

Brought up to fear debt. WRONG. Run the numbers frequently, and remember your time, the opportunity and your peace of mind all have a price/cost.

Brought up to aspire to a job that helped people, like so many other naice provincial girls. WRONG. I fell into a corporate/creative role by accident, earn twice as much as my mother ever did just halfway through my career, with scope for much more, and what I can contribute to society through higher taxes, charity and niche skills is arguably greater than anything I’d have managed as a teacher or nurse.

I have another tip about earning money, which is that you should develop any mathematical skill you have. There are so many otherwise very highly educated people who are clueless about simple spreadsheets and calculations. Good maths really allows you to shine at work even if you don’t work in a traditional quant-based industry.

Great thread.
Of course a lot of this, in theory, is the sort of thing that parents ought to take responsibility for teaching their dc, but therein lies the fact that inequalities are perpetuated generation after generation.
I hear the argument that schools have enough trouble trying to fit the current curriculum in the school day.
At the school my dcs transferred to for 6th form, they made the school day much longer (8.30 - 4pm), and they have 'compulsory enrichment' sessions during the day, rather than them being "voluntary but you need to stay on after the school day to do them, thereby missing the school bus or traveling home with your friends plus you need to be of a certain mindset to do them".
Unusual, but worthwhile IMO. They have every pupil in the school trying things they haven't had the opportunity to try (is very mixed catchment, purposefully engineered as such). In that sort of model, there might be more room for more "things you need to know in ault life" type training.
I know when my brother was in 6th form (in the 1970s) his (grammar) school made every pupil do a 'surviving at University without your Mum to look after you' module, which included things like sewing on a button, changing a plug (I know you don't do that anymore), some basic cookery, but also things like reading an atlas, opening a bank account etc. I'm sure something like that could be adapted into today's needs.
Yes, ideally all parents would do that, but in reality only some of us do.

Yeah whoever said about their DPs wanting them to do something that helped ppl, I think my DM is the same. Although she's never come out and said it, I think she might be a bit disappointed that I do a "boring" job that is not a helping type profession. I do work in the third sector but not sure how much I help anyone though my job is useful in a practical sense I suppose. I do not have the right personality to be a teacher or a social worker etc. I get stressed extremely easily; I honestly think I'd have some kind of mental breakdown if I did a job like that (much respect to those that can).