What you wish you were taught about money and earning it in a way you love?

[BetterCare]

Sorry, this is a bit of a long one, so I thank you now if you make it to the end.

AIBU to ask what you wish you had been taught or learned, as you grew up, with regards to money, finances and how to earn it doing something you love?

It has been a tough couple of years. My Mum was home on palliative care at home for a year before she sadly passed away last year. A month after Mum was diagnosed my Dad was diagnosed with Dementia, and since Mum passed I have been caring for my Dad. The purpose of this post is not to give you a sop story but to give you a clue as to why I am thinking and asking about this subject.

The reason for this post is because it has been such a steep learning curve, over the past couple of years and has really got me thinking, worrying, researching………. Luckily my brother and I had the foresight to sort out Lasting Power of Attorneys just before all of this happened and since then we have been trying to sort out Mum and Dad’s finances. Luckily when Mum was sick her care was fully funded by Continuing Health Care, which is no mean feat because it was a constant battle to get the correct level of care and get the NHS to pay for it. However, it has been an eye-opener as to how much care costs. We are now having to plan any potential care costs that we may have to pay out for Dad. This has me worrying about how much I need to have put aside for any care I may need.

This has made me think about the whole area of money and life in general. Like I said Mum and Dad were not paid well and did jobs they didn’t enjoy very much. I was of that generation where following your dreams was never really talked about. I was expected to leave school, get a job and then all the things that come with that. I have had low paid jobs and high paid jobs and have hated every single one. I was well into adulthood before I learnt that you could do something you love and earn money from it.

I am asking because it is something that as you can read is on my mind a lot, I am thinking about the future for my Dad and myself. I don’t have children so I don’t have that added pressure. But I read too many Mumsnet posts that are an eye-opener and break my heart where women are left with the world on their shoulders. Ex partners that don’t pay or pay the minimum amount of maintenance, SHAMs who are unhappy in their relationships but feel forced to stay because they can’t afford to leave, women who take on jobs they hate because they need to work around school hours and child care, partners who are passing ships from long hours just to be able to pay the bills and at the extreme end the scary number of women who are in financially abusive relationships.

I think it has become more prevalent with lockdown which really seems to have widened the gap. I read somewhere it could take 40 years now to close the pay gap. It seems again women are bearing the brunt. Whilst men seemed to be able to return to work when requested, women are having to deal with limited or unavailable child care. During the lockdown, women seem to have taken on the bulk of homeschooling. Now its school holidays and some are finding that holiday clubs are not available. I know many women are worried about being made redundant, even fewer school hours and term time only jobs are available and we don’t know how this virus may still impact us. The list is endless.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but knowing what I know now and my own financial and job experience I have been asking myself what I wished I had been taught at school about finances, investing and also doing all this in a way that I would have loved. What I should have learnt in my 20s, 30s and taken action on? I think about niece now who will finish university soon I hope she is more financially savvy. This generation certainly has the resources available to learn but it is hard to think about being 60 when you are 20.

What do you wish you were taught about finances and money management and how you earn it as you grew up? Knowing what you know now what would you have done differently? Or has this pandemic, which changed our lives in such a dramatic way so quickly made you think differently?

I know this is not an AIBU in the strict sense but I think it is such an important topic I would be grateful to hear, as always from Mumsnet, your honest views. I may learn something that may set me on a new path and stop me panicking about old age and care costs.

I think many women still seem to lack confidence and dont always fulfil their potential .There is still an expectation that women will marry and have a family ,and that they will be a second wage earner rather than a Career in her own right .I think money issues would be an excellent School subject for everyone TBH! Lots of careers such as Teaching /Nursing require a high level of education, but dont pay hugely and seem attractive to women ,as they offer flexibility to fit around Motherhood .When many women are in a high earning post they often have to "prove" themselves and work harder to be recognised when they are in a role which is traditionally male ,even today 50 odd years after womens rights

My DPs both work public sector and don't really know much about working outside of that. It's good to research different career areas which fit your capabilities and don't stick to just the obvious choices because there's all sorts of niche jobs out there and they have different routes in. I don't aim for 'loving' my job; I think finding it fairly stimulating and feeling not taken advantage of are good goals (plus work life balance is important to me so I have found a company that values this). This balance is different for everyone though; some people would rather earn much more and don't mind working longer hours.

Meant to add; it's also important to know your rights at work! Some employers act illegally and/or really treat their staff poorly. I would encourage anyone to read up on employment law and join a union.

I wish someone had sat me down and explained how much certain jobs paid and how much things cost, and if I wanted a certain life style I might like to think about particular job area rather than others. My parents were ‘follow your dream’ type old hippies - both well into their seventies now. I have a job that helps people, is something I’m genuinely interested in/challenged by and pays really badly. I’m qualified to masters level, it’s just a very badly paid profession. If I was single I would have to be very frugal and that’s not a situation I would want for my daughter.

I wish i'd been encouraged to buy a house at a younger age...i've made much more money buying and selling house than i ever have working.

Ok this is the thread that prompted the £1k a day thread. It’s long but lots from Xenia in it. I’m visiting a relative right now so haven’t time to go through it. Will look later for the £1k a day thread. I know I saved it on an old laptop but finding it is a different matter.

@Didiusfalco oddly I did that with one of my nephews.

I explained to him that if he wanted to own his own house like his parents then the careers he was looking at wouldn't enable him to that as they don't pay enough. He now works in a role that didn't exist 10 years ago in the technology sector. Though the role didn't exist 10 years ago like the roles most of my extended family do in the technology sector. One of the issues with telling teenagers about particular careers is that they may not exist or be dying out when they are trained/educated in it.

I think the do what you love advice is so unhelpful. For a start lot’s of people don’t necessarily have a “passion”. Sure, they’ll have interests and hobbies but the idea that you must feel passionate about what you do doesn’t help young people to look with an open mind at careers that on the face of it might not look especially interesting.

Students need to be given a much better understanding of the types of jobs that exist. How often do you hear people say “Oh I don’t want a boring office job”? Yet an office is just the building where work is carried out. A psychiatrist, an engineer, a solicitor, a procurement buyer, an accident investigator - all of these people and so many more do lots of their work in offices.

There are so many interesting careers out there. They’re not “niche, can only be done in London” jobs either. You don’t necessarily have to be highly intelligent to do lots of them, you just have to know they exist and the route to getting into them ie what subjects and qualifications you need to aim for.

They’re not necessarily somebody’s “passion” but they can be interesting, enjoyable, rewarding and well paid.

My response to the old do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life is -

Actually you may well find yourself working damn hard in a low paid, low skilled, repetitive, zero hour contract job with no chance of progression, just to keep your head above water. How much spare time and money will you realistically have to indulge your passion?

Totally agree.

I had great parents, who taught me a lot, but we never had any financial skills taught.

I never had to learn to save some of my money, or how to manage bank accounts etc.

Of course, it was my responsibility to do so once I reached adulthood, but it took me until I was about 26/27 to realise where I was going wrong! I had no saving, a small amount of debt, I never learnt about interest, credit and mortgages until It slowly clicked that the dead end self employment I had was never going to work. Now, 6 years on I’ve gotten on the employment ladder, worked up a little and bought a house etc. But I wonder how much time was wasted because I didn’t know what I needed to know?

If I have kids, I am going to begin that lesson young. I will never forget my friend telling me when we were 23 that she had a deposit for a house - I’d assumed her parents gave it to her - turned out her dad has been getting her to save 25% of every wage packet/birthday/christmas gift (while living at home) that she’d ever had.

I'm not sure these lessons can always be taught. Some can, clearly (like exposure to the full spectrum of professions) but not all.

I'd encourage my DD to get work experience young, and a variety of it - I remember having one particularly tedious uni holiday job in a call centre, and looking around at people who were 10+ years older than me, doing it full time. The pay was ok but the idea that every day would be spent in a little cubicle doing this (to me) unfulfilling and repetitive thing really had an impact on me. I realised I'd make huge sacrifices to work autonomously.

@venusandmars I think you are right about being versatile and flexible to change. I have had so many career changes in time.

Also, love what you said careers advisor.

@corythatwas & @dottiedodah You are both so right. I think women do suffer from undervaluing themselves. Sometimes I think this contributes to the wage gap because a lot of women do not negotiate their worth.

@dayslikethese1 From the past few years, I really have reached a point where I check anything an expert tells me. Even the other day my Father's financial advisor wouldn't do something requested and I had to point out the law change to him. So knowing your employment rights are so important.

@Smallsteps88 You are a star, thank you so much.

@EssentialHummus I was trying to teach this to my niece who had a weekend job in a cafe and she hated and was telling her to anchor that feeling to remember how it felt.

I don’t feel my financial education was particularly lacking – e.g. I’ve never got into debt (apart from a mortgage). I’m good at managing a relatively low income well (a financial advisor once said, “I’m not quite sure how you do it!”).

But I’ve never been able to earn an income from anything I love doing – or rather, as soon as anything becomes my occupation and I have no choice but to do it(and I include in this doing a degree in a subject I loved, in a very decent university, and doing well at it) I cease to enjoy it. I don’t really see any way round this.

Additionally, although my background isn’t deficient in education, it’s been quite unworldly, with not a lot of attention given to earning a lot of money. If anything, my main influences have been from people who would have thought that a very unworthy life goal. So what I earn is a basic living, and I enjoy my life outside work, pretty frugally. I don’t mind – not too much anyway. I don't see how, within the limits of my personality, I could have done differently.

My mother was a single mother. She didn’t attend university and had a low paid admin job but one thing she was great at was financial literacy. She encouraged myself and my siblings to get a decent education and invest in property in our twenties.
My mother was never a high flyer, but she took advantage of the right to buy scheme and managed to acquire three properties ( no mortgage). She is now retired and ‘earns’ more now than when she was working .She receives a monthly sum from her rental income, work pension and personal pension . Furthermore , she invested in stocks and shares which are currently valued at £150k

I would say that having a great education is of course one of the ways to make decent money. However, I think that having a trade can be just as lucrative. The man building the extension to my house earns more than me.He has qualifications in plumbing, electrics and carpentry . This varied skill set has been very beneficial to him.
I would encourage women to have multiple income streams. The young lady who threads my eyebrows is in her final year at university and makes money (at the weekends) by doing makeup for weddings, parties etc.

One thing that the pandemic revealed was the number of well paid people who didn’t have any savings and were therefore in financial dire straits quite early on . People need to put money away for the proverbial ‘rainy day’. So many well paid people live from pay cheque to pay cheque which is not ideal.
My teenage daughter spent most of lockdown learning about mortgages, pensions, stocks and shares, etc.

@areyoubeingserviced Your Mum sounds amazing.

I think what you say about different income streams is completely the right way to go. I think especially these days where there are so many different ways you can do that.

Also, good for your daughter I am very impressed by that, I wish I had done less reading Smash Hits and more learning about mortgages.

I remember joining the work place pension in my 20s thinking how boring it was & how far away retirement seemed

But how different life looks when you are older !

One of the best decisions that I have made, especially as my employers have contributed into the pot too !

I'm the only corporate one in the family. My dad works in an industry and career that he loves but it's very different from what I do (I'd ideally want to work in his overall field but that's not for him to help with and besides I'd be head office, he's out doing things).

I don't remember my parents ever talking about money, we weren't bad off at all and I feel like we got a huge amount of support and opportunity to do whatever we wanted to do. Both my sibling and I are sensible with money, I've been saving since my first job at 14 because I wanted to buy things, not because my parents told me too.

The only thing I wish is that they'd taken money from me as rent in my early twenties living at home and encouraged me to buy a flat with it at that stage. But again I can't blame them as I'm sure I wouldn't have listened!

I find careers fascinating, all I wanted was to earn good money and to be stimulated by what I do.

I wish i'd been encouraged to buy a house at a younger age...i've made much more money buying and selling house than i ever have working.

This is what my dc have done together.
Eldest helped the other two by loaning them enough for an auctioned 2 bed terrace.
So dd at 16 has an income for when she leaves school and starts college.
You can earn money in lots of ways, it doesn't have to be a job.

@W1ngs0fChang3 I think that is part of the problem. How can you even begin to think at 20 what life is about and what you will need decades down the line?

Can’t remember if I’ve read this one but might be useful alongside the £1k thread

There just aren't enough "dream jobs" for everyone to have one.

I’m sorry, I can’t find the £1k a day thread. Really would have loved having another read of it myself.

@Smallsteps88 Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

I will definitely read the other two threads with interest.

Get a cuppa before you start. They’re long!

My parents started a small business from scratch when my dad lost his job. My mum has always been financially savvy and I was always taught aboutmoney from an early age. Prior to them starting their current business she ran a small corner shop and so I learnt about prices, profit, VAT and cashflow. She told me about pensions, investments, savings accounts and interest rates. I was always given small amounts of pocket money and so I learnt to manage my money. As a teen I did jobs ow worked in the shop on a Saturday for money. I paid board once I was not in full time education. I've always shopped around, saved and been able to manage my money.

Dh on th other hand had parents who used to be much more well off than mine but they lived to their income so when they were both made redundant they had nothing to fall back o. He ws never given access to his own money. HIs grandparents saved into a building society account but if he wanted something he had to ask for it and they decided if he could have it or not. He was not allowed to get a part time job as his parents thought he should be studying. When he went to university he had no idea how to budget and his first term's grant was spent in the first month (he was living rent free with me).