Playground etiquette

[piscis]

I have been in a few playgrounds with my DD (3yo) since they opened on 4th July.
First time was a bit strange, didn't know how to act...so when my DD went to play with other kids in the sandpit, I asked the mum who was sat there if that was ok with her (it was fine with me as I wouldn't go to a playground to forbid my DD to play with another kid!) and she said, "of course, it is fine".

After a few more times in playgrounds, it became obvious to me that people going to playgrounds were quite relaxed and assumed that kids play together and are going to mix up and it was not a problem at all. We just play as usual and then clean our hands.

Until today. My DD went near another girl and asked her " what's your name?" And the mum (who was with another mum and kid) say very quickly " only the two of them are playing together". My DD takes rejection quite well actually, and she only asked me why. But only a few minutes after, there was another mum and girl, and after my DD went towards her to start talking to her, her mum quickly told her "move away!" (Not to my DD, but to her own daughter) like she was some kind of leper...

I mean, I know that the advice is still maintaining social distancing but is it realistic for kids so young to do it when going to the playground? Using the equipment in the playground is good but surely one of the most important things for kids is playing together. What's the point of going to the playground if you are not allowed to go near another kid? Doesn't it defy the point ?!

Is it not a bit mean being in the playground and turning away a kid that comes near you? I know people have their own worries and they are even following the guidance but to be honest I find it a bit mean, I wouldn't go to forbid my kid to play with another kid or telling a kid "don't come near Us". I think that if someone is so so worried about catching the virus, it is better not to go, because it is not realistic and kids can take this quite bad (not my DD luckily).

I think it is extremely damaging for children to be told to socially distance. They are still learning how to engage with others. It feels completely alien to me to be socially distant, I wouldn’t want it to feel normal for my children.

I wonder why it’s safe for the Kids living in Scotland to not socially distance but not the ones living in England? Genuine question... is it because there are less cases in Scotland? Sorry I’ve not mentioned the Welsh or Irish... not aware of their rules!

It's a condition of our child's nursery place that we maintain social distancing outside his nursery 'bubble' and our own household. We'll be being careful about which playgrounds we go to and what time, etc. but it would be nice not to be judged if we try to keep DS away from others a bit (and sanitise hands before/after) while we're there. It seems a bit unfair that he won't be allowed to the playground at all otherwise, just because some parents are uncomfortable with maintaining distance for their kids. (Though obviously not as unfair as for children with disabilities, who should be able to expect others are following rules to keep them safe.)

How do nursery think that is even a remotely enforceable rule fgs😂

@OverTheRainbow88 I think that’s the reason, there are a lot fewer cases in Scotland.

I expect my 7 year old to socially distance at the playground - this is supervised by me. I’m ok with 1 metre distance though.
My 20 month old is obviously closely supervised by me. If other children come into the equipment I’ll either move him elsewhere or keep him away.
Other parents my choose not to do this and I respect that but I expect them to respect my choice to keep some level of social distance with random strangers

I think if you are taking your child to a play park, you have to expect them to come in to contact with other dc. Unless you are wiping down each piece of equipment before your child touches it, you have no idea if another child has just sneezed on it before your child has a go.

Small children (so 3 year olds) have no idea about social distancing so if you don’t want them near other dc, keep them away from places other 3 year olds will be.

My experience of playgrounds is that the kids don't social distance and nobody really expects them to and that parents who are worried about lack of distancing don't take their kids to the playground, or go at quieter times e.g. early mornings.

I don't expect DS (4) to social distance at playgrounds and I recognise that this isn't going to happen. We're lucky in that we have lots of playgrounds where we live - I think if I went to one of the really busy ones and the parents were getting arsy about social distancing I'd be a bit "WTF are you doing taking your kids to a rammed playground if you want them to socially distance?"

However, if they were at one of the quieter playgrounds, where they had a reasonable expectation of there only being one or two other families there, I think it's fair enough to ask their kids to stay away from other children. Lockdown is really hard on small children and the sort of families who are anxious in this scenario probably haven't sent their kids back to nursery.

DS knows that half his Reception class haven't come back because some parents are more worried about catching Coronavirus than others, often because there might be someone in their family who could get really poorly if they catch it. So I don't think he'd be too phased if I explained that those children really didn't want anyone to get too close to them. I have explained social distancing to him (repeatedly!) but he does forget when he's in the middle of a good game.

YABU

there's no reason why some children should be penalised and unable to access playgrounds, it's perfectly normal to keep them at reasonable distance from others at the moment. It's also easier to be consistent, how do you expect a young child to understand the need for social distancing in some set ups but not others?

I am more surprised that you chose playgrounds for the social elements, that's not why anyone I know goes. If we want social, we arrange to meet friends, otherwise it's just about using the equipments.

@Hercwasonaroll

How do nursery think that is even a remotely enforceable rule fgs😂

If they get “reports” you’ve not been social distancing, you will be refused entry for 14 days so you can self-isolate.

I can see loads of loopholes - I’m not saying it’s a great policy or anything, just that we will try to keep to it! If playgrounds are busy we’ll stay away, but DS is only 20 months so needs fairly close supervision anyway so we can easily move him away from other people.

If you’re so concerned about social distancing then I don’t think a playground is the place for you. It’s cruel and damaging to be constantly telling toddlers to move away and not to play with and interact with other children.

we've been to a few playgrounds and I admit I haven't been trying to get them to socially distance, no.

If I wanted to I would be going really early or late when quieter. Or not at all.

My kids are at the point that they need to play with other kids. We clean hands immediately before and after. I wish it was like in Scotland where the children are not expected to socially distance any more because I feel guilty but overall am comfortable with the risk.

but overall am comfortable with the risk.

which is absolutely fine
but the OP is BU to expect everyone to be as comfortable. It's a personal choice, and there's no reason why kids must be penalised.

@Brieminewine that’s exactly how I feel. I don’t know, I think about psychological health as much as covid, I think we are so obsessed with covid that we are not seeing the bigger picture, and all this will have psychological consecuences too.

Some playgrounds have a notice that say “use ay own risk, playground equipment is not cleaned”, so people that mantain social distancing cannot think that as long as you mantain distance then a playground is a safe place? The council is telling you it is not. Kids shout, sneeze, cogh, are snotty...and they are not very careful...playground equipment is surely full of germs!

I am not going to the payground FOR the social interaction. That’s not the objective of me going to the playground, but it is part of the experience. I didn’t realise that it was so innapropriate to talk/play with other kids here 😳 (I am talking about the ones who are saying this even before Covid, as obviously now the situation is trickier and difficult, like talking to another kid is against playground etiquette). Its a shocker. I though it was ok for kids to play together (again, at least before Covid!). Maybe it’s something cultural

@Morred
I hope the nursery staff have to do the same at least!
Are they controlling if you take the tube or go to a restaurant as well? They are legal things to do that pose some risk as well...I don’t know, I just find it a bit much.

I understand the reasons why some things are done are good, they are there to control the virus, avoid a second peak...but the inconsistencies are too much sometimes.

@piscis. I'm also slightly at people who don't view going to the playground as having a social element to it. Yes, we don't go primarily to socialise, but I love it when my son makes a little friend and they spend the whole time chasing each other round. Maybe it's just me, but I often (pre Covid and lockdown) exchanged numbers with other mums and a few of our good friends started out as playground friends. Maybe it's a London thing... Lots of non-Brits round here so people are friendlier and less reserved.

Parents should not be scaring their children into staying away. So many children are going to grow up with some terrible anxiety issues.

There’s a way of talking to children without putting the fear of god in them. When mine went back to preschool recently, I cheerily advised her not to hug, kiss or lick other children, and also not to stick her fingers up her nose.

@MessAllOver I was thinking the same reading the comments, maybe because I live in London...and now that I think of it, a lot of the most friendlier mums are foreigners (as myself). Maybe because it is a cultural thing and in the UK is not common to do and people from other countries see it as something natural?

The parents who refuse to socially distance will be the first to complain when the parks and schools are closed again. Our park has been locked up again because parents were being irresponsible and it's right next to a school.

Our park has been locked up again because parents were being irresponsible and it's right next to a school well that’s all for show, they aren’t shutting the shops are they?!

@piscis. Yes, I'm British but round here it seems quite common to have a friendly chat with other mums while the kids play. One woman with her granddaughter had brought some bubbles the other day and all the children were running around together trying to pop them and having a great time.

@Brieminewine

If you’re so concerned about social distancing then I don’t think a playground is the place for you. It’s cruel and damaging to be constantly telling toddlers to move away and not to play with and interact with other children.

It’s not cruel or damaging. I take my toddler to the playground and I play with him and distract him if other children are on the same apparatus. I’m not shouting at him or dragging him away. We do try and go earlier in the morning when it is quieter. I also wipe his hands down regularly with anti bac gel. That’s my choice. As I’ve said before I respect that others have chosen not to do this. He does go to nursery where he can play with other toddlers is a safer environment. We have all agreed to socially distance as a condition of returning to nursery. I choose to adhere to this. I guess others in his room might not. I have no control over that. I do have control over my actions though

@Harpingon
Do you really think that if you socially distance in a playground then it is a safe place? Kids toach surfaces, touch their faces, put hands in their mouths...to assume that if there is a covid case originating in a playground is coming for a kid who went to say hello to another...and there cannot be a case from playing in the (dirty and never-cleaned) equipment...it is a bit naive.

If, say, I went on a bus, or tube or any public thing touched by many others, I really think it is less risky to be in close proximity to a person, not following the 1-2 meter rule, than to be touching all the surfaces there, and then touching face, eyes, mouth or whatever.

@MessAllOver where do you live 😂😂
No, seriously, I has always been ok for us, maybe better when we were living more centrally, now still London but greater London.
I like that kind of environment in a playground, sounds lovely.
I understand that things are not the same right now with the covid situation though, it just makes me a bit sad.

About the “cruelty” thing about keeping kids apart, it obviously depends on the child, not all kids have the same needs or personality. For my DD that would be cruel, she is very social.

Piscis it's not hard to socially distance and it's not forever. If it's such a hardship then you don't have to go out. Not everyone wants to chat or socialize atm. Surely you get that?