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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playground etiquette

136 replies

piscis · 20/07/2020 22:20

I have been in a few playgrounds with my DD (3yo) since they opened on 4th July.
First time was a bit strange, didn't know how to act...so when my DD went to play with other kids in the sandpit, I asked the mum who was sat there if that was ok with her (it was fine with me as I wouldn't go to a playground to forbid my DD to play with another kid!) and she said, "of course, it is fine".

After a few more times in playgrounds, it became obvious to me that people going to playgrounds were quite relaxed and assumed that kids play together and are going to mix up and it was not a problem at all. We just play as usual and then clean our hands.

Until today. My DD went near another girl and asked her " what's your name?" And the mum (who was with another mum and kid) say very quickly " only the two of them are playing together". My DD takes rejection quite well actually, and she only asked me why. But only a few minutes after, there was another mum and girl, and after my DD went towards her to start talking to her, her mum quickly told her "move away!" (Not to my DD, but to her own daughter) like she was some kind of leper...

I mean, I know that the advice is still maintaining social distancing but is it realistic for kids so young to do it when going to the playground? Using the equipment in the playground is good but surely one of the most important things for kids is playing together. What's the point of going to the playground if you are not allowed to go near another kid? Doesn't it defy the point ?!

Is it not a bit mean being in the playground and turning away a kid that comes near you? I know people have their own worries and they are even following the guidance but to be honest I find it a bit mean, I wouldn't go to forbid my kid to play with another kid or telling a kid "don't come near Us". I think that if someone is so so worried about catching the virus, it is better not to go, because it is not realistic and kids can take this quite bad (not my DD luckily).

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 20/07/2020 23:08

I genuinely don't care what others do but would like to hope that others would respect my wishes to want to socially distance.

Original poster
piscis · 20/07/2020 23:13

50/50 so far, controversial, I imagined it would be!
@PumpkinP you are assuming too much I’m afraid. It is not right to attack and make inventions so your argument is stronger.

I get every kid is different and some prefer to play alone, but this has never happened before, so it is definitely covid related.

To make this clear, this was to check what the general opinion about this was, and I see it is very split, not that I think that whoever wants to mantain social distance should’t go. But yes, I think that for young kids that cannot understand the situation it is mean to say “don’t come near me”. They are in their right and probably following the advice much better, but to me, it is mean, I wonuln’t ever like to say that to a 3yo.

It was a bit of a rant and checking what people think.

To be honest, I think It was unlucky today, we have been more times to different playgrounds and has been absolutely fine. But yes, I agree, playdates are probably best (as my DD is super social and if she is not with a friend, she will look for friends).

OP posts:
AldiAisleofCrap · 20/07/2020 23:15

Unless you are in Scotland you should be telling your dc to social distance from other children in playgrounds. Vulnerable children should be able to visit playgrounds also.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/07/2020 23:16

Unless you are in Scotland you should be telling your dc to social distance from other children in playgrounds I have a nearly 3 year old, how do you expect her to comprehend this? I’m not allowing her to lick another child, but I’m not pushing her back 1 metre from another child on a climbing frame.

namechangetheworld · 20/07/2020 23:18

We've been to quite a few parks since they've opened. Everybody seems to be following an unspoken one-family-on-each-thing-at-a-time rule, which works well for us. Our DC go to the park to play on the equipment, or with us, not to make friends with others.

Hercwasonaroll · 20/07/2020 23:18

Realistically can you make 3yos social distance?! Why should they have to miss out on parks because they're younger, that's age discrimination.

If you go to the park you have to accept there will be other children there. They're all running around and touching everything. If you're really bothered, go elsewhere.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/07/2020 23:20

Everybody seems to be following an unspoken one-family-on-each-thing-at-a-time rule, which works well for us wow where do you live? Playgrounds have been much how they’ve always been near me, kids everywhere being kids

Original poster
piscis · 20/07/2020 23:20

Of course I respect the wishes of whoever want to socially distance, I told her straight away to leave her alone. Doesn’t mean I cannot have an opinion as well, because I feel that the world is a shit place right now, where kids are told not to hug, not to kiss, not to go near other kids..I think that’s more damaging than the virus tbh

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 20/07/2020 23:21

Usually I agree with you but right now YABU.

I do let my child play with next door kids (all preschoolers) cause I "know where they've been" as it were - nowhere.

namechangetheworld · 20/07/2020 23:23

And I'll add, I always find it a bit irritating (in non Corona times) when other people's children come up begging to play with us. Usually their parent is yapping to their friend or scrolling through Facebook and completely ignoring them. Don't bring your children to the park to lumber them with some other family because you can't be arsed to play with them for half an hour.

Todaywewilldobetter · 20/07/2020 23:23

If people want to social distance then maybe staying with the 3 year olds is advisable. It's not age discrimination at all. It's perfectly do-able. Stay close enough to tell them yourself to keep their distance.
Blame the game not the players.
I'm fairly relaxed about it now but I don't think my 3 year old's feelings trump everyone else's. (Not that I still have one.)

Sailingblue · 20/07/2020 23:23

I’ve been a few times and it’s not been busy so haven’t really had to navigate social niceties as it has mainly one family per piece of equipment. My 4yo daughter went today though and was really chatty with another child, they had races, had an argument about what cows eat and it was nice to see normal play. Neither got too close and it was a breath of fresh air. If someone is clearly uncomfortable then I’ll distract her but I won’t stop her playing normally or stop talking to other people.

Original poster
piscis · 20/07/2020 23:24

Everybody seems to be following an unspoken one-family-on-each-thing-at-a-time rule, which works well for us
Yes, where do you live??
There is a lot of people where I live, same as always if not more!

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 20/07/2020 23:25

In Scotland children don’t need to socially distance anymore. I explained to my 7 year old that this was now the case but that not all families would be comfortable with close contact so be be cautious. My 3 year old stays with me and I gauge the responses of other parents. We use hand gel after every piece of equipment and do what we can really. I have noticed that my kids hang back and are more cautious than they were. When up a climbing pyramid my eldest went round and round it multiple times trying to maintain distance from a wee boy wanting to join her

I am not getting into a game of judging other people for living their lives. It’s not for me to say what the point of a park visit is or how people should respond after months of isolation m

NerrSnerr · 20/07/2020 23:26

If people want to social distance then maybe staying with the 3 year olds is advisable

I completely agree and do but I also think everyone should have an eye on their 3 year olds (and other children) to check they're not trying to play with people who are trying to distance too.

Todaywewilldobetter · 20/07/2020 23:28

nerr that's what I meant. Phrased it clumsily.

NavyBerry · 20/07/2020 23:32

At our playground there is zero social distancing. We are fine with that. Happy for the children to play together. I haven't noticed anyone behaving awkwardly. I suppose those who are worried simply don't come.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 20/07/2020 23:34

Um, guessing I’m being stupid here, but if you’re happy to allow your dc to use play equipment that other children have been on 5 minutes before, what’s the difference in them playing together? Is everyone sanitising the climbing frame/swing/slide/sandpit (how would that even happen?) before and after their dc played on it?

Original poster
piscis · 20/07/2020 23:34

@namechangetheworld I tell you the same as @PumpkinP you are assuming too much and it is not right to invent stuff to make your argument stronger. You most likely won’t do this in real life, why do it here? You have no idea what I was doing, you were not there. I was right there to stop her when I saw the situation and that the mum was not comfortable, but no way I am going to tell my DD that talking to another kid is awful

OP posts:
Ionlymakegirls · 20/07/2020 23:38

@OnceUponAMidnightBeery. Im glad someone said it, I was thinking the same thing.....

NerrSnerr · 20/07/2020 23:40

@OnceUponAMidnightBeery We use hand sanitiser. I try to use it between different equipment the best I can (and then obviously washing hands when we get home). It's not perfect of course and hands will go to mouth.

There's one playground near us which is owned by a farm shop and they currently have a booking system where you can book for free. The session is 45 minutes and then they give all the equipment a wipe down. We've been there a few times as they limit the numbers which is nice. They also make everyone sanitise hands on the way in.

namechange30000 · 20/07/2020 23:40

Children under 11 don't have to social distance. Not in Scotland anyway.

Misslees · 20/07/2020 23:41

I think that was a very rude and unkind response from the mother. If they are that bothered, don't go to the park. It's unrealistic to expect other kids to socially distance (well done Scotland on common sense) and they are all using the same equipment anyway! It seems so harsh to say "we don't go to the park to mix." Ok but kids are just trying to be friendly and find someone to play with. Totally normal! Would be more worrying if kids didn't dare approach another. Let kids be kids

namechangetheworld · 20/07/2020 23:41

@piscis
Oh, that last comment was in no way aimed at you! You sound like you were very respectful of the other family and their wishes. I went off at a bit of a tangent as my own personal bug bear is being saddled with other people's children at parks!

BackforGood · 20/07/2020 23:42

Unless you are in Scotland you should be telling your dc to social distance from other children in playgrounds I have a nearly 3 year old, how do you expect her to comprehend this?

You explain it to them, then you monitor them......ie, walk round with them, and ensure they follow the rules....... then check with another child's adult if they mind your dd getting closer than 2m if they do want to play in the same thing.

Odd though, as the sandpits have been removed from Nurseries.