Playground etiquette

[piscis]

I have been in a few playgrounds with my DD (3yo) since they opened on 4th July.
First time was a bit strange, didn't know how to act...so when my DD went to play with other kids in the sandpit, I asked the mum who was sat there if that was ok with her (it was fine with me as I wouldn't go to a playground to forbid my DD to play with another kid!) and she said, "of course, it is fine".

After a few more times in playgrounds, it became obvious to me that people going to playgrounds were quite relaxed and assumed that kids play together and are going to mix up and it was not a problem at all. We just play as usual and then clean our hands.

Until today. My DD went near another girl and asked her " what's your name?" And the mum (who was with another mum and kid) say very quickly " only the two of them are playing together". My DD takes rejection quite well actually, and she only asked me why. But only a few minutes after, there was another mum and girl, and after my DD went towards her to start talking to her, her mum quickly told her "move away!" (Not to my DD, but to her own daughter) like she was some kind of leper...

I mean, I know that the advice is still maintaining social distancing but is it realistic for kids so young to do it when going to the playground? Using the equipment in the playground is good but surely one of the most important things for kids is playing together. What's the point of going to the playground if you are not allowed to go near another kid? Doesn't it defy the point ?!

Is it not a bit mean being in the playground and turning away a kid that comes near you? I know people have their own worries and they are even following the guidance but to be honest I find it a bit mean, I wouldn't go to forbid my kid to play with another kid or telling a kid "don't come near Us". I think that if someone is so so worried about catching the virus, it is better not to go, because it is not realistic and kids can take this quite bad (not my DD luckily).

I havent seen anyone sanitising anything.
I guess a swing would be doable, but how can you sanitise a climbing frame with several kids using it at once, not possible.
I guess it is easier catching it from close contact than touching, but still...

@BackforGood

Have they been removed because they are considered specially risky?

I have been in 3 different parks with sandpits and all have been opened

I don't really understand how it's a debate.

If you're happy for your child to play within 2 metres of other children at the park and the parents of the other children are happy then go for it.

If your children try and play within 2 metres of children whose parents want to social distance then tell your children no (or children who don't want to play).

If you want to social distance and not play with other children then crack on doing it.

If you're at a park- especially with a 3 year old I assume you're somewhere close by- just ask the parents if it's ok.

I can't decide whether if parents are not near you should abide by the social distancing guidelines or assume that it's fine as they would have been watching closer if they were?

For the second one I meant and children who don't want to play too- whether their parents are fussed about social distancing or not.

@BackforGood
They are not applying social distancing in nurseries or childminders, there is a reason for that. Not that easy to follow for children under 3, if not they would do it I assume( or maybe not, for me telling a kid not to go anywhere near his peers doesnt’t sound very healthy psychologically to be honest!)

Same as with mask wearing, it is enforced in certain situations and depending on age.

This is a bit of an aside but what I have found challenging is maintaining social distancing from other adults while our children are using equipment. I had a very charming keep side stepping round the sand pit following me around while I was keeping an eye on the 3 year old. I am a bit helicopter I have to admit and there is only so much room for us helicopters!

I'm finding this difficult. I have DS (5) and DD (2). We have told them to use one piece of equipment per family, which is usually fine as long as you don't go during the busiest part of the day. I wouldn't mind relaxing this really, but DH seems anxious about it. DS is brilliant with it, but DD has been hesitant and upset at times. I think she is confused about the new social rules. I hadn't realised it would be such an issue. I thought that lockdown would be the hardest bit, but they were both actually really happy then!

My plan is to go early - like 9am. Hopefully then it won't be an issue.

It's kind of strange as I was looking forward to being able to do things over the summer as more things have been opening up, but now unsure whether I should be taking them to attractions etc which are likely to be busy.

@NerrSnerr. Well, pretty much all Mumsnet is a debate...
People chatting and having different opinions.
Only wanted to check what the popular opinion was for this, as it was a bit of a surprise to me today, as the previous days were such a different experience.

That wasn't aimed at you @piscis as you clearly said in the OP that you asked your daughter to move away when the girl's mum said to keep distance. It's more about the comments about how people who want to social distance shouldn't go etc.

I just think everyone should respect everyone else's wishes when it comes to this- especially if they are trying to follow guidelines for whatever reason.

We’re in Scotland and went to the park every day (for hours) the first week they opened and under 12’s are allowed to socialise as they want if the other person allows. We sanitise our hands when we arrive and when we leave but the rest was just enjoying our kids finally being able to play with their friends. As parents we all socially distance but did I get annoyed when my sons friends dad picked him up and put him in a swing when asked? Nope, as it’s within the rules and if I was worried about it we wouldn’t be at the park and would have stayed in the garden. Everyone has their own worries and struggles in this and it’s nice to be respectful of others as common courtesy but if you don’t want your kid coming into close contact with others then it’s probably best not to go to a play park or leave when it gets too busy than you’re comfortable with. We saw a wee boy out on a walk recently and as soon as he saw us he started shouting about people coming and to get back whilst getting very anxious and scared which, my daughter didn’t really help by saying “we are little so we can touch who we want” when passing by!!

@namechangetheworld

And I'll add, I always find it a bit irritating (in non Corona times) when other people's children come up begging to play with us. Usually their parent is yapping to their friend or scrolling through Facebook and completely ignoring them. Don't bring your children to the park to lumber them with some other family because you can't be arsed to play with them for half an hour.

Wow you sound a barrel of laughs. Some kids don't have siblings to play with and want to socialise and play with other children- not there parents. I'm lucky I've got two close together so they have a constant playmate but some kids don't have this. you can learn stuff from other kids/ families too. We recently went camping and my two asked to join in another families game of rounders, they loved it and it turns out there pretty good so we have now ordered there own.

I think it's fine for even young children to learn that other children dont always want to play with them. Mine are long passed playground age but I remember well their annoyance of having others wanting to spoil join in their games.

Have they been removed because they are considered specially risky?

No, it is because it can't be 'wiped clean on a regular basis.

They are not applying social distancing in nurseries or childminders, there is a reason for that. Not that easy to follow for children under 3, if not they would do it I assume( or maybe not, for me telling a kid not to go anywhere near his peers doesnt’t sound very healthy psychologically to be honest!)

Yes, because for 8 - 10 hours a day, when you have 8 children in your care, is a very different situation from 20mins in your local park with one child in your care. That is a situation when you can do something about it, so it is considerate so to do. People who (for a myriad of reasons you won't know about) are choosing to be more cautious still have the right to go to playgrounds etc and expect other parents to do their best to respect that social distancing we are all being asked to respect, as far as we are able.

If you are seeking social interaction, then surely the best thing to do is to invite friends who are at the same level of willingness to have small children playing with each other, to meet up - be that at the play area, or another part of the park, or in one of your gardens or even houses. You can't yet assume everyone is comfortable in mixing with lots of other people that they have no idea how cautious or otherwise their families have been.

@BackforGood I am not seeking social interaction, it is not my main objective when I go to a playground, but it can definitely be part of it, kids playing together is a beautiful thing, when they want of course, I am not going to force anything. I would still go if I knew there was nobody there, so I am not going for it.

I am a bit shocked about so many responses of people that hate so much other kids talking to theirs...the other day we went and there was this little girl that started showing ants to my DD and then she was talking to me a lot, she became my little shadow for a while. Sure, At the end I felt that maybe it was a bit much, but at the same time she was quite adorable, I would never been annoyed to a 3yo for wanting to be social!

Sure, it is good that kids learn that sometimes other kids don’t want to play with them, but it can be hurtful, it is not exclusive. Of course, you can learn a very good lesson from a hurtful situation, doesn’t mean the situation is good (and I am not talking about my situation in the playground here as it was not hurful to my DD, she just didnt care, only that she couldn’t understand, I am talking in general)

I cannot make my 3yo social distance. It's not fair on him and what a dull Park experience. I do worry that some children will be left with life long anxiety about getting anywhere near people. I can already see the seeds being sown in a couple of children I know who have total helicopter parents at the best of times.

I wouldn't want my child playing with an unknown child at the moment. A bit of a chat and playing on the same equipment and occasionally passing each other fine, but not lots of touching. I think everyone has their own level of comfort at the moment and you need to respect that, which it sounds like you did. We've only been to one playground so far and it was fine other than one dad encouraging his boys to barge past some nervous girls waiting at the top of the slide.

I guess I'm confused by people wanting to SD in a play park with equipment given that your child will be climbing and touching where another child just did the same thing. Along with laughing and coughing etc. It's an oxymoron to me. I'm prepared to be educated differently.

LadyGAgain completely agree!
Also if I had to pull my child a metre away from each child, sterilise her hands after every piece of equipment, quite honestly I don’t think I’d bother going - way more stressful than it’s worth.

I'm glad there's no distancing between young children anymore in Scotland, much more realistic.

If they're worried about another child coming near them then they need to stay at home I'm afraid.

Well, at first I was telling mine to keep their distance... but for the other parents, incase they were bothered. Not any more though as not many are 🤷‍♀️

It's really hard. Mine are 13 and 11 and have been in the playground and there isn't any social distancing going on. I have sanitizer by the back door and they have to wash hands when they walk in the house but it's airborne particles that worry me. I'm taking daily temps again.

Teen thinks he might a mask from now on but my 11yr old has been running amok and sharing big swings with other kids 😫.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers no one is saying you have to abide by social distancing with others who don't want to or sanitise etc but is it really too much to ask to respect the ones who wish to? Especially as in England they are the guidelines?

No one who has said they are currently wanting to social distance at the park on this thread has said they judge those who don't wish to- but have only asked they others respect their wish to. Why would that be a problem?

This is hard to judge, I went to the playground yesterday and my DS was playing in a large group of kids. I definitely caught a look from another parent.

She didn't know they were all in the same class bubble and had been sitting in the same classroom for the last five weeks.

I would say at the moment don't approach strangers to play but equally don't judge those playing together

I have been meeting one other friend with my DD at the playground and checking in advance how the family feels about social distancing. We try and follow the SD guidance, even with friends. I check they do the same before arranging any play dates.
I have been telling my DD to ‘keep a distance’ from other children, although she would not ignore another child who approached her. She’s very social and at 5 understands SD.
My other child is 2 and I follow him like glue, make sure he doesn’t touch any other children and if he gets too close I’ll speak to the other parent if around or remove him if not.
I’m following the guidance as best I can and encouraging my children to keep a distance at all times. I wouldn’t be at all offended if any parent spoke to my child for getting to close because they are either old enough to understand or young enough that I’m with them.
At the same time I appreciate that in a playground SD is difficult and imperfect.

I think going to the playground should be a positive and friendly experience for children. Any adults who are being unfriendly or rude (or encouraging their children to be so) to children who accidentally come a little too close should really just go home and leave the rest of us to it.

That said, there are sensible things we can do to minimise risks, such as using hand sanitiser before and after and gently discouraging hugging and prolonged close contact. My two year old knows that 'we're not hugging anyone but mummy at the moment'. Luckily, he's not "huggy" so he respects that, but he did get cuddled quite violently by a pigtailed 4 year old the other day which I found quite funny! Her mother was very apologetic, though.

one dad encouraging his boys to barge past some nervous girls waiting at the top of the slide.

The dad was in the wrong, but I'm totally with the boys, I'm afraid. There is nothing worse than 'slide-blockers' at the playground ! To be polite, I try to encourage my DS not to barge past them and to wait, but really the parents of the slide-blockers should tell them either to get on with it or remove them from the slide so others can have their go.