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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this annoy you, re. taking treats into work?

160 replies

Wecangosomewhere · 20/07/2020 20:11

Don't know why this annoys me but it does. Sometimes at work, usually a couple of times a week, I or someone else will bring in some cookies or sweets or something for eveyone to share.

One co-worker though when she gets her share often says 'oh I 'll take it home for my daughter'

I feel like saying 'I'm bringing in things for us to have at work not to be taken home for children, if you want her to have treats buy them yourself'

I know it's only petty but it's annoying me!

OP posts:
SamSeabornforPresident · 21/07/2020 09:59

How odd. I've always assumed cakes / snacks brought in to work will be eaten in work. If I don't want one, I won't have one and thus forfeit my 'share'. I've seen people put something aside to have later, lunchtime or something, but the idea that you're either obliged or entitled to your 'share' of anything brought as a goodwill gesture from a colleague is just bizarre.

And the poster who throws it in the bin on the way home, can you not just say 'no, thank you', and leave it for someone who is grateful?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/07/2020 09:59

Also - people taking stuff home (as long as everyone who wanted a piece had had one) wouldn't bother me at all.

In fact, I'd be pleased.

HogDogKetchup · 21/07/2020 10:02

She doesn’t want it and doesn’t want to offend you.

Todaywewilldobetter · 21/07/2020 10:11

@SharonasCorona

I always feel bad when someone is going round with a box of chocolates on their birthday and people refuse them.

I get that it totally makes sense to refuse and no one should feel obliged to eat anything, and there are lots of reason why people can’t or won’t eat something, but sometimes I find the way people reject food is quite rude.

However, it’s a thought I keep to myself in real life. I often take a chocolate just to make the person happy.

This is why people "take it home"! Because it's rude to reject food you didn't ask for or want, apparently! Utterly insane.
  • I don't want to put your chocolate in my body.
  • Well, you're rude. You should do it to please me.

An odd society we've created!

Shortbrunette90 · 21/07/2020 10:12

I do this if I don't think they're kitchen or house is clean, i.e. Cats, dogs etc...
Maybe she thinks you're unclean and doesn't want to say.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 21/07/2020 10:39

What I want to know is, why aren't there more cheese boards in offices?

Well, quite. I'd always pick a cheeseboard in preference to a dessert or something that feels like one. That said, I'm from the North so I'd like some fruitcake on there to remind me of my mother (always served cheese with fruitcake).

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 21/07/2020 10:39

If she's not taking more than her share, what's the problem?
If she was taking one for herself AND then for her kids, yes that's a bit cheeky.
If she doesn't eat chocolate, for example, what's wrong when the tin keeps coming round instead of "no thanks" take the chocolate she would have had home for her kid?

reedy123 · 21/07/2020 10:46

That's funny, I have no idea why it would bother you. She must have a reason, she either bins it or genuinely does take it home. I do not miss office politics, I work from home now, self employed and it's made me realise how much happier I am when I don't have to mingle face to face with people Smile

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/07/2020 10:53

I do this if I don't think they're kitchen or house is clean, i.e. Cats, dogs etc...

How very DARE you! Angry

HogDogKetchup · 21/07/2020 10:55

What I want to know is, why aren't there more cheese boards in offices?

My old colleague did a cheeseboard and crackers for her birthday. It went down a storm.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/07/2020 10:56

What I want to know is, why aren't there more cheese boards in offices?

Well, quite. I'd always pick a cheeseboard in preference to a dessert or something that feels like one. That said, I'm from the North so I'd like some fruitcake on there to remind me of my mother (always served cheese with fruitcake).

I'm with you on this - and I like fruitcake with cheese too (also from t' North Grin). Or an apple. Cheese with an apple is lush.

Shortbrunette90 · 21/07/2020 11:04

I'm sorry it wasn't meant to offend, I've picked out many dog hairs in my time and now makes me feel sick.. yuck...

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 21/07/2020 11:06

Hey, it's OK for you guys.

What to do when you don't eat cake and they bloody well know that you haven't got any kids to take it home for Grin

Brefugee · 21/07/2020 11:15

I think it's weird. People used to bring treats to my work a lot. If you want it, you take it and eat it. If you don't want it let someone else have it. If you want thirds or fourths go wild but go quickly as it's normally gone by lunchtime. People taking it to bin on the way home is rude and wasteful.

I think some of the workplaces here are really weird. I live in the Land Of Cake and we have about 60 people in our office so usually we only bring cake for our own team, but occasionally there is cake or whatever for everyone (usually a couple of birthdays close together) and it's lovely for us all to take a break and eat cake. Or not if we don't want to for any fucking reason that we don't ever need to tell anyone but I've never seen anyone take it home for later or a kid and definitely people don't take one and dump it.

More people need to learn how to say "no, thank you" with a smile and leave it at that. No need to give and "excuse" or "reason" (unless you want - "I'm dieting" "I'm gluten/lactose/cake intolerant" etc). I don't know anyone who would say anything other than "ok then" or "all the more for us!". And I'm very glad about that.

wildcherries · 21/07/2020 11:23

When I worked in an office, there would be cake or sweets every time someone had a birthday, had a child, or returned from holiday or had a leaving do. It was constant. I didn't experience that before moving to England. It was too much, and people thought you were weird if you didn't 'join in'. Previous experience it was only for your birthday that you brought something in.

Cassilis · 21/07/2020 11:26

What I want to know is, why aren't there more cheese boards in offices?

Yes! At my last workplace, we always had a cheeseboard/grapes/crackers in our team as shop was near. Not so much in current workplace.

Lobelia123 · 21/07/2020 11:31

I absolutely get this. You bring in treats and spoils as a bonding thing to share with your co-workers and to lighten the work atmosphere, not to treat their children sitting at home who you don't know from Adam. If sje didnt want to eat it, she should pass.

InfiniteSheldon · 21/07/2020 11:32

Another one here who thinks the issue is you. Why on earth are you taking in treats twice a week? Furthermore you are policing who, how much and when they are being eaten. Honestly this is about you not her. Sharing eating food is one of the great social things of our Society. Why is it important that they only participate in the way that suits you? Saying thank you very much I'll have it later is a really common way to deal with somebody being overbearing or putting too much pressure on. You could try taking the next treat in and saying these are for consumption in the office only. But really you should just stop.

Akea · 21/07/2020 11:57

My mom used to do this when I was little and I really loved it. We didn't have a great economical situation so I didn't have sweets too often.
Nowadays though this probably isn't the case anymore.

Anyhow...I like baking and since I'm also watching my calories I can't eat everything I do and my DP doesn't have a sweet tooth so I used to take w/e I cooked at work (prior to COVID). I never policed what they do with the treats, I don't do it for "bonding" reasons, I don't even stay with them when they eat it, I just shout that I brought X and I'll leave it in the kitchen for whoever wants.
I do however tell them sometimes if there are colleagues missing in that day to leave some for them as well (if I know they like sweets).

Do you want instant feedback on how good they are coz I don't see any other reason for which you'd be upset if they don't eat in front of you or give it to somebody else?

Lexilooo · 21/07/2020 12:07

Having encountered many and varied office cake cultures it really depends how things are done.

Most of the places I have worked cakes, chocolates, biscuits etc are put in an accessible place for people to take if they want. In those circumstances it is rude to take it home for someone else unless it is friday at 5pm and it will go to waste otherwise. If you don't want to eat it you don't take it. It is ok to take some and keep it on your desk for later. Seconds shouldn't be taken unless everyone else has had a fair chance.

If it is a charity cake sale then you can do whatever you like if you have paid for it.

In places where things are handed out, or passed round generally it is possible to politely decline but "saving it for later" is ok if someone is really insistent.

Specifically saying she is taking it for the kids is odd and unusual unless it is avoiding waste after everyone has had their fill. I can see why people are a bit narked but wouldn't be too bothered unless she was taking extra.

These things can get very heated though. I worked somewhere where a guy was such a greedy fucker and took stuff from fuddles for other teams that he had to be spoken to by management on more than one occasion!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/07/2020 12:38

I'm sorry it wasn't meant to offend, I've picked out many dog hairs in my time and now makes me feel sick.. yuck...

I didn't really mind, Brunette - I meant to stick a "LOL" in there, too.

I do have animals, but I prefer not to have their surplus hair in my dinner, so I agree with you.

Goatinthegarden · 21/07/2020 14:32

I’m bemused by all the people who can’t just say, ‘No thank you.’ if they don’t want something.

In my workplace, no one is ever bothered by people refusing the food, because it means there is more for those who do want it.

Crunchymum · 21/07/2020 14:35

If she is taking her share and saving it for her child, fine.

If she is taking her share plus extra for her child, not fine.

AliceinBunnyland · 21/07/2020 14:58

@Goatinthegarden

I’m bemused by all the people who can’t just say, ‘No thank you.’ if they don’t want something.

In my workplace, no one is ever bothered by people refusing the food, because it means there is more for those who do want it.

Same.
BrightYellowDaffodil · 21/07/2020 16:41

I’m bemused by all the people who can’t just say, ‘No thank you.’ if they don’t want something.

I'm guessing you haven't worked with people who won't accept a "No, thank you"! Some people get terribly offended if you don't want their cakes. I used to go to the Clandestine Cake Club but stopped because it became a bun (or rather cake) fight at the end when everyone wanted to offload their cakes and heaven forfend you didn't want theirs even if they had made mint frosting and it tasted like toothpaste . I ended up taking it to be polite and the chickens did very well out of it all Grin

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