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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think most women keep hair long to be attractive to the opposite sex?

999 replies

Ilovegreentomatoes · 19/07/2020 22:33

It's always been said men prefer long hair it looks more feminine etc.
I know many women hate having their hair short and are devastated if their hairdresser cuts of more than an inch.What is the obsession with long hair? I have fine hair and cut it short because long hair looks crap on me but I'm definitely in the minority. Even women who look better with short hair because of their hair texture insist on keeping it long. Do you think that's because we are subconsciously taught mainly by men that long hair is more attractive. Plus all teen girls have that uniform ultra long hair there is no diversity. And no I'm not jealous because I have short hair!(well very short bob to be fair.)

OP posts:
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squeekums · 20/07/2020 15:45

Quite interesting how many women are saying they look better with long hair, hence why they have it, but it's not because they want to appear attractive to men. On a conscious level, this may be true, but subconsciously, why do humans want to look attractive at all? Surely our subconscious desire to appear attractive is to attract a mate?

For me, I have long hair to hide behind. Always have
There are things about my face I'd change in a heartbeat if money and pain was no object, teeth, nose, ears, cos I simply struggle to look in a mirror and like me. I've always felt like an ugly duckling, so much I hated the story as a kid cos it wasn't true, I wasn't getting less odd looking
My long purple hair makes me feel safe, like people ain't staring at the bad stuff, the stuff I can't change.
My hair is what I can control that I like what I see in the mirror. It helps me look past my problem areas

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2020 15:47

Women don't doll up for men. We doll up for other womenGrin

squeekums · 20/07/2020 15:49

To me, there's nothing more manly than a bloke with long hair (think Eddie Vedder or Chris Cornell
Chris Cornell was sex on legs. That man was a god
The first thing that attracted me to dp was his long hair. Was so sad the day he cut it but his hair his choice, don't love him less

MrsEvil · 20/07/2020 15:51

Chris Cornell was gorgeous (completely coming of subject now)

MouseBack · 20/07/2020 16:03

Not everyone can have long hair - mine is very fine and fluffy and has never grown past my shoulders in my life. I've gone years with only trimming the ends yet it just gets to my collarbone and stops. It then splits and gets really ratty and straggly so I have to chop it to a chin length bob just to get it looking vaguely healthy. I don't know if this is genetic or what, I'd love to know what it feels like to have long hair!

roundandsideways · 20/07/2020 16:05

This whole thread is based on the premise that to want to look attractive is not acceptable
It's human nature

MrsKoala · 20/07/2020 16:05

why do humans want to look attractive at all? Surely our subconscious desire to appear attractive is to attract a mate?

I think that’s quite simplistic as fashions change and often they aren’t exactly what you’d call attractive, yet people wear them anyway. I’m sure if it was all about attracting a mate then wearing a skin tight, low top etc might be the way to go. I love fashion and design and have many outfits that men seem to find repellent but I wear them anyway because I love them and I think they look nice. One of my favourite outfits is a mans white shirt tucked into tweed trousers and brogues.

If you look at fashion models they aren’t often what you’d associate with sexual attractiveness.

BinkyBoinky · 20/07/2020 16:07

Don't hate me but when Chris Cornell cut his long hair he kind of lost his edge IMO. Still handsome but not as much as when he was in Soundgarden. Those long curls! 😍😍 Hubba Hubba

LondonCrone · 20/07/2020 16:09

I had a bob for years and years most of my twenties and loved it. It was so chic. It was only when I got divorced that I grew it out; I wanted something different, to look and feel different to how I did when I was married.

My hair is very long now. It's been amazing to me how powerful it is -- it stops people in their tracks, men and women alike. It's so bizarre, but it's no wonder that nuns and married women in the middle ages wore veils. There's something so, so sexy about long hair, even if it isn't the most fashion-forward or flattering (I think shorter hair looks much more modern).

MrsKoala · 20/07/2020 16:12

Unfortunately I hate long hair on men. Chris Cornell was gorgeous but sticking his do on a normal bloke in the street does not make them look like him. In fact to me they look way worse. Just like if I copied a beautiful woman’s hairstyle, it wouldn’t make me look more like her and would actually highlight how much I DONT look like her.

My H started growing his hair long last year and I loathe it. Much the same way that many women feel repulsed by beards. I can’t help my reaction. It doesn’t suit him and makes his head look enormous!

Graphista · 20/07/2020 16:24

My hair is fine and curly, it's MUCH easier to manage and make presentable when long - if only because when long on the worst days I just tie it up! In fact that's how I wear it most days! I scrape it into a "ponytail" twist and secure with a clip so there's only really a "tuft" showing but it looks like I've made WAY more effort! Grin

On the odd occasions when I've had it short, as soon as I'm more than a few days past the haircut it's murder to control! And straightening every day is a pita not least because I have a spinal/nerve disability which means 30-60 mins with my arms up faffing with hair HURTS! Fuck that!

I made the mistake of cutting it short when I'd just had dd thinking it'd be easier and quicker to manage, it was the first time I'd gone REALLY short and it was a huge mistake! Took bloody ages to grow it back to a decent length and the point at which it was too short to tie back but long enough to grab was JUST as dd was at grabbing stage! Ouch!

I'd have been much better off keeping it long and tying it back.

The male gaze is the LAST thing on my mind when considering how to manage it!

LonginesPrime · 20/07/2020 16:35

AIBU is also the award-winning home of the "whataboutter" poster. Who if uncomfortable with a point of view, finds anything (sex, previous posts, spelling, grammar) with which to beat that poster with instead of replying to their argument.

Well, sex is central to the question of why women as a class might do what they do.

While women posting their reasons for having long hair might add some insight (not on behalf of all women, but on behalf of themselves as a member of that class), a man posting their thoughts on why women do what they do doesn't add any insight into women's motivations.

And if sex isn't important, GinDaddy, why do you start with "man here!" whenever you wade into a debate about women's issues?

Obviously you're free to post where you like, but there is no male perspective that's relevant to the thread question. So it seems a tad tone-deaf for you to shoehorn yourself into a discussion about women's perspectives and then complain about sex discrimination.

Graphista · 20/07/2020 16:47

I need the weight of longer hair to manage the curl a bit.

So true with curly hair!

Dd has unfortunately inherited my curls but her dads thickness! The combination is an absolute nightmare to manage! At one point she did find a hairdresser who was willing to relax it but she's since moved and most hairdressers won't relax a white womans curly hair.

I noted on another thread recently how we both hate going to the hairdressers and I've mostly cut our hair myself.

If you have ultra fine hair I find in nearly all cases shorter styles look better. that's just your opinion, based on your own hair and bone structure? It's not fact

I'm 48 and my mother thinks it's "unseemly" to have long hair after 40! Ridiculous!

On the odd occasion I wear it down (and someone sees it!) I still receive loads of compliments and "people would pay good money to have your hair" but that's partly the colour too which is a popular one at the moment BUT was a nightmare growing up due to huge prejudice in this country (redhead)

What I HAVE found amusing is the women of my mothers generation (boomers) who laughed at their mothers with their shampoo and sets being a sign of their age...when almost all boomers I know now have a certain style of bob! So that's become a fair indicator of their age!

They also seem oblivious to the fact they've done pretty much as their mothers did and gravitated back to a style they first adopted in their late teens/twenties as that was the fashion then. Shampoo and set became an "old woman's" thing when the women of that era for whom that was a fashionable 'do became pensioners themselves.

I was fortunate enough to know my great grandmothers who were still alive until just before I started high school and they'd have been in their teens/twenties in the Edwardian era and so still had very long hair which they daily put into traditional buns and coils!

Alsohuman · 20/07/2020 16:51

What I HAVE found amusing is the women of my mothers generation (boomers) who laughed at their mothers with their shampoo and sets being a sign of their age...when almost all boomers I know now have a certain style of bob! So that's become a fair indicator of their age!

I’m a boomer. I’m the only woman in my social circle who hasn’t got either long hair or a pixie cut.

SerenDippitty · 20/07/2020 16:54

Same here @Alsohuman

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2020 16:57

@JoachimH I always wash my hair in the morning and give the roots a few seconds blast with a dryer if I'm going out in the cold. It usually dries naturally. I don't actually know how to blow dry it properly.

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2020 17:02

@Alsohuman I'm also a boomer with long hair. My friends have a variety of styles.

Graphista · 20/07/2020 17:03

@Alsohuman perhaps it's also slightly regional?

Where I am the women who predominantly have a blunt bob with a fringe are boomers and as a result very few women of other generations will have a bob here as they consider it ageing.

Graphista · 20/07/2020 17:05

Regarding washing and drying I barely need to touch mine!

Wash it, wrap it turban style while I dry and moisturise rest of me (I have eczema) then by the time I've done that, taken it out the turban and combed it (NEVER brush it would just frizz!) it's almost dry anyway!

On hotter days it's often dry before I comb it.

zukiecat · 20/07/2020 17:09

I've had long hair since I was 16, I'm 53 now, I was always desperate for long hair, my mother wouldn't let me grow it before I was 16, so I couldn't wait for it to be long.

It's long, for me and me alone, I hate short hair, it's just not for me. I also adore anyone playing with or brushing my hair, DD2 usually does it.

My two adult DDs have always had long hair too, and they kept it long because they love it, and not to attract any man.

Infullbloom · 20/07/2020 17:14

I have thick curly hair, it would be a nightmare short. My hairstyle and clothing style is purely for ease and comfort, it is most certainly not for anyone else's benefit, least of all men. Certain types of hair are suited to different lengths/styles. Not too difficult to understand.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 20/07/2020 17:18

I have long very blonde hair and MIL often tells me I'm reaching an age where I should have short hair (I'm not even 40).

In her social group every woman has short pixie cuts they tong each morning and set with fifteen thousand sprays of Elnett. I love my hair - it's fuss free and because I'm naturally light blonde there's no bleach/roots/damage.

Long hair is so easy to care for - and because mine is naturally quite wavy when it's short I look like a Bee Gee. I can't imagine ever getting it cut short.

audweb · 20/07/2020 17:22

I’m with others with thick curly hair. My hair sits better and is easier to manage long - I have the choice of putting it up if it’s long if it was short I wouldn’t be able to. Also I have a round face and curls, long hair sits nicer and also holds my curls better. Also there genuinely nothing wrong with wanting to look “our best” or attractive. It’s also not wrong not to care.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/07/2020 17:26

My hair has some natural wavy movement in it. I keep my hair long because that means I can have kind of messy wavy hair and get away without having it cut more than once or twice a year. I'm basically lazy and short hair is a faff!

ladytremaineswig · 20/07/2020 17:44

@FudgeBrownie2019 I'm 35 and my mil is always going on about me cutting mine. I think she thinks I should spend more time on the housework and ironing than on my hair. Not happening any time soon. She's horrified by my post lockdown length 😂

To think most women keep hair long to be attractive to the opposite sex?