MIL and Birthday Cake

[moremoneylesstime]

Hey Mumsnet!

For as long as me and DP have been together, I've always had this feeling that his mother does not like me. Some comments, uninvitations? and demoted to 'baby sitter' type of things.

So I am not sure if my judgment is a little compromised.

However, we finally saw her for the first time this weekend since lockdown started and it lined up with DD2 (5) bday which fell the day after. Perfect!

She sent DP a text in the morning saying she was bringing up a small Madeira cake, I assumed the small type you have with a cup of tea. But what she actually bought was a massive girls unicorn birthday cake. Which she then made us all sing happy birthday to DD while she carried it out and I just felt like crying.

I don't know why, maybe cause we were meant to be abroad and I tried to overcompensate by blowing money I didn't really have on an expensive cake which is still nearly untouched in my fridge.

Am I being unreasonable to think you do not go to someone's house the day before their child's birthday and then pull out a massive birthday cake?!?! Knowing full well that you've already bought one?!?!? And you are excited to present it to your child on their birthday???? Which was then ruined!!

Or should I think how my daughter sees this which is probably 'yay two cakes!'

Was this acceptable or am I just looking for reasons to dislike this women? I could really use some honesty please!

Thank you so much!

Well she's been a bit silly, hasn't she. You won't be inviting her around for a good week either side of DD's birthdays in future in case she pulls another stunt like that.

The way to deal with this is simple:

She upstaged you and pissed you off this year.
Next year you don’t see her for weeks either side of your DD’s birthday.

Natural justice (and no wasted unicorn cake )

I agree with pp, she lied to you, so of course you're annoyed.

I think telling her she's annoyed you then and there is a good move.

Sometimes you have to play people at their own game. My sister used to pull crappy moves until I started playing her at her own game and bursting into tears when she upset me, or just looking upset and leaving the room.

I think you did well throwing it away. It took me literally years to realise that I didn't have to hang onto things that made me unhappy just because they were a gift/expensive. It's remarkably liberating going 'You know what? I don't want that in my life' and just making it disappear. Well done you!

Definitely NBU IMO. I would be very annoyed by this - presenting the birthday cake is the parents job! Making everyone sit and watch while she carries a cake out is overstepping the mark. If she knows you had already bought a cake why does she feel the need to bring another one? And if she described it as a 'small Madeira cake' when in fact it's a unicorn cake then she already knows she is being unreasonable, or she would have described it more accurately.

I know it's difficult but try and forget it, like you say your daughter will just be happy she gets to have two cakes! But I feel for you.

I understand this my nan does this every year. I get my daughter or son a beautiful cake, and out she wheels some jazzed up Asda cake. With so many candles it looks like a flame thrower is coming torwards you. Pisses me off every year

Why didnt you say ' oh wow!What happened to the Medea cake we were all expecting?
PIL tried this with DH’s recent birthday. FIL texted me the day before to say they were bringing a cake over with them for DH’s birthday lunch. So cheeky! My swift reply was “Lovely to offer, but all sorted, thanks..I’ve just collected his bday cake from the baker. Yum, chocolate
Why couldn't your husband have a cake from his parents as well?
I'd be well pissed off if my husband told my mum not to bring me a cake over. 🤷‍♀️

Next time you are invited to her house for tea or whatever, but preferably on a suitable occasion, buy a shop's own brand madeira cake ( e.g.Tesco £1.25) and present to her and say, 'I just thought I would bring a small Madeira cake to go with tea', with a big smile on your face. She will understand the point you are making and what can she say, you were kind enough to bring cake. Madeira cake has no icing, no filling and no decoration.