Fallen out with MIL

[WhatOnEarth67]

Fallen out with my MIL and not sure what to do to fix it!

She hasn’t liked me since me and my partner got together. We had a baby back in April and ever since all I have got is criticism, what a good dad my partner is, how lucky I am to have him. I’m on mental health medication for postpartum mental health issues and she said I needed to sort that out because ‘how would I possibly cope without my partner’. She’s made so many comments and even pulled me to one side while my partner wasn’t in the room and gave me a lecture. I try to just let it slide to avoid an argument. She absolutely loves her other son’s daughter, constantly gushing about her, even when I got pregnant she wasn’t happy about it and said that it would be different if it was her other DIL. She invites her on holidays with them and is constantly posting pictures of them together. It does get to me because I’ve had her first grandson and I still don’t feel like a part of the family at all.

She recently got angry with me because I wasn’t comfortable with my partner’s brother seeing my baby because he was travelling from the other side of the country. I’ve agreed to a social distance meet now but I felt really pressured into it, I’ve been really cautious with my baby and it took 6 weeks for us to even feel comfortable enough for him to meet his isolating grandparents.

Every time I tried to tell her I was feeling uncomfortable she would shut me down and start patronising me. I ended up just letting everything building up out. Said how she was making me feel like a poor parent, that I’m constantly being criticised and told I’m doing thing wrong, and that I feel really pushed out of the family. She ignored my message and hasn’t spoken to me in a few days now, but has been messaging my partner about how she’s now scared I won’t let her see our baby, and how it’s all really unfair. This would never be the case.

I’m struggling anyway and wish I hadn’t said anything but I was getting really upset. Now I’m not sure how to fix it. Do I message her, or just leave it?

What a horrible judgemental old bat! Let her get on with it!

You sound like you are doing an amazing job, enjoy cuddling your baby as much as you can they grow so quickly

@Merryoldgoat

She has no rights over your child. Expensive lawyers can’t change the law.

THIS! Grandparents do NOT have any rights, contrary to popular belief. There have to be very exceptional circumstances and the child and grandparent I believe, need to have an existing 'parent & child' relationship

Personally, I think shit treatment from family, including in-laws, exacerbates PND, and having negative people in your life who only seem to criticise and pull you down makes it hard to start feeling better about yourself.

Concentrate on your little family, you, your DP and the baby and ignore/block MIL.

Her comments about her other DIL are the killer give away that she is actually actively bullying you and wants to hurt you, rather than misguidedly trying to help and getting it wrong and being overbearing.
She deliberately draws comparisons that are designed to hurt. She has nothing nice to say about you at all.
Block her and enjoy your baby
Ask your DP to leave it now.

Your dp needs to stop his little chats with her if she isn't listening to him.
You say he has your back, but he clearly hasn't because she is still doing it and he's still in contact.

I'd block her. If she wants to talk to her son they can crack on, as long as he doesn't discuss you.
Send her a last message if it'll make you feel better.
"Dear mil, thanks for your apology, it was much appreciated. We do agree that we all want what's best for our son and our relationship. You've raised a strong independent son, who I do not control. We discuss things together and agree a way forward. I think our way forward is for you to keep your well intentioned advice to yourself, res assured we will do the very best for your grandson. I'd appreciate if you'd just communicate with your son. Best wishes"

Definitely send @forrestgreen message. Then block her for good.

She obviously doesn't realise that respect is a two way street.

The trick is not to care what she says/does/thinks. You actually have all the power here and she has none.

If you and your DP stop seeing her and confiding things about youtmr mental health, she'll have nothing fresh to attack you over and nobody to listen even if she did.

It wouldn’t even surprise me if this close relationship she talks about with her other DIL isn’t quite what she projects it to be either. She seems vile. That usually doesn’t hide well. In any case, enjoy your time with your little family. Don’t ever try to justify your choices - there is no magic recipe for childrearing that must include a bib.

No need for her to have your number op. Block and concentrate on you and your dc..

I don't see why you want this relationship with her? She's not bringing anything positive to your life. its not a rule that you have to have a close and comfy relationship with your in-laws. Just block her and leave it. If your husband wants to see them let him. Just leave it.

Is your other MILs DDIL married rather than a partner ?

This can be a big deal . It makes you look like you aren't
really committed to either DP or family and could leave at any time