DP's siblings causing drama re OUR wedding

[chocotale]

Me and DP announced last week that we are getting married in just over 4 weeks time. Our original plan was to get married in April but due to Covid-19 we couldn't so we chose a date in August. Neither one of us ever wanted a big wedding with guests and we ALWAYS wanted a small registry office wedding, no guests, no reception, just witnesses. This hasn't changed. We're both introverts and don't like socialising nor like being the center of attention. Yes, we will still wear a dress and a suit for our wedding and our photoshoot so we have some memories and something to show our kids/grandkids. Here is where it gets tricky, we asked both our moms to be witnesses who both said yes therefore both our moms will be there. His brothers and sisters are not happy. They now fell out with us because they keep saying how 'disrespectful' it is to not invite them to our wedding and for choosing not to have a reception or anything that they can come to. Even if we were to have guest or a reception after the wedding, they probably wouldn't come which is what annoyed me...DP doesn't really get on with them very well. We didn't even get a congratulations from them, nothing...just pure drama.

AIBU to be annoyed that they're being like this and causing drama about something that quite frankly has nothing to do with them? I just want to get married and prepare for my big day.

YES - You're right to be annoyed, ignore them and do what YOU like
NO - You should apologise to them and organise a reception or a get together after the wedding

Congratulations! 💐
YANBU - Enjoy the preparation and ignore the toxic siblings.
Your plan sounds amazing! 💐💐

Ignore them.

My SIL eloped and told nobody about the wedding until afterwards. And we get on ok. I was a tad disappointed but recognised what she wants trumped my own feelings and managed to be happy for her!

Can people have a wedding reception? I thought there were restrictions on this.
Anyhow I think you are doing the right thing. Ignore them it's not their decision at all as to what type of wedding you have.
I think what you are doing sounds fab and thousands of people do it that way.
Congratulations.

Just do it your way.

It’s not a question of whether you’re being unreasonable or not. It’s your wedding, you must do what you want, however you must have known your Fiancé’s siblings would be upset.

Your wedding your choice

Yep... do it your way.
You’re getting married for yourselves not for other people.
Sounds like it will be the perfect opportunity for you partner to ditch them .
Congratulations!

My brother did this. Just him, his wife and her children. I didn’t blame him one bit - their choice totally. My parents were a bit hurt but got over it.

Just do what you want. If they’re not close anyway, you aren’t missing anything if they take umbrage and refuse to speak with you for a while. They’ll get over it!

I can see both sides. I’m not a person who would want a big wedding either but part of a wedding, for me, is about two families joining together and I can see how hurtful it would be to totally exclude all family members, especially siblings, apart from your Mums. I think they have a right to be upset. Even a meal at some point in the future would have been a nice gesture. It does give the sense of cutting yourselves off from the rest of the family and isn’t the best start to married life in my opinion only. But it’s your wedding, your rules. Maybe just explain it’s an introvert thing rather than deliberate exclusion.

I think I’d be wondering what I’d done to upset you if I was your sister.

Ignore. Weddings bring out the worst pushiness in people.

Take 6 deep breaths and do what you want.

I don't understand why people get so involved and upset by other people's weddings.

Do what's right for you - it's an important event and memory for life for you. It's a nice day that passes for everyone else.

We didn't invite anyone and our family were completely supportive.

Yanbu Hope you have a lovely day. I wish DH and I had done something more like this, we're both introverts and ended up being steamrollered by the the whims of aunts and siblings.

I'd have been gutted to miss out on seeing my brother get married.

But given you said they probably wouldn't come anyway, and given the cheng restrictions, they are being a little unkind.

Do whatever you want
.I've been married twice and didn't do either entirely how I wanted.I regret that a lot.Its your day make sure its a great one.

Thank all, reading the comments makes me feel a little better. Yeah, I wish we were both up for a big wedding with plenty of guests but as mentioned, we both absolutely hate social events. I really hope that they can come to understand where we're coming from in the end

Yanbu to not invite but I think its pretty shit to tell them details and then make it clear they aren't welcome- you should of just told them after the event

I could understand your parents would perhaps be very upset if you excluded them. However you haven’t done this. You have announced your plans. No elopement. No drama. Have your day your way.

Ignore them, we did the same, none of DH's siblings came to our wedding and only one of mine did ... but we didn't make a big thing about 'telling' them about the wedding, can't remember if we even mentioned it before or told them afterwards (30+ years ago).

I did this 10 years ago! My husband and I went to the registary office with 2 witnesses and just did it.It was amazing.We told everyone thats what we were doing and we were open.It was our day done our way..me him and my son and his friend to witness.We then went off on honeymoon straight afterwards.I can highly recommend it.Tell the others who are causing trouble that you wouldnt dream of interfering in their plans so they are not interfering in yours end of! Have a fabulous wedding you won;t regret it.

We were going to do that, sans parents even.

In the end we had immediate family and I'm very glad we did. Made it right for us.

Friends weren't impressed though that they weren't invited and a couple fell out with me.

It's your wedding, ignore them and enjoy your day! It sounds exactly what I would do aswell, congratulations!

Sorry, forgot to say Congratulations!

your wedding, your call. They sound incredibly rude.

Don't overthink it and enjoy your day!

Completely not being unreasonable! Someone always gets upset over a wedding!

My husband and I got married a couple of years ago and had quite and big wedding, we decided not to invite children as we didn't have any of our own at the time, our friends are big drinkers and there was a lake! Also I didn't want to fork out more money for Children’s entertainment and pay £45 a head for food that they probably wouldn't eat! Anyway my sister in law chose not to come as I didn't invite her children (my brother step children) and we never fell out, just her choice. However my husbands cousin still does not speak to us 2 years later as we did not invite her children (my husbands 2nd cousins) 😂

You can't please everyone! It's your wedding and your choice! Congratulations and enjoy your special day 🥂

You’re not having “no guests”: both your mothers are attending.

YANBU to have as few guests as you like.

They haven’t made “drama”: they feel sad/annoyed not to be invited - fair enough, it’s how they feel - and have expressed that. DP can handle it.
No need for you to get involved.