DP's siblings causing drama re OUR wedding

[chocotale]

Me and DP announced last week that we are getting married in just over 4 weeks time. Our original plan was to get married in April but due to Covid-19 we couldn't so we chose a date in August. Neither one of us ever wanted a big wedding with guests and we ALWAYS wanted a small registry office wedding, no guests, no reception, just witnesses. This hasn't changed. We're both introverts and don't like socialising nor like being the center of attention. Yes, we will still wear a dress and a suit for our wedding and our photoshoot so we have some memories and something to show our kids/grandkids. Here is where it gets tricky, we asked both our moms to be witnesses who both said yes therefore both our moms will be there. His brothers and sisters are not happy. They now fell out with us because they keep saying how 'disrespectful' it is to not invite them to our wedding and for choosing not to have a reception or anything that they can come to. Even if we were to have guest or a reception after the wedding, they probably wouldn't come which is what annoyed me...DP doesn't really get on with them very well. We didn't even get a congratulations from them, nothing...just pure drama.

AIBU to be annoyed that they're being like this and causing drama about something that quite frankly has nothing to do with them? I just want to get married and prepare for my big day.

YES - You're right to be annoyed, ignore them and do what YOU like
NO - You should apologise to them and organise a reception or a get together after the wedding

Do it your way, lovely. DP's brother and his lovely partner had a registry office ceremony, paid for a small photoshoot then sent the family some copies. Their witnesses were a couple they got chatting to on the train who were also getting married

I think the idea of a big wedding if you're an introvert is daft

Congratulations I hope you and your DP have many wonderful years together

@HBBDC no I mean in general. Well for a start, I only have one mum and I have several siblings! (And I have lost both a sibling and my parents, which were massively painful bereavements, but in different ways). A sibling could be very close in age I suppose but there was a time you weren't together - your mum, usually, carried you and raised you and had a bit more patience than a sibling has to. They looked after all your needs as a child. Siblings are good friends and playmates (if you're lucky) and you can be there for eachother as adults too. But I don't think most people would view a sister as more important in their lives than their mum, no.
There will obviously be exceptions.

People who whitter on about people "disrespecting" them are invariably people who simply don't deserve respect.

@iklboo explained it better than me

It’s your wedding so you should have the day you both want. I can understand his siblings/family being disappointed - it is pretty natural to want to celebrate when someone you love gets married. But they have no right to be unloading that onto you, or being unpleasant towards you or your soon-to-be-dh, @chocotale.

Congratulations, and I hope you have a lovely day and a very happy life together. Dh and I will be celebrating our 28th anniversary at the beginning of August, and I hope you will be as happy as we are, for even longer than us!

Thank you all. I haven't had a chance to read all the comments yet as today had been hectic but I will go through them when the kids are in bed. I did see a question about whether I have siblings and the answer is no, only child here

In reply to letmethinkaboutitfornow - the very first reply. How do you jump from a sibling wanting to be involved in normal family life, to that making them 'toxic siblings ?

but part of a wedding, for me, is about two families joining together and I can see how hurtful it would be to totally exclude all family members, especially siblings, apart from your Mums. I think they have a right to be upset. Even a meal at some point in the future would have been a nice gesture. It does give the sense of cutting yourselves off from the rest of the family and isn’t the best start to married life in my opinion only. But it’s your wedding, your rules.

This ^
It is hurtful and sends that message out to your close family. You talk about them causing drama - but it seems to me that is what you are doing. If you genuinely just want to be the two of you for legal / financil reason, then go and do it and, if you like, tell people afterwards. But to make an announcement that you are having a wedding ceremony to which they are not invited sounds like you are the ones causing the drama.

Yes, each to their own, and you are absolutely allowed to do what you want, but why rub other peoples noses in it and not just go off and do it quietly if that is what you want.
Not being able to speak or share a meal with your own immediate families is a lot further down the road than 'being an introvert'

[quote Goingdownto]@HBBDC no I mean in general. Well for a start, I only have one mum and I have several siblings! (And I have lost both a sibling and my parents, which were massively painful bereavements, but in different ways). A sibling could be very close in age I suppose but there was a time you weren't together - your mum, usually, carried you and raised you and had a bit more patience than a sibling has to. They looked after all your needs as a child. Siblings are good friends and playmates (if you're lucky) and you can be there for eachother as adults too. But I don't think most people would view a sister as more important in their lives than their mum, no.
There will obviously be exceptions.[/quote]
That's really interesting. It doesn't resonate with me at all in terms of my family (I'm close to my parents but my DB and I have done a huge amount more of the practical and emotional support for each other, especially as adults, than we've had from our parents). I would be hugely upset and pretty bloody surprised if he got married and I was second tier to our parents, given the relationship he and I have.

But, what you say makes sense and I can see how other people would feel that way about their siblings. OP, I'm sorry, I'll revise what I said. Excluding the siblings when a parent is invited would be a horrible thing to do in some families, and only your DHTB can know whether it's a close enough relationship that they would feel genuinely upset to be excluded, or whether it's just feeling 'disrespected.' As long as it was his decision, HWNBU.

YABU still to call their reactions 'drama' though. I stand by the fact that they're entitled to their feelings about it.