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Original poster

Friend and children still in complete lockdown

999 replies

madbirdlady22 · 17/07/2020 08:18

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

OP posts:
Alex50 · 19/07/2020 14:52

My daughter is meeting up with 5 friends to play crazy golf tomorrow outside, then coming back to my house, in the garden for a takeaway Nando’s. I don’t know anyone in real life with children that don’t go out. These children will all be in the same bubble at school.

I’m trying to work out is it only on mumsnet that families are still in strict lockdown? Life is getting back to normal for my family. We have just booked a holiday abroad. I can’t get my head round, young healthy families still not going out at all. Oh well if that makes you and your family happy that is your choice.

saraclara · 19/07/2020 14:59

@annabel85

If only everyone was as cautious as your friend we'd have been rid of this thing months ago.
And we'd have had no food, no essential services, no medical attention, no postal services, no... - well I'm sure you can add to the list of things we wouldn't have if no-one left their home.
maxdash · 19/07/2020 15:05

Yes, some are going out if they need to. Some are taking daily exercise walks or going to their local park. None are going out an awful lot though. None that I'm aware of have a garden like ours, though I've not been to all their houses.

Raimona · 19/07/2020 15:09

I’m vulnerable and so are my parents, who I need to have contact with in order to care for them. So I stay at home and use online shopping. Some posters seem angry that I’m able to do this while they need to go to work. Well it’s your decision whether you go to work or not. It’s your decision what type of job you applied for. You’re free to quit and earn £0 like I do. Do you expect everyone who’s not a key worker to feel guilty about it?

Alsohuman · 19/07/2020 15:10

@annabel85

If only everyone was as cautious as your friend we'd have been rid of this thing months ago.
No we wouldn’t, all we’d have done is store up a huge number of cases for when people did finally emerge. According to this morning’s papers, the R rate is around 0.1 or 0.2 in most places now. Johnson is adamant there won’t be another national lockdown. This really can’t go on.
Nicknacky · 19/07/2020 15:15

I’m not angry about having been out at work, far from it. I think it’s helped me keep things in perspective by seeing how the world is still turning.

Not to mention being glad of an income!

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 19/07/2020 15:17

I haven’t read the whole thread but I genuinely didn’t realise we were supposed to be taking our children all kinds of places now. Mine come for dog walks with me in secluded places but otherwise we’ve stayed home except one hooked in barbers visit. We’re fine, just don’t trust others to behave decently having experienced how stupidly some are acting when I’ve been forced out.
My children are happy and healthy and we’re doing fine.

SecondStarFromTheRight · 19/07/2020 15:28

@TheWomanTheyCallJayne This thread isn't suggesting you take your children all kinds of places. It's wondering why people with children who aren't shielding won't take them for a secluded walk or in some cases even a step outside the front door.

maxdash · 19/07/2020 15:33

Nicknacky definitely grateful for an income! Obviously some people have had to go out to work as they have jobs critical to society and that can't be done from home. I'm grateful the trust I work for has made huge steps to allow as many as possible to work from home though - I'm a social worker by training and whilst I've been seconded by the COVID strategy team for the duration, I'm still in touch with my old teams and apart from their essential visits, all office based work is to be done from home now. The COVID exec committee I'm part of is all WFH too. They're trying to minimise movement around the hospital.

maxdash · 19/07/2020 15:39

SecondStarFromTheRight it may have started like that but I have had many posters tell me that my kids need social interaction which you won't get on a secluded walk!

SecondStarFromTheRight · 19/07/2020 15:59

@maxdash Whilst I do think social interaction is obviously hugely beneficial for children, I think a simple walk as a family in a different environment would be a great first step for a few people on this thread. Social meet ups can happen later if they want to!

SecondStarFromTheRight · 19/07/2020 16:00

@maxdash And I'm sorry if you've felt pressured or bullied by me or others in any way. That was not my intent at all!

Hoggleludo · 19/07/2020 16:21

I think one thing people are missing

This issues CAN and HAS killed healthy children and adults.

That's got to cause anxiety in normal healthy people. Not everyone is going to go. Well I'm healthy. No need to worry. Remember that.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 19/07/2020 16:22

Op said busy local park and gardens though.
Why is going to an actual secluded place, where they presumably don’t see anyone, any better than their garden?
Why the need?

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/07/2020 16:23

Because a change of scenery is good for all!

ineedaholidaynow · 19/07/2020 16:37

Exactly @OverTheRainbow88

SecondStarFromTheRight · 19/07/2020 16:59

@TheWomanTheyCallJayne Rather than repeating all the points that have been made I suggest you RTFT if you are genuinely interested rather than just being goady. There are plenty of reasons why going for a walk even if just within your family unit and to a secluded area is a good idea.

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 17:23

I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

I still stand by that's a revolting comment @Raimona it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic? But of course that's not your problem, because you're ok and that's all that matters to you.

Awful attitude

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 17:27

@Coronabegone

I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

I still stand by that's a revolting comment @Raimona it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic? But of course that's not your problem, because you're ok and that's all that matters to you.

Awful attitude

But the more people who stay at home, reduce their interactions, the less virus there is circulating making it safer for the nurse, post man and delivery driver doing their jobs.
Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 17:32

But the more people who stay at home, reduce their interactions, the less virus there is circulating making it safer for the nurse, post man and delivery driver doing their jobs.

But the less ta that's paid to pay for the NHS! People on furlough don't pay NI!

Good to see you back and interacting with me again, I presume you'll call me a bully again in a few messages time @Hearhoovesthinkzebras !

I can't stand all that you're bullying me, so I'll get involved with you again, even though your post was to done one else and when you say something I don't like I call bully again!

ineedaholidaynow · 19/07/2020 17:34

Still doesn’t help the mental wellbeing and social development of young children does it though?

What happens if your area has to go into local lockdown in the winter months, does that mean some children won’t have been out of the house for 9 months. How can that be good? The rate in most areas is low, I would be taking advantage now of being able to get out and being able to go for walks etc, because that chance might disappear soon. Going for a socially distanced walk is not making the rates go up, going to enclosed buildings may.

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 17:36

What happens if your area has to go into local lockdown in the winter months, does that mean some children won’t have been out of the house for 9 months. How can that be good? The rate in most areas is low, I would be taking advantage now of being able to get out and being able to go for walks etc, because that chance might disappear soon. Going for a socially distanced walk is not making the rates go up, going to enclosed buildings may.

9 months would be awful!

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 17:36

What happens if your area has to go into local lockdown in the winter months, does that mean some children won’t have been out of the house for 9 months. How can that be good? The rate in most areas is low, I would be taking advantage now of being able to get out and being able to go for walks etc, because that chance might disappear soon. Going for a socially distanced walk is not making the rates go up, going to enclosed buildings may.

9 months would be awful!

Barryisland · 19/07/2020 17:48

Maybe your ‘friend’ no longer wants to be your friend as you are nosey and interfering?
Maybe she is going out and meeting with her real friends and its just you she doesnt want to see? Just a thought!!

gingganggooleywotsit · 19/07/2020 17:51

very good point @ineedaholidaynow I agree we should all be enjoying ourselves outside while we can, and while the weather is good.

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