Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

I dunno, I think different people are different. My 2 kids (6 and 3) were fine living in a 5 person 2 bed flat for a strict lockdown - for maybe 6 weeks. I had to drag them out for a daily short walk as they didn’t particularly want to go. If you have a garden, then they could get their outdoors there.

From what you’re describing perhaps the older kid may be struggling, but everyone is different. I wouldn’t assume that everyone needs to go out and socialise. I guess let her know that her kid may be struggling and to consider different things (to help if there is any distress) - talking to health visitor, school, gp, arranging social zoom calls.

*Again

Government guidelines are dangerously wrong!

All experts say to keep staying at home!

The new guidelines are purely political decisions!

The government is putting money over people’s life’s!

Stop being sheeple.

Stay home to protect your loved ones!*

The numbers are reducing, what "experts" are you talking about?

If we all stay home and don't work, the economy will is ruined.

I'm not being sheepie, I'm assessing risk and deciding on actions.

Stop being absolutely ridiculously OTT!

I’m sorry but there is a complete lack of risk perception from some posters. Bronchiolitis is more risky to small children than COVID has provided to be and they’re generally not kept inside and away from people every winter for that.

I hate to think what the stats will be for this year’s weighing programmes. It was already going to be harder for parents to get enough active play in but I never imagined there would be lots of people (other than those shielding) who have never stepped outside their front door despite being allowed to.

@Sailingblue couldn't agree more, it is bad mentally and physically.

@syskywalker I think you need help. I do feel sorry for people who are so anxious and over the top, how are you ever going to get back to living your life?

There is going to be a huge MH problem in September for children

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jul/19/therapists-and-teachers-warn-of-looming-mental-health-crisis

I’m very cautious about going out. People are dying! I’m not convinced it’s safe to go out - the government is just saying it is because they can’t afford the economy to stall any further. Imo there’s going to be a second wave in a couple of months; numbers are already rising. Maybe your friend, like me, doesn’t trust the government and hasn’t been fooled into believing it’s all over.

@saraclara yes they do have the choice to do what they feel is best for their child. Boris Johnson doesn't give two hoots about the public's health. Do you think because the government tells us to do something that they are always right and we must follow what we are told to do? If they want to stay at home it is seriously not an issue. I know many people choosing still to stay at home.

Maybe suggest taking the kids out for a few hours to give them a break?

Why does everyone keep referring back to the government and not trusting them? This is really nothing to do with that. It's irrelevant. I'm not going out for a walk because the government tell me to, I'm going out for a walk because it's good for mental well-being. A child being kept in the same environment for months on end is not healthy. Anyone inflicting that situation on a child unnecessarily is doing them a disservice.

@Raimona people are always going to die? The deaths yesterday were 40, 18 people die as a result of poor mental health and suicide and the level of areas and anxiety being fed to children over this will lead to serious long lasting issues in the long term.

We can't all just stay at home, so why certain people think they can is beyond me.

Similar worry here about friend with 14 and 11 year old. The 14 has left her house three times since lockdown. One walk around block. Once in car and stayed in car - not sure about third. No shielding or vulnerability issues. Mum is seemingly not concerned and leaving her to do what she wants. They have a garden. Worried. This thread has been helpful with ideas of how to support quietly if need be.
Good luck op.

Agree @GoldenOmber, this thread is deeply unsettling. I've thought throughout that there must be several anxious people spending all their time indoors, aside from the people who are actually shielding, who we don't know about because they're not the ones we encounter when we do go out. But now I'm starting to wonder if those numbers are much higher than I realised.

We can't all just stay at home, so why certain people think they can is beyond me
I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

Those who are still staying home, what would need to change for you to feel able to leave the house? Shielding pauses on 1st August - will this make you feel differently? Would you like to see the death rate at zero or new cases at zero? Are you waiting for a vaccine? This is a genuine question - I'm trying to work out what level of risk you would accept.

I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

Yeah and I have to go to work to fund the NHS etc for you to have that revolting attitude! I'd love to say no, don't bother with people that think "I'm alright", hopefully you've got a partner that pays tax and NI.

No, it's not your problem but people like you are a massive problem!

@Raimona

We can't all just stay at home, so why certain people think they can is beyond me I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

Apart from the people that pick your shopping and deliver it.

Yesterday I went to our little Tesco with my 14 year old. She said it was the first time she had been to a shop, she's been for walks but not a shop. I was surprised at myself that this hadn't dawned on me.

If you have a 2 year old and don’t step outside your house until September that is a quarter of their life that they have not been outside their home. Unless someone is shielding in the family, surely no-one can think that is ok.

Yes there is the tv, the internet, but how will a really young child compute what is real and what isn’t? If they have never seen an actual other human being even from a distance, be it an adult or a child, how can that be right?

The Government wanted the youngest years back in school first, not just because of their education but because of their social development too. Schools are going to have a huge uphill battle facing them in September, and I can’t imagine how scary the first day at school will be for a child who hasn’t stepped outside their home for 6 months will be.

I agree. I nearly exploded when bil and sil were smugly pontificating over zoom that the govt was prioritising the economy and the priority should be to save lives so people should stay at home.

These are two early retired people with mammoth pensions, a large house and no young children/teens/young starters out to worry about. People are horribly selfish who think that the health service/delivery drivers/manufacturers/utility providers should all keep on serving them whilst they sit there like gods to be worshipped.

I work in a shop. I was never given the opportunity to 'stay at home' because everyone in the neighbourhood wanted to be able to buy food.

I was a bit scared at first but ended up just thinking 'oh, what the hell'. I'm nearly 60 and asthmatic, so it might not go well for me if I catch Covid, but, unfortunately, I'm single and the bills need paying. So it was work, or cower indoors and starve.

I think the point about possible control from her DH is really a serious possibility.
And I do think she might actually need your help but cannot admit it. If this little boy is lashing out, it is already very serious for him as well as her.
This really does not sound like a 'respect her wishes' problem but beyond.

phe.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=47574f7a6e454dc6a42c5f6912ed7076

I don’t know if that link will work - if not then google ‘public health England’ and maps. Then click onto the arcgis option that comes up. When you’re in the website just put your postcode in and it’ll tell you how many cases were reported in your area in the last week. I’m in a commuter town in the SE and there’s NOTHING around me for miles apart from 12 cases in the biggest hospital in the area. I hope for those of you too frightened to leave your front doors it helps to show you what the picture is in your area and it might help you re-evaluate your risk assessments?
Even London doesn’t show much at all! When you click into the odd ‘blue’ part in London and then use the arrows on the top/right it’ll often say something like ‘3’ cases reported last week.

Certainly (in my area at least) it does not justify children being shielded inside for months on end.

I took my four year old son for a horse riding lesson yesterday in the sunshine and he LOVED it. (Earlier that morning he had watched clips on YouTube of Canadian Mounties on their horses and he enjoyed that too, but it in no way compared to his experience on a sweet little Shetland!) As did the other young families, the elderly instructor and the woman clearly having chemotherapy treatment who was leading her daughter on a horse.

People are horribly selfish who think that the health service/delivery drivers/manufacturers/utility providers should all keep on serving them whilst they sit there like gods to be worshipped.

Ha! That made me laugh. I hadn't really thought about all these paranoid musnetters not leaving (or letting their families) leave their house, being dependent on those who have to/are prepared to.

What makes them so special, indeed! And their poor isolated children are at FAR less risk than the people who are producing, picking and delivering their food.

I also disagree that there's no point walking round suburban streets or city centres because it's boring and there's no green space. I try to get a 4 to 5 mile walk around my suburban streets each day. It would be boring walking the same route every day without any changes, true. So I download podcasts onto my phone. Free of charge. Whatever you're into from sport or cinema to politics or science - there's a podcast.

When my kids were small we used to play the "1 to 10" game on the walk to playgroup. Adult makes a list like 1 white car, 2 cats, 3 wheely bins, 4 houses with a red door, 5 birds - whatever. The child starts with the first item on the list and can't move on to the next until they've ticked it off. Preschoolers get ridiculously competitive about who can see the most red doors and it keeps them entertained.

It's all about having a bit of nouse and imagination. But I suppose people will come on saying they haven't got a smartphone, or headphones, or paper to make a list, or a pencil, they can't write....

There is going to be a huge MH problem in September for children

A pandemic was always going to cause MH problems, they are living in the world where they have to sanitize hands if they touch certain things and see people covering their faces. When they go back to school if anyone coughs or sneezes as happens anyway in September, there's going to be issues. The mh is from the sum total of all of this, it's not necessarily from being in their house (of course thats some of it)