Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras good luck when you go back to work, hopefully it won’t be as bad as you think it is. I do go to museums, theatres but it is shops that opened first, i’m not into shopping but it’s the act of normality, showing the world isn’t as scary as the media have made out, guess what it’s not and I actually enjoyed it.

You will know how well your children’s mental health is when they have to go back to school, how easy they find leaving the house in September.

Yep. Round here you could take in the scent of marijuana, spot the derelict cars in the front gardens, maybe if you're lucky witness a mugging, go to local park and count the needles discarded near the swings.

Ah, so we live in the same street then?

I can tick the cars, the weed smell and have in the past been stopped by police to ask if I've seen 'a man on an orange motorbike' just next to the scarlet pimpernel growing in the cracks in the curb.

Right round the corner from my house are discarded popper canisters.

I still point out the flowers, the birds and intereting features. It's part of parenting and teaching my children not to wander through life totally ignorant of common British wildlife.

[quote Alex50]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras good luck when you go back to work, hopefully it won’t be as bad as you think it is. I do go to museums, theatres but it is shops that opened first, i’m not into shopping but it’s the act of normality, showing the world isn’t as scary as the media have made out, guess what it’s not and I actually enjoyed it.[/quote]
Great.

I don't like shopping so even if that's the only thing open I won't be going. I'm glad you enjoy it. It's not how I have ever chosen to spend my time and I won't be changing that now.

I'm quite sure work will be as I think it is - a risk to my health.

@Alex50

You will know how well your children’s mental health is when they have to go back to school, how easy they find leaving the house in September.

Me? Nope. No children here. Mine are adults.

And it's not impossible. It's totally possible. I just don't want to. Whether you can understand that we've been happier not going out or not is your issue. I can fully understand that some people have liked being able to get back to "normal" but we've enjoyed making new normal.

I haven't commented on the risks you are placing yourself and your family under or potential long term problems you may cause. Not because there aren't any but because I believe you've made your decisions about which risks you find acceptable based on your family as you know them. But putting your preferences and risk assessments on others under the guise of saving children you don't know from "damage" is wrong. Just because you have a different view point doesn't make yours right and mine wrong. Both can be valid, they aren't absolutes and what suits one family may not suit another.

I'm going to make choices for my family based on what I feel is in their best interest, based on knowing them, our lives pre covid, our local area and our lives now.

We aren't refusing to go out, turning down invitations and withdrawing from activities we want to do out of fear (activities we want to do aren't currently available), we're just enjoying life at home.

@PotholeParadise

Yep. Round here you could take in the scent of marijuana, spot the derelict cars in the front gardens, maybe if you're lucky witness a mugging, go to local park and count the needles discarded near the swings.

Ah, so we live in the same street then?

I can tick the cars, the weed smell and have in the past been stopped by police to ask if I've seen 'a man on an orange motorbike' just next to the scarlet pimpernel growing in the cracks in the curb.

Right round the corner from my house are discarded popper canisters.

I still point out the flowers, the birds and intereting features. It's part of parenting and teaching my children not to wander through life totally ignorant of common British wildlife.

That's great.

We have sparrows and pigeons here and the only flowers in our street are some artificial hanging baskets a neighbour has - that is deadly serious. All the gardens are concreted over.

@Standardy

I don’t see the need/point in, nor intend going out, unless I really have to going forward - to me it’s not worth the risk of possibly catching the virus.

That's all about you, what about your children?

They’re babies, they don’t have friends to miss and they get their needs met in the home.

We have had to shield but we have started going out and about now. The thing that made me feel OK about it was the latest PHE maps which show cases in your postcode, there are 0 cases for miles around. And even the Zoe app has cases below 0.5%.

I know people can be infected and asymptomatic, but if the virus were circulating in the community then you would start to see some known and symptomatic cases crop up.

I think get out while you can, the risk of infection outdoors is very very low, and we may well get a second wave over winter - so make the most of it!

And house sparrows and pigeons (descended from rock doves and very variable in coloration), aren't worth anything? I'd also look for starlings where you have house sparrows and pigeons.

Every species I have listed is something very common. I have taken care not to list anything I would never find in anywhere very urbanised.

Have you literally scoured every square centimetre of pavement with weedkiller within a walk's radius of your house? If you haven't and the council haven't, things grow in the cracks. Personally, I find places where people leave derelict cars on their driveways have the most so-called weeds growing. It takes effort to suppress weeds!

@PotholeParadise

And house sparrows and pigeons (descended from rock doves and very variable in coloration), aren't worth anything? I'd also look for starlings where you have house sparrows and pigeons.

Every species I have listed is something very common. I have taken care not to list anything I would never find in anywhere very urbanised.

Have you literally scoured every square centimetre of pavement with weedkiller within a walk's radius of your house? If you haven't and the council haven't, things grow in the cracks. Personally, I find places where people leave derelict cars on their driveways have the most so-called weeds growing. It takes effort to suppress weeds!

Oh my word. I literally have zero interest in scouring the roads looking at weeds. That's brilliant if it interests you and your children. I'm glad that you enjoy doing that. Sorry, it's not for me. I'm not walking around pavements playing dodge the dog poo so that I can spot weeds growing in a wrecked car. But I hope you and your kids have fun doing that

They’re babies, they don’t have friends to miss and they get their needs met in the home.

You say you went to get shoes fitted so one must at least be toddling about, that's sad if you don't see the value of them being outside with a change of scenery, or of the social benefits. But each to their own, DS used to be really excited looking at all of the trees and collecting sticks when be was a 'baby', most are pretty impressed by little things. You do you though, just glad I'm not one of these children not being allowed in the outside world.

Here we go again with the HearHooves show. And I am going to “call you out” (although I really dislike the term) on the driving, because you repeatedly said on another thread you dominated that you had to take the bus to work, and now it turns out that you have a car and indeed say you drive to work.

If you have a car you can leave the area you claim is so unrelentingly awful (guess what - I don’t believe you. I have lived all over London and NOWHERE has nothing of interest or no green whatsoever) and visit somewhere more appealing. However, you seem to seek out misery and clearly you could live in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon crossed with the Garden of Eden and you’d only see only poison ivy and snakes.

What is with the obsession with walks on here, I’m not staying in all the time anymore but when I was I didn’t take my children for walks as quite frankly my daughter (autism) hated it and would scream her head of the entire time making it hard to take her out and unpleasant for my other children. We live in a housing estate in London and no pretty parks or lakes within walking distance so we was basically walking the streets and none of us enjoyed it so stopped going for walks, not all children enjoy walks

guess what - I don’t believe you. I have lived all over London and NOWHERE has nothing of interest or no green whatsoever

The story changes all the time @IrmaFayLear, on this thread she can see green space from her house and, in fact, lives right opposite a public playing field.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras what do you like doing, before lockdown?

You do you though, just glad I'm not one of these children not being allowed in the outside world. why did you feel this was a good thing to express?

I'm signing off now to get on with RL, but just to add that I too have been disgusted by the bullying of @maxdash, who has been extraordinarily patient and calm in response to a barrage of abuse, and @Hearhoovesthinkzebras, who has clearly put up with it on a succession of threads. Hats off to you two, and to all (the few) on the thread who have managed to maintain a balanced perspective.

Like @AnneOfQueenSables, I've become very weary of the aggressively polarised nature of debate that has gradually infiltrated MN over the last couple of years, and this thread has been the last straw. I realise in one sense that it's just a reflection of the gradual polarisation of British society, but I hope everyone who's indulging themselves in it is aware of and comfortable with the fact that this is exactly what Cummings and Gove want and expect of you.

I guess we are all moving at different speeds out of lockdown, and some people feel more comfortable than others. We will all get there in the end!

I'm glad you feel better about your friend, OP - fwiw, I think this is the most reasonable thing you've said so far.

Good luck to all, whether you are at home or out and about.

Oh my word. I literally have zero interest in scouring the roads looking at weeds. That's brilliant if it interests you and your children. I'm glad that you enjoy doing that. Sorry, it's not for me. I'm not walking around pavements playing dodge the dog poo so that I can spot weeds growing in a wrecked car. But I hope you and your kids have fun doing that

Well, of course you don't. As you keep pointing out, your children are adults.

But we are talking about the benefits of getting outside the house and what there could be to see for children. Did you forget that?

IrmaFayLear

I did not say I take the bus just to go to work. I said I have to take the bus (and train) for things, including hospital appointments ( which prompted a poster to tell me I should be insisting on hospital transport, so most definitely I never said the bus was just for work).

I've explained why I can't drive to go for exercise - I have to take pregabalin and opiates so I won't drive having taken them.

I honestly don't care whether you believe me or not. And why do you keep complaining about me "me railing" but then, alongside other posters, decide to question and berate me about all aspects of my life, and posts on other threads, and then complain when I reply?

How does my life impact on you in any way, shape or form? Whether I go out or don't go out has zero impact on your life.

There's a difference between being aggressive and judgey, and being concerned. It's fairly easy to spot.

@Alsohuman

guess what - I don’t believe you. I have lived all over London and NOWHERE has nothing of interest or no green whatsoever

The story changes all the time @IrmaFayLear, on this thread she can see green space from her house and, in fact, lives right opposite a public playing field.

Yes, because I do. I also am to remain two metres away from people, which I can't do there. Again, it affects you how exactly, whether I go out or don't?

Maybe the friend is worried about getting ill/dying from COVID herself...if she has no family close by then who would look after her children?
My mum had the same though about my brother and his wife...they are only in the next town, but if they were too ill to look after their child then who would? The rest of the family are vulnerable or high risk.

I have friends who I won't be seeing for the foreseeable future because they and their children are out and about as normal, but myself, my husband and our children are all either high risk or vulnerable and I don't want to put my family at greater risk just for a chat.

We haven't been out apart from a very local excluded dog walk where we see no-one. My kids are teenagers so slightly different but are speaking to friends online, they have done school/college work online, plus a local art class and Scouting events. They are in no way socially isolated or showing any signs of poor mental health.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I wish you all the best, I just find it sad you don’t seem to get joy out of anything. I think we all have to accept we will all come out of lockdown at a different levels, it’s sad that some people are going to be left far behind, while the rest of us are getting on with our lives.

[quote Alex50]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I wish you all the best, I just find it sad you don’t seem to get joy out of anything. I think we all have to accept we will all come out of lockdown at a different levels, it’s sad that some people are going to be left far behind, while the rest of us are getting on with our lives.[/quote]
Is it really any surprise that I don't enjoy life much? I am in constant pain, my mobility is limited, I dislocated my shoulder last night rolling over in bed (a frequent occurrence) I have a seriously restricted diet thanks to Crohn's and fear leaving the house in case there's not a toilet close by.

Then I come on here to face constant criticism, not picking, piss taking and people who seem to think it's funny to laugh at other people's problems caused by disability.

So yeah, I don't enjoy life much because there's not much enjoyment to be had. But no doubt some of you will just use this to have another go about how I should be driving out to some remote spot (with no toilet) or walk the streets looking at weeds.