Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

No one will ever convince me that keeping your kids in the house for months is healthy or good for them. It’s cruel and selfish. And as for attractions being booked up...then book them when there is availability.

Also @Nicknacky, if your kids have barely been out, they don't need "attractions". They'd be just as giddy with a trip to a playpark, or a park other than their local one. You don't need to book a day out at a beach or countryside either.

[quote Coronabegone]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras you can drive???? I'm sure when I suggested that you drove somewhere quieter for your walk because the area around you was so busy from 6am to 6pm, that you could t drive..... how strange! [/quote]
I don't remember the post but I don't drive after I've taken some of my medication - pregabalin or tramadol. I don't take it before work but I do have to take it to exercise. So, it's not strange at all. For me to drive somewhere to exercise it's a good thirty to forty minutes - I couldn't do that drive without pain medication and certainly couldn't drive, exercise and then drive home without pain killers. No doubt you'll dispute that too though and then accuse me of me railing because I've dated to answer your question. 🤷

Sockyarn That’s very true. But max will have a reason as to why that’s impossible. Her family can’t leave the house without her five year old not being able to put his shoes on or her husband needing the loo.

And as for attractions being booked up...then book them when there is availability.

And if there are none near you or they are too expensive? Playgrounds in Tower Hamlets aren't open yet. Where do you expect parents to be going if they live in places where nothing is open? You seriously think people should be taking little children round the streets? How is that pleasurable for anyone?

I'm not worried about dying from it, so not being "deadly" to me isn't a concern. It's the not knowing if my lungs and general health would be ruined. Which is happening to a number of people.

Yes, that's happened to me. I hate the way people go on about the fact that the death rate is very low and that it's only the elderly and those with underlying health issues who have to worry. It isn't just about dying!

Also, 'underlying health issues' doesn't equal 'at death's door'. My DH has asthma so is vulnerable, but he hasn't had a day off sick in over 5 years and is only 55.

That's not to say that you shouldn't be concerned for your friend and her DC. As a family, we do go outside, and I've been out and about as much as I can since I finally had a negative test result in late May. I'm worried about DD2 (8) who has become anxious about going outdoors because of how ill I've been and her own experience - minor, only for 4 days, but a very nasty 4 days for her.

WhatamessIgotinto I guess it depends what you consider a town Vs village - our 'centre' is a few independent cafes and shops, an Aldi, couple of charity shops and estate agents and a smattering of hairdressers/ beauty salons. Maybe 20 shops total plus a bank and post office. There's no chain shops or shopping centre, no McDonald's. Which is why I don't really consider it a town. We don't have a leisure centre or soft play. You need to go to "town" or near town to get those things. It's hard to describe without outing where it is, but it's spread out rather than populous, but spread out in an estate way, rather than a countryside way, so not rows and rows of terraces but not green spaces either, just fairly good sized plots with houses on, a couple of primary schools, 2 secondary schools and a cricket club. As I said above there's a park but it's just the play area and war memorial, no field.

I am seriously uncomfortable with the ganging up on max that is going on. This is just spiteful playground bullying now.

Some people I'm not surprised at but I've always respected "Nickynacky" and what she's had to say. This thread is really not nice.

hear Does everyone live in Tower Hamlets? And if the poster couldn’t afford to go then she would have mentioned that.

What’s wrong with taking kids out a walk? We don’t all live in ghettos.

Yes! and you can see it on this thread too, people talking about the crowds and the throngs and people packing into places with no social distancing, but all of it's "I read that..." or "someone told me that..." or "I saw these pictures on the news and..."

Exactly. Someone mentioned the crowds in Ikea, well, that isn't the case now. When non essential shops reopened, yes, there were queues, because so many people wanted to get back to normal, so all went the day they opened, but there are few queues now. My local Sainsbury has even stopped having staff on the door, we just walked in the other day.
I was listening to a reporter on the radio yesterday, who was walking down Regent Street, and he said it was empty. He went into Hamley's and there were no customers, and it was the same in the other shops that were open.

The only way you can know if there are crowds and queues everywhere, is by actually going out. The streets are still quiet, and if there are other people walking, the majority of them keep to SD when passing.

Well it must be a relief that you won't have to catch the bus to work.

And where some of you live just sounds depressing. I live in one of the most deprived areas of the country and even we have plenty of green areas and more than just rows of dirty houses.

hear Yep, I’m a disgrace because I worry about the impact parents have on their children's mental health. That’s outrageous of me.

Maybe with an ill husband to care for, she is scared. I've got a dh with ptsd and 5 dc, 4 with sn. I am scared of getting covid and being ill for a long time. We can afford for me to be ill for a couple of days but anything more we would be really stuck. We are going out but only for essential things like supermarket/hospital appointments/youngest 2 dc going to school. We aren't going anywhere fun.

@Nicknacky

hear Does everyone live in Tower Hamlets? And if the poster couldn’t afford to go then she would have mentioned that.

What’s wrong with taking kids out a walk? We don’t all live in ghettos.

Because posters are taking their ovation and then assuming everyone lives somewhere similar and criticising people from doing different to them.

Of course not everyone lives in a ghetto and they are very lucky. But equally not everyone lives in a leafy suburb or country idyll. Many people do live in inner city areas with poor leisure facilities, at the best of times, made even worse by Covid. Criticising and bullying people who might well be living in difficult surroundings is really not nice.

@Nicknacky

hear Yep, I’m a disgrace because I worry about the impact parents have on their children's mental health. That’s outrageous of me.

I think you can be concerned without haranguing an individual poster and her choices.

Plenty of benefit to taking kids out around the streets for a walk. Flowers (I have pointed out daisies, dandelions, yarrow, scarlet pimperel), bird (magpies, pied wagtails, male and female blackbirds), interesting features in people's gardens (Guardians of the Galaxy themed gardwn ornaments), rainbows on other people's windows put there for children to spot!

hear It’s hardly bullying to be commenting on another posters posts. Don’t try and throw the “bully” word around.

@PotholeParadise

Plenty of benefit to taking kids out around the streets for a walk. Flowers (I have pointed out daisies, dandelions, yarrow, scarlet pimperel), bird (magpies, pied wagtails, male and female blackbirds), interesting features in people's gardens (Guardians of the Galaxy themed gardwn ornaments), rainbows on other people's windows put there for children to spot!

Yep. Round here you could take in the scent of marijuana, spot the derelict cars in the front gardens, maybe if you're lucky witness a mugging, go to local park and count the needles discarded near the swings.

@maxdash sorry if you've already said, but do you drive? Is there anywhere you could get to easily that you would feel comfortable in? I get how difficult it is, it's easy for people to say 'I do this so you should' and I don't want to sound like that at all. DD and I have both been shielding but we've been it for walks every day because it's easy for us to do so. Our village is tiny and very rural so we can walk for an hour and not see a soul. I do understand it's not the same for everyone.

Ah merailier extrodinare chucking bullying accusations Around
Oh the irony
That'll be another thread hidden

Some people are incredibly judgemental about this. It is up to each individual to decide what risk they do and don't want to take within the guidelines at the moment. If she doesn't want to risk catching it that is up to her. You don't know that it is going to destroy the children's mental health. They may be totally happy with the situation which is actually no different from that of children of shielding parents with children were shielding themselves.
I haven't been to any shops since March or anywhere else indoors and have no intention of doing so in the near future. I also haven't met up with any friends or extended family .My children haven't been anywhere indoors either .Everyone else can try it out if they want and we'll see what happens regarding rises in cases.

@Nicknacky

hear It’s hardly bullying to be commenting on another posters posts. Don’t try and throw the “bully” word around.

Posters have been laying into max and her choices. They are happy and content with what they are doing right now. Constantly picking apart and criticising her choices is coming across as bullying.

I think you can be concerned without haranguing an individual poster and her choices

Agreed. It's not necessary.

Exactly. Someone mentioned the crowds in Ikea, well, that isn't the case now.

I agree. But if you were watching the news reports and saw hundreds of people queuing outside Ikea, that image sticks. Ikea is crowded. Nobody is socially distancing. It is dangerous. I am not leaving my house.

The camera crews are not going to be back on your average Wednesday morning at Ikea as there is nothing to report on.

@mrpumblechook

Some people are incredibly judgemental about this. It is up to each individual to decide what risk they do and don't want to take within the guidelines at the moment. If she doesn't want to risk catching it that is up to her. You don't know that it is going to destroy the children's mental health. They may be totally happy with the situation which is actually no different from that of children of shielding parents with children were shielding themselves. I haven't been to any shops since March or anywhere else indoors and have no intention of doing so in the near future. I also haven't met up with any friends or extended family .My children haven't been anywhere indoors either .Everyone else can try it out if they want and we'll see what happens regarding rises in cases.

Well said.