Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

@madbirdlady22 I suggest kindly, that you stop 'reflecting on your thread'.

Quietly phone the friend who lives an hour and a half away, that you see twice a year, that you are so chilling worried about, and keep that conversation to yourself. Not on an internet forum.

I imagine wassap when you are so far away and when you only meet up twice a year, does not properly convey the day to day of her life.

Unless you call the police of her DC's school of course. Then you will have to tell real life people about your concerns about her mental health and her parenting and her possible abusive DH.

Then go and do something with your DC's and have a nice weekend.

A good friend indeed...

Re: Children at lower risk ... yes statistically they seem to be at lower risk of severe symptoms and hospitalisation, thankfully. However there is no evidence once infected they won’t transmit it to others in the household. And no guarantee that neither OP or DH will have mild cases, even if relatively young, maybe they are concerned about how they will look after children if they are both ill at same time or one of them ends up in hospital?

As long as cases continue to fall, schools have appropriate safety procedures in place, I would expect the children to go back to school in Sept though. But that’s 6 weeks away, a lot can happen in 6 weeks so she may feel more comfortable by then, especially if the reduced SD and reopenings do not increase daily covid case rate or death rates.

madbirdlady22 considering how you blame teachers, and ways you've described your friend on this thread I don't get the impression I'd value your views about f I knew you personally.

YouSetTheTone the pictures are ve seen and the descriptions from friends suggests there's no 'policing'/ organisation of our local outdoor spaces and they are heaving. Some people have gone and turned straight back home etc.

There's 7 weeks until my kids are back in school. That's a long time. Hopefully in that time we'll be able to see one set of grandparents. The kids will go to the uniform shop and shoe shop (appointments already booked) and they'll see the cleaner. At the very least. We may well go on a trip out, there's just no incentive to go right now but as more and more things open up hopefully queues and tickets will call down.

Normally we'd have a week camping in August but lots of sites aren't reopening for tents or their facilities are shut so I don't think that will be possible, but I have looked so it isn't as if they be said "we will not leave the house until school starts".

sock Yes that is what I am thinking too, the longer it goes on for the harder it gets to return to normality. September return to school is going to be quite daunting to most children, but for some it is going to be extremely hard. I wonder what provisions will be put in place? Our school are organising a welcome day, and so are reopening a day early.

billie I am sorry my post seems to hit a nerve. I hope you are feeling okay. It is 08.53 on a Saturday morning, I am hardly going to call her now!!

We are also in an area at risk of local lockdown due to our infection rate, though admittedly our tiny village is very low risk.

The same parents/guardians who are choosing not to send their children in now or sept still wouldn’t have sent them in had they all reopened June

Do you also blame the oncologists who’ve stopped seeing their cancer patients? No, because it wasn’t their decision to stop it was the governments, as is, with the schools.

max Why not take a walk and see what is different in your village or nearest town, you might be surprised at the changes, I know I was.

over We have such a thing as a school non attendance offence. If all children were told to go in as normal in the summer, parents would not have the option to keep them at home for no reason (ie not shielding or family member shielding) six months out of school and away from normal life is too long!

@maxdash earlier on in this thread you said you lived in a built up area and it isn’t much of a walk for the DC just to see rows and rows of houses. Doesn’t sound like a tiny village to me.

I don't see where OP blamed individual teachers (who have hardly any sway), and it's right. Missing so much school for some children is catastrophic.

I am definitely NOT blaming teachers at all, it was not their choice whether to open schools or not. I am blaming government policy and the unions though. This is not another schools thread, I am simply pointing out that the catastrophic failure to reopen schools has made this situation even worse.

And the children we are considering on this thread are children from loving homes it seems to me, and are being cared for, even if they aren't going outside - we can't even see the invisible children that have disappeared entirely and are definitely not from loving homes. What has happened to them?

ineedaholidaynow we live on an estate (mix Victorian and post war houses) in a small town/ village- own high street etc which is part of a larger borough. Our house is well in to the estate, around 25/30 minutes to the 'village' centre. The local borough council area has a high infection rate, but our particular 'village' (guess you could also say suburb?) doesn't particularly. The other side of the village/ centre is more rural but it's about an hour walk from our house at adult pace.

max why not go to a beauty spot with a picnic, you are not confined to just your area, you could go anywhere.

Have you ever wondered whether it is the particular school environment that causes anxiety in your DC @maxdash?

maxdash The more you post, the worse it sounds. You try make it sound like you never went out much anyway therefore it doesn’t matter.

Your kids need to see more people than the cleaner and you don’t need a big day out. Just open the door and take them a walk to a outdoor cafe or ice cream shop.

Maybe she is suffering some degree of anxiety. I read the other day about a condition called 're-entry anxiety'. Some people can't wait to get out there as they've found lockdown hard, but others, especially those with anxiety have found it reassuring cocooning themselves and have enjoyed a slower pace of life. Some are scared about rejoining the world as it were. I can relate a bit to this myself, the feeling. Although I haven't stayed at home to the extent your friend has.

I have just called her!

And despite very carefully planning what I was going to say as to not offend her, it turns out her mother got there first!
So I didn't actually need to say anything to her in the end, and she has already decided to invite a local school friend over into her garden next week. We just spoke about the logistics around loos and socially distancing. I don't think she is ready to go out just yet, but seems ready to allow someone in, which is definitely a start.

Of course she may be just saying it to keep us all quiet, time will tell, but I really hope I will get a photo next week of the children all playing together with friends. She said her boys were really excited. I am really happy I rang her, so thank you for encouraging me to pick up the phone.

I guess we are all moving at different speeds out of lockdown, and some people feel more comfortable than others. We will all get there in the end!

That's brilliant news madbirdlady22

time.com/5850143/covid-19-re-entry-anxiety/

@maxdash You're getting all your information about the outside world second hand; 'pictures you've seen, stories from friends'.
This happened to me and it wasn't the reality at all.

@madbirdlady22 That's great news. I hope it goes ahead, especially as the children are so excited.

The whole world outside is not really busy near me.

It is a lot busier than it was right at the beginning when I might see less than five people in the distance when I went out for the daily walk, but it is not busy.

People are following social distancing and more and more people are wearing masks.

maxrush I honestly don't understand why you spent time BC (Before Coronavirus) dragging people around on frantic weekend trips that no-one liked, and then went to the other extreme.

Develop some common sense and some moderation.

Sorry maxdash

Great news OP, and that's a really positive step, kudos to your friend, it's not easy overcoming certain anxieties, but doing so for the sake of her children, and herself is great. You do sound like a good friend, I don't agree with some PPs that seen to correlate being concerned with being a bad friend, I feel the opposite, friends will usually agree for an easy life, good friends will be more honest if needed.

We will have to wait and see what happens in September and how many children will still attend school or opt for home schooling. My daughter who is 14 is quite anxious anyway, we have tried to carry on as normal as possible all through lockdown. As soon as the shops were open we went clothes shopping, just to get out and show life is getting back to normal and we will be ok. The school were very good and invited her to have a look round the school to show how the system will work in September.