Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

I also take vit d supplements but who on earth needs to know that. Maybe your friend does too...

@Alsohuman

I can see into the park from my house

Yes, of course you can. Every single inch of it I’m sure.

How bizarre. It's a square playing field. There's nothing obscuring my view of it. Why shouldn't I be able to see it?

But do you not think a change of scenery might be nice @maxdash? Doesn't have to be miles away, you mention visiting NT so assume there are NT properties near you

Oh, @Hearhoovesthinkzebras, have you not been out at all? 😃

If we were shielding and I was chatting to a good friend, I am sure I would mention it in my conversation. Either as a whinge that we can't go anywhere, or complain about the idiots that don't follow the rules or concern about what will happen in the longterm. I wouldn't necessarily go into details about why we were shielding but I can't imagine the actual fact of shielding wouldn't come up in conversation.

We've managed perfectly fine not telling people why we're shielding, and not even that we're shielding at all. No one knows that OH is extremely clinically vulnerable, not even our DS. Neither do his/our family nor friends. It literally never comes up in conversation.

I can only assume that our neighbours, friends and family aren't as nosy and judgemental. We've never been challenged as to why we've barely left the village since February. Nor do we challenge/query others who are doing the same nor some who seem to have carried on as normal.

I have a small business. I've been working as normal but behind closed doors. Normally clients want to come in for meetings, drop off paperwork, etc. I've never actually told them we're shielding and not doing meetings, but not a single one has requested a meeting, and the few who've wanted to drop off paperwork have automatically assumed it's a "put on the ground and stand back" system without me asking them to do.

We've found the vast majority of people are respecting the views/wishes of others and not querying/challenging etc. It's a completely different world out there in real life compared with the social media echo chambers!

IrmaFayLear I have a very rural friend who is shielding because her medication depresses the immune system and she has been doing 5k+ runs every day. She thought the risk to her fitness and future mobility outweighed the risk she would somehow get breathed on by a stranger in the middle of nowhere. It's now July and she's still running, so she's been proven right on that.

Another friend lives in the inner city, so he has been following the guidance to the letter for obvious reasons.

@Melonslicexx

Yes you can get it from the sun. But not everyone has a garden. Still not healthy to never go out for walks pandemic or not.

Shielding is one thing. But even they can go for walks in many cases now. It's so good for them.

As I say mocking my upbringing and taking the pee out of my opinions doesn't help anyone. You choose not to walk and stuff and stay in your garden. I choose to walk. But children deserve and need a walk in most cases. It's important. They have already stopped doing so much. Walking is a great place to start if people can't face public places and days out. .

Maybe read up on the benefits of kids being outside rather than laughing at it. There's plenty of information out there about it.

I'll repeat again unless people are shielding and really unwell.

Many parents including me in places are anxious. It's a common side affect if this pandemic. Perhaps someone who's scared to leave the house would find a walk in the woods easier if it's an option. It's peaceful. It's relaxing. It's quiet. If they have children the kids can have some fun collecting stuff and exploring. You can mock that suggestion if you like. But it helped me. So maybe it could help someone else.

This family have a garden, op says so.

There are multiple ways to raise children, not only your way.

You raise your family your way and let others raise theirs their way.

You are upset at your way being judged yet are happy to judge others.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

Do people not realise that shielding restrictions are still in place? There are thousands of people, including children, still not meant to be mixing, going out to pubs, restaurants or shops, not having play dates etc.

Who says this family aren't shielding?

Funnily enough no one has given a shiny shite about how the shielding have been coping, whether we've been lonely, lacking in vitamin D, getting exercise throughout lockdown. Suddenly now it's top of your concerns when it's a means to bully others for not doing what you are all doing.

This. Couldn’t agree more

We've not really left home either.

Exercise in the lounge, get sun in the garden etc.

I'm an extreme introvert so lockdown for the most part has been very easy for me. We all have asthma although not the shielding kind and just didnt feel ready do go out yet.

We've got a week of annual leave coming up and we plan on getting out then to some more isolated spots etc.

Dh isnt an introvert but is really anxious about bringing the virus back into our home so has been happy to stay home. He is now itching to get out and has been doing walks late when things are quiet in the last few days.

It's all a personal decision, I have friends inviting me to loads of stuff within the rules which I appreciate but they've been great about accepting that we just didnt feel safe yet. They've done their plans and we've left it that we'll plan something when we're ready.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

No no no no.

That's not what I said. Shielding people sadly can't help that they have been limited.

Healthy kids staying in for months. With abit of garden space is not enough. They need to keep functioning with excercise and stuff.

Even I am sluggish and stuff and I have walked. It's been a huge shock to people's systems. We've had all routine taken away. It's ended up with people feeling lost and stuck and worried. Quite understandable.

I was suggesting that children need to get out. I'f people can't face public places then the best option out there is nature. Outdoor spaces. Because it is so good for people. It really is. The air is cleaner. It's exposing kids to different pollens and things. It also means kids get their hands mucky. It also means it burns of their energy. Which in turn helps their immune systems and bodies remain strong. Imagine if they did come into contact with viruses. They will fight it better if they are strong.

You have taken offence. Took the pee out of me because I said how strong my immune system was as a kid. My sister's kids now live on a farm. They literally never get sick.

Obviously we don't all have access to a farm. But we often have access to grass and things.

You've responded to that by saying I will lick a tree. Which really annoys me because you are trying to turn this into a class thing. It's not about a person's "class" or "lifestyle" it's something that is free. The outdoors is free for everyone. It's not something to mock. Ofcourse not everyone lives near the countryside. But everyone lives near something. If you live in a town there's parks and rivers. If you live in a city there's usually large parks. If you live in a village there are many options for walks. People even live near the beach. So why the rudeness I dont know.

About three people jumped on me for suggesting the outdoors was healthy. It's a shame people have attitudes about these things as kids need to spend less time on screens and more time being kids! Pandemic or not. Mine included at times!

"No need to laugh because you don't like that sort of thing. Many people enjoy woodland walks and things. Your attitude is immature. It's about health. If you'd rather stay home suit yourself."

Eh? She's shielding 🤦🏽‍♀️ for "health" reasons!

I wouldn't be surprised at the number of vitamin D deficient people in the UK. Why do you assume that? Need to get down off your high horse and stop being so judgemental!

This is an attack on anyone who hasn't gone outside for four months and isn't now running out to the pub, restaurant, meeting friends or having playdates. You are all saying that we will now be unfit, over weight, vitamin D deficient, have anxiety disorders and allergies.

You have no idea whether this family is shielding yet people are telling the op to turn up on her doorstep with tickets for an attraction or hijack her for a get together. That's a gross invasion in my view. I am under no obligation to tell people that I know that I'm shielding. Maybe they are looking at me and thinking exactly what you are all saying. So, yes, it does feel like we are being judged by all of you.

Report it as a personal attack then.

"Because it is so good for people. It really is. The air is cleaner. It's exposing kids to different pollens and things. It also means kids get their hands mucky. It also means it burns of their energy. Which in turn helps their immune systems and bodies remain strong."

It's this preachy "I must teach people because I'm so much more aware than them" attitude that got my back up. My kids don't live on a farm and never get sick either. You know lots of kids don't get sick?

But do you not think a change of scenery might be nice

yes, at some point but right now I don't feel strongly enough about it to wait up until midnight to get some tickets (local FB rants about it). From others I've heard that the places we would usually go are absolutely rammed with people. much more so that usual and therefore less enjoyable. I'll happily wait until it's all died down a bit and we can properly enjoy ourselves.

[quote Melonslicexx]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

No no no no.

That's not what I said. Shielding people sadly can't help that they have been limited.

Healthy kids staying in for months. With abit of garden space is not enough. They need to keep functioning with excercise and stuff.

Even I am sluggish and stuff and I have walked. It's been a huge shock to people's systems. We've had all routine taken away. It's ended up with people feeling lost and stuck and worried. Quite understandable.

I was suggesting that children need to get out. I'f people can't face public places then the best option out there is nature. Outdoor spaces. Because it is so good for people. It really is. The air is cleaner. It's exposing kids to different pollens and things. It also means kids get their hands mucky. It also means it burns of their energy. Which in turn helps their immune systems and bodies remain strong. Imagine if they did come into contact with viruses. They will fight it better if they are strong.

You have taken offence. Took the pee out of me because I said how strong my immune system was as a kid. My sister's kids now live on a farm. They literally never get sick.

Obviously we don't all have access to a farm. But we often have access to grass and things.

You've responded to that by saying I will lick a tree. Which really annoys me because you are trying to turn this into a class thing. It's not about a person's "class" or "lifestyle" it's something that is free. The outdoors is free for everyone. It's not something to mock. Ofcourse not everyone lives near the countryside. But everyone lives near something. If you live in a town there's parks and rivers. If you live in a city there's usually large parks. If you live in a village there are many options for walks. People even live near the beach. So why the rudeness I dont know.

About three people jumped on me for suggesting the outdoors was healthy. It's a shame people have attitudes about these things as kids need to spend less time on screens and more time being kids! Pandemic or not. Mine included at times![/quote]
You have criticised people for not doing what you have decided is the right thing.

You are saying that your judgements don't extend to those shielding - how do you know the family in the op aren't shielding? They certainly seem to be doing everything that the shielded have been asked to do. I'd say there's a good chance they are shielding.

Only my family and one friend knows I'm shielding. Why should I have to divulge my personal information to all of my friends for fear they might turn up and hijack me or report my husband to the police in case he's holding me hostage?

Whatever. You are being ridiculous. It's a suggestion. Some people might want to do it.

I don't know better than anyone at all. It's just basics. But you clearly know alot more about it than me. If you can get offended by suggesting that what I've said is great for a person's health then that's your issue. But your right. No need to think about health. Even though you are shielding for your own health reasons. Might aswel not acknowledge people need different things to you.

You both are very aggressive about it.

Again do your research on vitamin D. It was just a point about what's going to happen to everyone who's not going out for months. It will cause seperate issues. But I apologize that I've offended you with my opinions. Not intended to offend anyone.

Lend her a dog.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

Nope your childish comments about licking trees is why I responded to you actually. You was rude to me to start a pathetic debate. I'm not forcing you to go walk in the woods am I lol.

@youhave4substitutes

"Because it is so good for people. It really is. The air is cleaner. It's exposing kids to different pollens and things. It also means kids get their hands mucky. It also means it burns of their energy. Which in turn helps their immune systems and bodies remain strong."

It's this preachy "I must teach people because I'm so much more aware than them" attitude that got my back up. My kids don't live on a farm and never get sick either. You know lots of kids don't get sick?

Exactly that. It's the judgy "this is how you must raise children and anything less than that is neglect" that is just wrong.

This poor family is being torn apart when no one knows what their circumstances are.

Again do your research on vitamin D.

I agree with you that vitamin d i important. Interestingly from what I have researched on the subject, scientists are finding increasing evidence that the process of converting sunlight to vitamin D in your skin has some benefits they hadn't realised and therefore supplementation alone will not solve the symptoms of deficiency alone. I'm not disagreeing with you, I just thought is was a really interesting point!

What an earth. It's not a must raise your kids.

Newsflash most parents take the kids out somewhere outside!!

@Melonslicexx

Whatever. You are being ridiculous. It's a suggestion. Some people might want to do it.

I don't know better than anyone at all. It's just basics. But you clearly know alot more about it than me. If you can get offended by suggesting that what I've said is great for a person's health then that's your issue. But your right. No need to think about health. Even though you are shielding for your own health reasons. Might aswel not acknowledge people need different things to you.

You both are very aggressive about it.

Again do your research on vitamin D. It was just a point about what's going to happen to everyone who's not going out for months. It will cause seperate issues. But I apologize that I've offended you with my opinions. Not intended to offend anyone.

What research do we need to do on vitamin D?

I agree it's very important which is why I take daily supplements of it. It's also why I'm going out in the garden as much as I can.

But this family are in their garden. So vitamin D is irrelevant. They don't have to be going to the park or to the woods to get vit D. They need to be outside, which they are.

@maxdash yes I've read that too and also that research is suggesting it may prevent and help coronavirus but it's not proven. Even the NHS website acknowledges it now

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

It was one factor that I mentioned. As a whole. Staying home limits exposure to allsorts that keep your immune system strong. We are in a pandemic so perhaps don't mock suggestions to improve your overall health.

Yep. It doesn't take a genius to work out that there is a health concern for one of the people in the family and the OP isn't privy to it.

It must be tedious to have a friend constantly nagging you to meet up when in fact it's pretty clear they're probably shielding.