Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

@Melonslicexx

I'm confused.

I've not said don't eat or sleep?

I've said walking is great and getting outdoors is good. Not sure why I've offended people.

Also I've said unless you have reasons and cant go out.

Fit and healthy kids are safe to walk is what I'm saying. Im saying people who feel afraid and anxious would benefit from going outdoors.

But feel free to take the Mick?

Not sure what's wrong with Mumsnet today. Alot of nasty comments and nasty responses.

Because this family are being judged when none of us know why they're doing what they are doing.

They may have very real reasons for shielding that they want to keep to themselves. Yet op has seen fit to broadcast it on here. Imagine if the mum is on MN? I'd feel utterly betrayed if I was her.

If we were shielding and I was chatting to a good friend, I am sure I would mention it in my conversation. Either as a whinge that we can't go anywhere, or complain about the idiots that don't follow the rules or concern about what will happen in the longterm. I wouldn't necessarily go into details about why we were shielding but I can't imagine the actual fact of shielding wouldn't come up in conversation.

You'd be surprised how many people in the UK lack in vitamin d. A huge amount.

It leads to loads of health issues and also makes me feel exhausted and low moods.

Drs recommend taking it in the winter.

It's also highly recommend to give you children it too.

It's also been a crappy summer with lots of rain.

But you take the Mick. If you think people won't be lacking in vitamin d from the lockdown you are ignorant.

I'm shocked at the childish comments on here. Health is important. Not something to laugh at. Especially when it's to do with young kids being kept home with no excercise for 6 months or more.

[quote Melonslicexx]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

I don't understand you taking the pee out of me. I didn't say lick a tree did I? Did I say eat dirt?

I said get out and let the kids get mucky on a walk or at least run about and burn energy off. No need to laugh because you don't like that sort of thing. Many people enjoy woodland walks and things. Your attitude is immature. It's about health. If you'd rather stay home suit yourself. But plenty like to expose their children to the outdoors.[/quote]
Because you are being completely judgemental.

You've decided the only way to be fit and healthy is to do what you say.

There are thousands of families right now shielding. We can't do any of the things you are decreeing are necessary. It's nice to feel so judged.

Certainly can't go to the local park and do that

How do you know if you never leave the house?

@ineedaholidaynow

If we were shielding and I was chatting to a good friend, I am sure I would mention it in my conversation. Either as a whinge that we can't go anywhere, or complain about the idiots that don't follow the rules or concern about what will happen in the longterm. I wouldn't necessarily go into details about why we were shielding but I can't imagine the actual fact of shielding wouldn't come up in conversation.

But how do you say you're shielding without divulging that one of you has an illness that warrants shielding?

As another poster said, her dh has cancer and no one knows. Why should he have to tell people about his medical history? It's literally nothing to do with anyone else.

@Alsohuman

Certainly can't go to the local park and do that

How do you know if you never leave the house?

I can see into the park from my house.

Your comment was mocking me @Hearhoovesthinkzebras not the op. You said you'd go lick dirt and collect sticks or something if your lack of vitamin d would let you.

Very immature when it's actually fact what I'm saying. Any Dr would tell you the same. The benefits on being healthy and being outside. I can't believe it's something you laugh at. There's literally no need when I'm giving an opinion like everyone else. It's a positive one. People's moods improve by walking too. But go ahead and sneer at it. Even though there's a huge mental health crises on top of all this. It's just bullying.

S

@Melonslicexx

You'd be surprised how many people in the UK lack in vitamin d. A huge amount.

It leads to loads of health issues and also makes me feel exhausted and low moods.

Drs recommend taking it in the winter.

It's also highly recommend to give you children it too.

It's also been a crappy summer with lots of rain.

But you take the Mick. If you think people won't be lacking in vitamin d from the lockdown you are ignorant.

I'm shocked at the childish comments on here. Health is important. Not something to laugh at. Especially when it's to do with young kids being kept home with no excercise for 6 months or more.

You can take supplements, which I do.

You also make vitamin D from exposure to the sun. Being in the garden is just the same as going for a walk. As long as they are outdoors is doesn't matter where outdoors does it? An hour in the garden would be just the same as an hour at the park re vit D, maybe better if the wore less clothes in the garden.

I think it's completely shocking to think of children not setting foot outside of their house for six months or potentially longer. It is damaging...it's hideous.

You should mind your own business.

My friend has done similar only as a single parent. I’m so worried about her son. He’s 11 and hasn’t left the house since March, and the garden is unusable due to neglect. I’ve tried to gently coax her out for a very distanced walk in a park around the corner from her but she won’t even entertain the idea. She believes it will be carried on the air and she will catch it and die. I honestly don’t know what to do.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras It's not judgement. Walking is good for your health. Nobody is judging this family for not doing it, there is genuine concern that a government campaign to stay at home got out of hand for a possibly perfectly healthy family and has affected their mental wellbeing. That may not be the case. But if it is the case, it warrants some friendly conversations don't you think?

No-one desires to judge people who are shielding on medical advice, HearHooves.

The assumption is that medical staff only advise to shield when the risks of coronavirus outweigh the risks that come with shielding.

Frankly, I think it's in poor taste for you to try and turn this thread into a personal attack on you.

There are a wide array of situations in the world, and some of them have nothing in common with your own.

Yes you can get it from the sun. But not everyone has a garden. Still not healthy to never go out for walks pandemic or not.

Shielding is one thing. But even they can go for walks in many cases now. It's so good for them.

As I say mocking my upbringing and taking the pee out of my opinions doesn't help anyone. You choose not to walk and stuff and stay in your garden. I choose to walk. But children deserve and need a walk in most cases. It's important. They have already stopped doing so much. Walking is a great place to start if people can't face public places and days out. .

Maybe read up on the benefits of kids being outside rather than laughing at it. There's plenty of information out there about it.

I'll repeat again unless people are shielding and really unwell.

Many parents including me in places are anxious. It's a common side affect if this pandemic. Perhaps someone who's scared to leave the house would find a walk in the woods easier if it's an option. It's peaceful. It's relaxing. It's quiet. If they have children the kids can have some fun collecting stuff and exploring. You can mock that suggestion if you like. But it helped me. So maybe it could help someone else.

Straycatstrut

I do think it depends on the garden. Our options are our lovely large garden, walking streets full of houses or the local park, which is just a play area in the middle of houses and so until recently has I assume has been closed off. To walk anywhere nice, or green, we have to drive, which initially in lockdown you couldn't do. Our garden is better than the alternative, but appreciate not everyone is in the same position.

Please watch out for the HearHooves person. They invade threads and go on relentlessly about shielding. They are a Shielding Gold Medallist.

Many, many of us have pointed out that we are shielding too and are going out for walks - or even going to thrilling hospital appointments !

I am quite happy at home myself but I don’t think it’s healthy for children - especially older children - to be socially isolated and being given the message that “it’s not safe out there”. It’s like being a doomsday survivalist. And a selfish one at that because these people still expect deliveries, power, water, broadband etc and of course expect schmucks to be working away in laboratories developing a vaccine just for them .

It's not just the lack of fresh air, exercise and vitamin d...it's the isolation. Even if you're not meeting anyone or even interacting, just going for a walk is a reminder that there is an outside world.

I can see into the park from my house

Yes, of course you can. Every single inch of it I’m sure.

It's lovely you are worried but honestly we have been similar, I've had an operation, I'm not feeling great we've been enjoying the family time and our bubble. We aren't as strict but haven't seen friends and keep pushing back on activities. I don't want to go to a BBQ or the shops or anything really, we have a garden and family and are happy.

Maybe check she's ok health wise hasn't got any conditions you don't know about? Maybe send her some flowers or something to say worried about you sending hugs etc.

She a lucky to have you

I am still mostly staying home too, the lockdown just made me love my home even more.

We’ve been to the park loads, we’ve been to the beach loads, I go shopping here and there but mostly I’ve had it delivered. I went to the pub the other night and sat outside where it was lovely and deserted.

No one would know I’d done any of this though. If you looked at my SM it would look like we’d stayed home for 4 months.

Maybe she (like me) has said no to certain friends she can’t verify the whereabouts of, iyswim. I’ve only seen friends who I know aren’t meeting different people 15 times a day and who are also sahm.

It's really depressing how there is a complete lack of rational thought in some people.

Interestingly, many of the people on the thread who are putting the case for OP's friend's choices seem to be medically or scientifically trained actually.

@PotholeParadise

No-one desires to judge people who are shielding on medical advice, HearHooves.

The assumption is that medical staff only advise to shield when the risks of coronavirus outweigh the risks that come with shielding.

Frankly, I think it's in poor taste for you to try and turn this thread into a personal attack on you.

There are a wide array of situations in the world, and some of them have nothing in common with your own.

This is an attack on anyone who hasn't gone outside for four months and isn't now running out to the pub, restaurant, meeting friends or having playdates. You are all saying that we will now be unfit, over weight, vitamin D deficient, have anxiety disorders and allergies.

You have no idea whether this family is shielding yet people are telling the op to turn up on her doorstep with tickets for an attraction or hijack her for a get together. That's a gross invasion in my view. I am under no obligation to tell people that I know that I'm shielding. Maybe they are looking at me and thinking exactly what you are all saying. So, yes, it does feel like we are being judged by all of you.

My friend is doing this. Decided one of her children should shield (drs don’t agree!) and hasn’t let them leave the house since March. Three very energetic under 10s and not a massive garden. Not even a drive to the middle of nowhere so they can have a walk. I daren’t talk to her about it anymore as she’s too defensive!

I think you need to zoom call her or see if she will meet in the garden, and just keep in touch. Keep her connected. Ask her if she keeps up with any family or friends at all, or the kids connect with anyone over zoom.

I don’t think that staying in the house is that terrible - in the current circumstances - just for what it is. You don’t know that the kids aren’t exercising and to be honest my DS only has short walks with me every day - which isn’t great exercise - but does loads in the garden so he gets more from there.

If there is a healthy, nice atmosphere in the house, they still keep up with people, the kids seem fit and happy and also keep up with others - then what they are doing is okay surely? Having the odd day out doesn’t suddenly make any family better.