Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

That's odd OP. Was she usually sociable before this?
I'd be worried she is actually being controlled and can't leave.

@maxdash will you not go to cafes, parks, cinemas,NT places now you can?

Have your children seen anyone wearing a mask, I found that quite strange as an adult the first time I saw someone wearing one. Assuming it will be much more common in September that might be quite shocking for a child to see them if they haven't been out for a long time.

We aren't the most sociable but we do go out for walks, bike rides etc. Can't imagine not having seen anyone in person for 6 months even if it is just to say hello from a distance.

"she's imposing it on her kids"

We imposed our lifestyle and outlook on our kids. IMO that's what raising a family is all about .

OP have you had a facetime or video call with her? you could ask to say hi to the kids etc? this would either give some reassurance or confirm you need to be worried.

ineedaholidaynow we will at some point I guess, when we want to. I just have no desire to now. If the kids asked to go somewhere then I'd look in to it (whether it was open, whether we need to buy tickets in advance etc).

I haven't had a major urge to go out. I'm not missing the things we did before. The kids aren't asking about going places. They know places are reopening, they know some kids are going to school.

The kids have seen people in masks - they've met me at work fully gowned up (pre covid) and when I had my 'donning and doffing' training, we had stuff to bring home so they saw me in them. They have online lessons and had a lesson on masks - they have their own, they know how to take them off correctly etc. Plus they see the delivery people in them etc, people walking past the house.

And it's only 4 months since we've seen people 'in real life'.

"And it's only 4 months since we've seen people in real life"

would you believe you would say that phrase 4 months ago @maxdash?

People are ignoring the fact that the seven year old is NOT doing okay with this regime. He's hitting out. And he doesn't have go-kart tracks and room to play football or run anyone like some of the smug posters who are having a great time.

ineedaholidaynow well, considering my job, yes, I was aware of how long lockdown was likely to go on for, but I get what you mean. It does seem like ludicrous statement taken on it's own, but give the context it isn't that mad. But it isn't the 6 months the previous poster suggested.

Not sure, but do police in the UK do wellness checks? So if you contact them and report that you’re concerned she may be at risk from her DH or that something may have happened (bruises, so may not want to go out), in some countries the police go out and make contact and speak to them to determine what is going on/risk level. They then just call you back and let you know if the person is safe or not. Could be an option.

@2bazookas

"she's imposing it on her kids"

We imposed our lifestyle and outlook on our kids. IMO that's what raising a family is all about .

But where's the line? Where does imposing your beliefs, fears, paranoia on your kids stop being acceptable and "what families are about"?

sergeilavrov The police will not do a welfare check for this.

You don't need to be on MN long to recognise the sheer scale of the 'anxiety/panic attacks/can't stop crying' out there, those who wouldn't, in normal times, go out after dark, drive an unknown route, answer the phone to an unknown number, let alone answer an unexpected door-bell!

It's a bit of a leap to suggest that everyone being cautious about Covid falls into this category! I'm not 'anxious' or 'crying' about Covid, I just don't want to have it if it can be avoided, thanks - and so far my experience is that it can. If other people want to do things differently, that's fine by me (though I do think people should be considerate about exposing others to risk unnecessarily).

Tbh, it's impossible to have a balanced conversation about this when so many people here are determined to mock the choices of others.

I’m starting to find people who are completely isolating quite concerning if they’re young/fairly healthy etc
A family members partner is making them take it very seriously still - it seems rather controlling behaviour in the name Corona

I’d be worried too op. It’s hard to know what to suggest. Can you think of any reason to be in their area?

Lots of people are saying 'my kids are fine, they haven't asked to go out and do things' etc. Isn't it possible that they know there's no point? Presumably they aren't stupid and they've picked up that mummy and daddy don't want to go out to places. Also they look to YOU to lead them. Parents are supposed to guide their children through life and aggressively shielding them from a disease that is unlkely to kill them or you (provided no one is shielding obviously) does not look like good role modelling to me. Equipping them with the mental tools to make sensible life choices seem more important to me than hiding inside.

My children haven't asked to go to specific places but each time we have gone to a National Trust property (outside) or to a large park to ride bikes or to see their grandparents in a garden or to have an outside tennis lesson with a friend they have commented on how much they have enjoyed it. It is not normal to be so frightened that your children and you have not left a house in 4 months. It just isn't.

It's really depressing how there is a complete lack of rational thought in some people. Even more so when that lack of rational thought is directly impacting children who have no choice but to abide by your rules.

There's a girl on my FB doing the same with three kids aged 4-9. She's gone for two walks since march before 7am!!! It seems extremely over the top to be scared if walking in fields and stuff. But she clearly is anxious and afraid. I think many are feeling abit scared to venture out again. Especially when they think of masks and queues and social distancing.

She needs to take baby steps but I don't know how you can encourage it. As long as people are walking it's ok to be dodging other stuff for longer. But without walls and fresh air you get

Overweight
Sluggish
Lack in vitamin D
Your muscles get weaker.
Your mood gets lower.

When you are out walking you are exposed to lots of different things like grass, trees, mud, pollen, water. Nature is so important for our immune systems.

Children should be playing outdoors. Woods, fields, rivers and parks. It's so good for them!

I lived on farms as a child. I had an amazing immune system. I'm worried for all these kids in lockdown.

I'm nervous about September but I will be sending my dd. We need to live again eventually.

Walks not walls

That's true @maxdash, I suppose there is a difference between my child's MH is better during lockdown, and lockdown has improved my MH. My sister still struggles today because my parents did their best to not exposure her to stressors, unfortunately many of them are needed to function. But a lot of children are in the same boat.

There will be posts on here in a few months from people refusing to go to back to offices and asking if they are being unreasonable when they are sacked.

Wow how many parents are like this now because of the sheer hysteria this lockdown has caused? This is awful, how many children won’t go back to school in September even though they are healthy? this is more scary than the virus. The more you stay home the harder it is to get back to normal because there is a big scary virus out there, where the reality is most of us will have it mildly if we catch it at all. Society with be split now to those who get on with their lives and those who will be terrified to do anything.

I can't even comprehend this! I have 8 and 4 year olds and if they don't go out DAILY they are climbing the walls like caged monkeys! Obviously I can't get them out every single day even though I do try... and it's those days that I get close to breaking point. This is not healthy and it's extremely damaging. I'd go over and see her and check on the children.

People would be up in arms if people didn't walk their dog daily. This is just as cruel keeping children locked up like this. A garden is not enough.

FluffyKittens

I think that's already beginning to happen. If the business is not going under, then it's 'turn up or unpaid leave' (and that will become precarious after a while, you won't be kept in the books but not working indefinitely) and if the business is vulnerable, and lay offs are in the offing, then it will be entirely fair for the most versatile staff to be the ones kept on, so that will be the ones who can work anywhere.

That is why charities who represent the conditions which currently require shielding are being quite active on retiring to work. It's that no-one should be forced to choose between their job and a risk to their life. The current guidance says the newly de-shielded can return to Covid-safe workplaces, but is utterly silent on what will happen to them if their workplace is not Covid-safe.

(The best solution would be a kind of 'shield list' leave (the list is not being abolished, it's just the advice being suspended - so they'll be the first indoors if there is a rise in cases), whereby they are the only group who continue to furlough, with guaranteed right of return, though they're high and dry if their whole organisation goes bust, or they are self-employed in a non-Covid safe role)

People would be up in arms if people didn't walk their dog daily

Good point.

People would be up in arms if people didn't walk their dog daily

Yes they would, but it's okay for children.

Could you offer to meet her in the park at 6am, say the park will be completely empty. That you will wear masks and respect Social distance. I would try to encourage her to first go out to somewhere without people rather than a day out