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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to meeting up with my sister if she is getting on a train?

109 replies

Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 07:36

My sister lives in Edinburgh and is hoping to make a visit to see us in Manchester at the beginning of August. She said car hire is too expensive so they are getting the train. Her trip is mainly to see parents but she has asked if I want to meet up too.
Without my family they are a group of 5. With us, 9 so not sure it is even allowed, especially as it is from 3 different households, but my main concern is that she is travelling by train. I am sure she will wear a mask on the train etc but I am uncomfortable at the idea.
I haven't seen her since Feb and feel awful but am I unreasonable?

OP posts:

Gurtcha · 17/07/2020 07:38

Yes YABU. People have to travel by public transport all the time.

Sirzy · 17/07/2020 07:40

Unless your going to pay for her to hire a car then yes you are being very unreasonable.

If you where my sister I would take it as finding excuses not to see me and be rather pissed off tbh

MarcelineMissouri · 17/07/2020 07:40

Yes technically it would not be ok to all meet up in a larger group but could you not arrange to see her separately if you don’t want to meet up as a group? I definitely think it would be unreasonable not to see her due to her travelling by train. (I’m assuming you would have mentioned if you were shielding or anything) Public transport still seems to be pretty quiet at the moment anyway.

Midsommar · 17/07/2020 07:41

YAB massively U.

What do you want your sister to do, walk? Skate? Hitch a ride on a camel?

Just trust that your sister has taken all the proper precautions and enjoy your time with her!

Ilikewinter · 17/07/2020 07:41

If thats how you feel then dont meet up with her., you need to do what you feel is right for you.
Personally though I wouldnt have an issue and the trains are very quiet at the minute.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 17/07/2020 07:42

Just out of interest, given that the virus isn't going anywhere, when do you think that you will permit your sister to see you again?

AvoidingRealHumans · 17/07/2020 07:45

Yes yabu and massively over the top.

MinnieMountain · 17/07/2020 07:45

YABU.

We don't have a car, so we can't see my DF this summer as his DP is shielding and isn't comfortable with us travelling by train. That I can understand (annoying as it is).

Presumably your Dsis has been out shopping etc, so I don't see that going by car makes a massive difference.

Thingsthatgo · 17/07/2020 07:46

Are you shielding? If not you are being a bit precious.

44PumpLane · 17/07/2020 07:47

How many of them are travelling by train and what's the cost?

If you feel that strongly could you offer to pay the difference between their train fare and the car hire cost?

However as per a poster above, virus isn't going anywhere so you have to make your own risk assessments about what you consider safe.

Ask her to wear masks and I'm sure she'll do her best to sit away from people on the train.

She could bring some dettol wipes to clean the train area she'll be sitting in and lots of regular hand washing and 70% alcohol gel.
Minimise risk on the journey.

Original poster

Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 07:48

Interesting responses. Its not about excuses and there is no point meeting seperately as the train is the main issue so it doesn't resolve that.
I don't know when I would see her again to be honest. We aren't that close so even if COVID hadn't come, I would probably only have seen her once in the last few months.
She only recently got reid of her ar and has always driven before.

OP posts:

lifesalongsong · 17/07/2020 07:51

Do flatmates you feel comfortable but the risk of sitting next to someone with the virus is miniscule

I know we're not getting all the data but random community transmission can't be a big issue, when you take away known outbreak numbers and pillar 1 cases from the total each day you arent left with many

Original poster

Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 07:53

I'm not going to pay the difference between car and train. Her journey is to see my parent's not me. I have just been invited along, probably because she is discussing it in family whattsapp.
I know I am probably being precious and in many ways I am itching to get back to a bit of normality but a few hours on a (potentially crowded) train is an unsettling thought.

OP posts:

Notredamn · 17/07/2020 07:53

I think it's madness you wouldn't see her because she's going by train. Most people round here commute by train. It's normal.

Ginfordinner · 17/07/2020 07:57

Won't you even see her outside in a garden?

Do you never go supermarket shopping?

GertiMJN · 17/07/2020 07:57

You will be socially distancing from your sister so what is the problem?

Original poster

Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 07:58

GertiMJN - my children are small and won't socially distance. And I kow my sister - she is a hugger, virus or no virus.

OP posts:

Tinamou · 17/07/2020 07:59

Oh well, if you're not close and don't really want to see her then I guess that's the real reason!

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 17/07/2020 07:59

If you don't like her and aren't bothered to see her at least own up to that rather than blaming the train.

Notredamn · 17/07/2020 08:01

Sounds like you don't like her tbh. The last excuse of your children 'not socially distancing' is . Yeah, don't bother.

BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler · 17/07/2020 08:01

“Interesting responses” because no one has yet agreed with you?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 17/07/2020 08:01

If you don't want to see her, don't see her. Just be aware that the train sounds a really lame excuse and she'll see right through it.

Ragwort · 17/07/2020 08:03

I think you are massively over reacting ... going by your user name I assume you are a teacher? Surely you are mixing with lots of different people all the time. Do you not go shopping?

And if you don't want your DC to hug your sister then don't take them with you.

If you don't want to meet your sister then don't, but don't try and find an 'excuse'.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/07/2020 08:03

Yes, YABU. I don't own a car so I have no choice but to use public transport. You're being ridiculous.

GertiMJN · 17/07/2020 08:04

Do you visit your parents with your dc?

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