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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to meeting up with my sister if she is getting on a train?

109 replies

Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 07:36

My sister lives in Edinburgh and is hoping to make a visit to see us in Manchester at the beginning of August. She said car hire is too expensive so they are getting the train. Her trip is mainly to see parents but she has asked if I want to meet up too.
Without my family they are a group of 5. With us, 9 so not sure it is even allowed, especially as it is from 3 different households, but my main concern is that she is travelling by train. I am sure she will wear a mask on the train etc but I am uncomfortable at the idea.
I haven't seen her since Feb and feel awful but am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 17/07/2020 08:04

Train journeys from what people are telling me are low risk. A lot of us used to be huggers but aren't anymore, I'm sure your sister will be the same. Keep your 2m from everyone and if she comes in for a hug you don't have to oblige. Perhaps go alone or coach your children not to hug.

Destroyedpeople · 17/07/2020 08:05

Sorry but objecting to meeting your sister based on what mode of transport she has used does sound a bit batty.
If you don't like her don't meet her end of story. But stop making this stuff up to justify yourself. Just do it! (Or don't do it. .. )

daisypond · 17/07/2020 08:06

Not wanting to see her because she is travelling by train is very unreasonable. Most people surely have to travel by public transport on a day to day basis. Everyone I know does, virus or no virus. How do you think people get to work or do their shopping?

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:06

I expected the majority to disagree with me - but not because its an "excuse" but because I am overreacting about the virus.

I do like her, but we ae not close. I only added this because of the suggestion to pay for her to travel another way. If she had rang me and said "I really want to see you, lets meet up" and I had a problem with her method of transport, then thats different. She didn't. She messaged saying "parents lets meet up" and then when arrangements were sorted said "teacher, do you want to come".

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 17/07/2020 08:07

And you can easily state 'no hugging'. I have a very 'huggy' friend and even she has stopped it.

Apolloanddaphne · 17/07/2020 08:08

I would have no problem with meeting with someone who had been on a train. It's not that long from Edinburgh to Manchester and they will have to wear masks on the train. It really does sound like you just don't want to see your sister.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:09

@GertiMJN
I have seen them once since lockdown. My kids did not socially distance but then my mum has been furloughed and not in contact with anyone. Same as my sister, until she gets on that train.

I accept I am probably being unreasonable and many people seem to think it is safe so I will try and get my head around it so we can see her.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/07/2020 08:09

YABU to not see her because she will have traveled by train

YANBU to 'go at your own pace' and keep following all the daily rule - or more often 'guidance' changes - to the letter. We all have different attitudes to risk and we all have different reasons for being more cautious or less cautious than the next person, and different needs to meet so we can justify different things to ourselves.

Having looked at the cost of several train journey around the country over the last few years, I'm pretty surprised she can get tickets for 5 people to travel that distance on the train for less than hiring one car - however, that is an aside.

If you don't want to see her, then don't see her. But the fact she is arriving in Manchester on the train is a daft excuse to hide behind.

Abraid2 · 17/07/2020 08:10

Trains are running almost empty at the moment. She won’t be in contact with masses of people.

GertiMJN · 17/07/2020 08:11

How old are your dc?

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:11

It is literally the train that is the problem and nothing else.
She has been home with her partner for months and is no risk at all. If she was driving, I wouldn't have questioned it, even if it does put us over group size, I still would have met up with her outside.

OP posts:
Caramel78 · 17/07/2020 08:11

I got a train the other day and there were only two other people in my carriage the whole way. We all wore masks. Surely I would be more likely to come into contact with the virus if I went somewhere like a supermarket?!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 17/07/2020 08:12

OP I understand your anxiety ,but please ask yourself of you are willing to carry on like this for 2 years or even longer .
A virus that infects the whole world does not simply disappear, never to come back , after a few months.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:12

@BackforGood - there are only 2 of them. The other 3 people are my parents and sister who are already in Manchester. She is travelling to see them and has invited my family of 4. 3 households, 9 people.

Kids are 6 & 4.

OP posts:
Notredamn · 17/07/2020 08:14

They should be socially distancing at that age. I have one much younger and it's been no problem. If they refuse, then it's your role as a parent to keep them away.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:14

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

OP I understand your anxiety ,but please ask yourself of you are willing to carry on like this for 2 years or even longer . A virus that infects the whole world does not simply disappear, never to come back , after a few months.
I didn't think I was anxious about it until today. DH has been driving me mad, wiping the shopping, spraying dettol on everyones shoes when we have been for a walk and refusing to go anywhere despite my pleas. I thought I was the rational one!
OP posts:
KatieB55 · 17/07/2020 08:16

I met family member off train last weekend from London. Four people got off the train & I counted four on the train as it left - a big intercity train with hardly any passengers.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:16

@Notredamn Really? They have had no contact with a single person outside of our household for 12 weeks! would you really deny your children a hug from their grandparents?

OP posts:
Pobblebonk · 17/07/2020 08:17

The train really isn't "potentially crowded". It's not even likely to be half full.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:17

@KatieB55

I met family member off train last weekend from London. Four people got off the train & I counted four on the train as it left - a big intercity train with hardly any passengers.
That's encouraging.
OP posts:
Goyle · 17/07/2020 08:19

I live in London. Due to necessity, I don't have a car but use PT every day. Not the same thing, but the Jubilee and Victoria lines have been rammed throughout the lockdown. Yet London has a very low infection and death rate now.

I have travelled on local trains and they are mostly deserted.

I want to visit my parents by train. My dad is infirm, lots of health problems. I looked it up, and apparently I am not supposed to visit unless I am his carer, which I'm not. But I have colleagues who commute further distances by train to work and care for their parents, so to me, the rules don't make sense.

As long as your sister and her family are sensible, use social distancing, wear masks and wash their hands/use hand sanitiser, I don't see the problem. If your parents have a garden, sit apart in the garden.

TW2013 · 17/07/2020 08:19

When would you meet her in relation to the train journey? Surely if she has just travelled that day, and was unlucky enough to catch the virus, the chances of her having enough viral load to pass it on to you would be really small.

Esspee · 17/07/2020 08:19

It is interesting when some people ask if they are being unreasonable and are told YES by a huge majority how they refuse to accept the verdict.
Can’t see the point of you asking OP.

GertiMJN · 17/07/2020 08:20

Keep thinking you are the rational one!

Don't allow your sister to hug you or your dc. They are old enough for you to explain. Or could your dh have them while you go for a catch up?

Notredamn · 17/07/2020 08:24

@Teacher12345 so they have been socially distancing then, isolating even. You said it as fact 'my children are young so they don't socially distance' Confused
It's up to you whether you allow physical contact at this point, but all through lock down, depriving children and grandparents of hugs, is exactly what we've all been doing.