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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to meeting up with my sister if she is getting on a train?

109 replies

Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 07:36

My sister lives in Edinburgh and is hoping to make a visit to see us in Manchester at the beginning of August. She said car hire is too expensive so they are getting the train. Her trip is mainly to see parents but she has asked if I want to meet up too.
Without my family they are a group of 5. With us, 9 so not sure it is even allowed, especially as it is from 3 different households, but my main concern is that she is travelling by train. I am sure she will wear a mask on the train etc but I am uncomfortable at the idea.
I haven't seen her since Feb and feel awful but am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 17/07/2020 08:26

If seeing her isn't really important to you, don't.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:27

[quote Teacher12345]@GertiMJN
I have seen them once since lockdown. My kids did not socially distance but then my mum has been furloughed and not in contact with anyone. Same as my sister, until she gets on that train.

I accept I am probably being unreasonable and many people seem to think it is safe so I will try and get my head around it so we can see her.[/quote]
@Esspee you clearly missed this post!

OP posts:
Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:30

@Notredamn when we saw my parents last, on our only visit since lockdown, they did not socially distance. Same with my inlaws. They are so excited to see people again. They have been kept away from people yes but if faced with a family member, they aren't going to sit 2m away.

OP posts:
ScrapThatThen · 17/07/2020 08:31

It's not 'safe' or 'not safe', it's a higher or lower level of risk. So you're willing to risk not wiping the shopping, others are willing to risk being in contact with someone who has been on public transport. It's ok to decide your own parameters.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:32

@ScrapThatThen You wouldn't think so with some of these responses. Apparently, My paremeter are an excuse for not wanting to see my sister.

OP posts:
Notredamn · 17/07/2020 08:33

Ok then, OP your kids are special and everyone else's who have been following the rules just weren't excited enough to see their family members.
In any case, you aren't fussed about your sister so don't see her.

LolaSmiles · 17/07/2020 08:34

There's no safe/not safe and the guidelines are increasingly contradictory. I started off following everything to the letter, but in the last fortnight since lockdown relaxed I've decided to assess my own bubbles because I can't seriously believe that the virus won't spread in a pub, but will in a shop, needs containing by masks when indoors and social distancing isn't possible, but knows where schools are and is kind enough not to spread between 32 children and a teacher in a classroom designed for 28.

If she's taking appropriate hygiene measures and wearing a mask then a train that's under capacity is probably less risk than going to the supermarket.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:36

@Notredamn I am not saying they are special. I am saying they won't be socially distancing. So either the train is a risk and we don't go, or the train is not a risk and we go. The situation really is that simple!

People here are saying the trains are empty and are not a risk. I accept that. We will probably go. Even if it's just me and not the kids.

OP posts:
jomaIone · 17/07/2020 08:36

Even if she did pick up the virus on the train, she's not going to be immediately infectious anyway so I'm not sure the problem!

wishing3 · 17/07/2020 08:37

I'd feel anxious about this too OP. If you know the kids/your sister won't keep distance and you're worried about it then don't feel bad about it. Sorry I've not read whole thread, but sounds like when kids hugged mum it was okay because she's not been out and about. I'd just explain to your sister.

saraclara · 17/07/2020 08:40

I've been into London by train twice. On three of the four journeys I was the only person in my carriage.

YABU.

RandyLionandDirtyDog · 17/07/2020 08:40

Nope, if it was me, I probably wouldn’t see her. It’s a long train journey and not essential to see someone in person.

I haven’t visited my adult DC or DGC since last year and I’m not going to see them in person, until next summer at the earliest as we live abroad from them.

You can chat over Skype etc.

I wouldn’t change my opinion just because a lot of randoms on Mumsnet have a different opinion. That would be weird.

wishing3 · 17/07/2020 08:40

As an alternative if you're worried about offending, can you go by yourself and meet them in an outdoor space at least 2metres away?

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:41

@Jomalone really? I admit I don't know how long you would need to be carrying the virus before you can pass it on but ig this is the case then I guess it is no risk?

OP posts:
jay55 · 17/07/2020 08:41

I went on an intercity train a few weeks ago and there were maybe 5 people a carriage and that was on a train in to London that would usually be totally full.
Everyone had to wear masks, it was very clean.
I felt a lot less at risk than in the supermarket.

BiggerBoat1 · 17/07/2020 08:44

I have to get a train to work. Should my family shun me?

Notredamn · 17/07/2020 08:44

Ok OP this is my last post as I'm even boring myself, but when you said your kids don't socially distance, it came across as this was another problem (otherwise why mention it) as to why you wouldn't feel comfortable seeing your sister. I'm just saying, as the parent: keep them apart, then. Or don't. Or don't bring them and then deprive them from even seeing your sister, as you would rather that than keep them from hugging her. It's your choice.

SmileyClare · 17/07/2020 08:45

Are you (still working) going to return to work as a teacher? You will be working with people that have used public transport, been in hospitals, seen other families, been shopping etc. How will you cope.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:46

Wishing I think she is suggesting an outdoor space so could do that yes. Just that is an hour travel each way so we don't go often and if I was making the journey I'd want the kids to see family too.
P.S before people jump on me saying an hour is nothing, My parents are often only free for half a day and so 2 hours travelling for 3 hours goes too fast for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:47

@SmileyClare not until mid September.

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 17/07/2020 08:50

You're clearly just not that bothered about seeing your sister and think it's all too much effort.

Don't try and dress it up as something it's not.

Original poster
Teacher12345 · 17/07/2020 08:53

Vanilla, I'm not in a rush to see her but I also know that due to the distance, it will be October before I see her if I turn the opportunity down which is a long time to go without seeing family.

OP posts:
GertiMJN · 17/07/2020 08:54

Maybe this would be a good opportunity to introduce social distancing to your children. As you've decided its ok for them to hug their grandparents, why not stop there. Then your dc have a clear rule that they can hug each other mum and dad and grandparents.

But tell them that the rules say we shouldn't hug the other people we used to hug including Auntie. And we need to keep our distance from other people as much as possible

They need to be able to socialise safely even if its just getting out and about or meeting people in parks.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 17/07/2020 08:54

I’ve just got a commuter train into London. Boarded at 8am. BCV, you’d be lucky to get on the train, let alone get a seat. Sardines x 1000.

12 people boarded with me.

YABU.

MrBennsshop · 17/07/2020 09:00

I don't see the problem. Trains are running almost empty for much of the time. One of our DC visited from London recently and there were 2 other people in the carriage.

The adults can wear masks and socially distance. Or if you aren't bothered about seeing her, don't. Neither scenario is a big deal.

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