To say no to meeting up with my sister if she is getting on a train?

[Teacher12345]

My sister lives in Edinburgh and is hoping to make a visit to see us in Manchester at the beginning of August. She said car hire is too expensive so they are getting the train. Her trip is mainly to see parents but she has asked if I want to meet up too.
Without my family they are a group of 5. With us, 9 so not sure it is even allowed, especially as it is from 3 different households, but my main concern is that she is travelling by train. I am sure she will wear a mask on the train etc but I am uncomfortable at the idea.
I haven't seen her since Feb and feel awful but am I unreasonable?

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen thankyou. That is the kid of useful insight i need!

@Teacher12345

Vanilla, I'm not in a rush to see her but I also know that due to the distance, it will be October before I see her if I turn the opportunity down which is a long time to go without seeing family.

Well then you need to decide what's more important - seeing your sister or sticking to your idea that train travel is inherently more dangerous than anything else.

She needs to get the train to see you. Either you see her and accept the very minimal risk, or you decide the risk is too much but accept that means you won't see her for several more months.

I can't imagine ever being in a situation where I turn down seeing my family because they've travelled on a train - it's insane to me. See your sister!

I don't know how busy the trains on the Edinburgh to Manchester route are but I went on a train for the first time since lockdown on Wednesday. There were three people in my carriage. At the station, there were hand sanitiser points. Almost every passenger was wearing a face covering. I really don't see how the train is less safe than a pub or shop with the current numbers of people travelling.

OP - I'd be more concerned about your DH, does he have anxiety. I have never wiped down my shopping or sprayed Dettol on my shoes. Just been sensible, wore a mask and washed my hands regularly.

We have to get on with our lives sensibly and this virus may be with us for a long time.

I don't think what you're thinking is wrong OP

It's not what I'd do, but I'm not you and everyone should manage their own risk according to their own concerns.

When will you be happy to fraternise with people who have used public transport?

As pointed out already. If your sister touches a train seat or is close to others on a train and then an hour later hugs your dc, she will not pass on anything she has caught on that train. In the unlikely event she has been infected, it takes up to 14 days to develop any symptoms.

It's not like playing cooties at school where you touch one person and touch another to 'it" them.

Not much will change by September when you return to work. The virus will still be here. Maybe read up on virus transmission- how it is transmitted, the risks and the measures we are taking to minimise those risks. Your own individual risk of catching it or becoming very unwell is very very low..That will give you some perspective. Take your information from public health advice rather than social media.

You don't want to be in a high state of fear and anxiety when you return to teaching in a month or so.

I can't help wondering if your dh's extreme attitude; disinfecting everything, wiping shoes, just being generally over anxious is rubbing off on you. Has he got an opinion on you meeting your sister?

Why are you thanking Yellow for telling you the commuter train to London at 8am was packed? To validate your fear?

Presumably your sister won't be getting on the train in rush hour? Off peak times, the trains are pretty empty and most people are in masks.

YABU. I have a family member who is making my life a misery for daring to do things that are allowed and has not credited me with the intelligence to undertake those activities as safely as possible. Your sister is the one who is being rational and coming now, at an appropriate time, to see her parents. By all means don't see her, but it is you who is behaving unreasonably, not her. Hiding yourself away from friends and family rather than taking appropriate precautions against a virus which at this moment you are statistically less likely to catch than be infected is madness. It's not a life.

This is such an odd take on how to stay safe. You allow your children to hug two sets of grandparents but worry about seeing your adult sister outside. Are you a teacher? Surely you understand who is most at risk and how to follow rules?

@SmileyClare

Why are you thanking Yellow for telling you the commuter train to London at 8am was packed? To validate your fear?

Presumably your sister won't be getting on the train in rush hour? Off peak times, the trains are pretty empty and most people are in masks.

She said it was packed pre Covid, and now it’s empty.

@SmileyClare

Why are you thanking Yellow for telling you the commuter train to London at 8am was packed? To validate your fear?

Presumably your sister won't be getting on the train in rush hour? Off peak times, the trains are pretty empty and most people are in masks.

I was telling her the opposite . That Before Corona Virus (BCV) the trains were packed but only 12 people boarded this morning.

It's not 'safe' or 'not safe', it's a higher or lower level of risk

This ^

It does seem as if your dh's over the top level of anxiety combined with the fact you haven't left your house has skewed your level of normal.
I'm not sure how you are going to cope with managing your class in September if you don't start getting out in carefully managed situations now.

From all of your posts, it seems that the train travel isn't the issue, it is your family not being prepared to follow the same rules the rest of the country are following.
I struggle to equate your dh putting dettol on everyone's shoes whenever you enter the house (suggested by no-one ever) with you (both) then letting both Grandparents hug them and ignore social distancing generally.

OP I understand your anxiety, but I think it's just a fear of the unknown. Everything in this weird situation is a bit nerve-wracking the first time you do it as you don't know what it's going to be like, but as soon as you've done it once it starts to feel more normal. Because you haven't been on a train since lockdown started your mind is jumping to the worst case scenario and imagining a crowded sweaty germ-tube full of people breathing recycled air all over each other, but in reality, as people have said, they're very clean and much less busy than usual. It's no different to how we were all anxious about going to the supermarket at the beginning, but now most people don't give it a second thought.

@Itisbetter - my sister isn't a concern. My concern was her getting on public transport. No one else we have seen has done this.

I am, despite some of the replies being a bit blunt, assured that trains are safe enough. Some people do need to learn though that when you attack people, they get defensive. I have been out for a run in between replying and can see that what people are saying makes sense and it isn't any more risk than the supermarket.

Oh and people concerned for my profession, I teach adults so no need to comfort them and things can be explained by me standing at the front of the room. I am actually looking forward to it but thats another 10 weeks away so either cases will be even fewer than now, or a spike will mean I am told to conduct virtual lesson.
And, we are being told we will only be on campus for our classes

In general, I am happy to go to supermarkets (but haven't been to small shops) and we are going to a beach today. But these are much bigger spaces than a train carraige and you don't spend 2-3 hours on them. Plus the fact that it has been policy for a few weeks now to wear a mask on PT made me feel it is more of a risk than other activities.

dh goes on a train everyday right through it its fine masks are mandatory now

Teacher12345 my response may have been harsh, and on reflection, I think Psycomath sums the situation up very well. Doing things for the first time is unnerving.

Sorry YellowandGreen I completely misread what you'd written. Ignore me, my morning coffee obviously
hasn't kicked in yet!
As you were.

Project Fear has certainly worked.

I took the train this week to visit parents.
The trains are spotless.
The carriages are very quiet at off peak times.
Masks are worn.
The steward sprays and wipes the table if someone leaves the train.
Probably less germs now than in normal times.

Sorry if you felt a bit jumped on Op. I just think your risk assessment is way off on this one, perhaps as pps have said partly due to fear of the unknown and your dh's anxiety.

Have you made a decision about meeting your sister?

What's wrong with the train? I don't see any issue at all. You have to wear a mask and social distance just like anywhere else. Although she would go to the pub later and do neither of those things effectively. Why do you think a train is a huge risk? Has she not been shopping or working or anything?

The situation with the virus might be worse in October (you mentioned that if you didn't see your sister now it might be October before you could see her).

Yes YABU. I don’t really understand why you say you hope she wears a mask, you have to wear a mask on public transport, this includes trains.