To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

[Fuckinellitsme]

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

claireb707

I was simply addressing the comment about EDS.

No one is being considerate of my difficulties. I ask for no help or consideration from anyone, other than my husband.

My illnesses have zero impact on anyone else.

If you are demanding that people who are exempt from wearing masks wear them anyway, or stay away from the shop you work in / stay at home, then actually it does have an impact on other people. But you wouldn't understand that would you. It's all about you.

@DappledThings

Criticise me and attack me all you want but don't misrepresent what actually happened.

Yeah, you might want to reflect on those words.

Ok

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras - I think it would be reasonable for you to request perspex screens at work, or to ask if you can do non till duties (like being in the stock room) where it's easier for you to avoid others.

I'm horrified that you're being forced back straight after shielding ends. My employer is letting everyone vulnerable or shielding stay at home for the foreseeable, even if their job can't be done from home and they're on full pay too.

I can't wear a mask, and I would have no issue going to specific tills in a shop if asked to do so when entering.

However, I think you'll get further with a request for a perspex screen and it will provide a good barrier between you and others.

Our Tesco and Waitrose all have perspex screens now.

@KarenMcKaren

No one is being considerate of my difficulties. I ask for no help or consideration from anyone, other than my husband.

My illnesses have zero impact on anyone else.

If you are demanding that people who are exempt from wearing masks wear them anyway, or stay away from the shop you work in / stay at home, then actually it does have an impact on other people. But you wouldn't understand that would you. It's all about you.

I'm not demanding people wear a mask.

I'm not demanding they stay away from the shop I work in.

I'm saying they should stay away from me. Which they should be doing anyway. Stay two metres away from me, that's what everyone should be doing anyway.

[quote CaffiSaliMali]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras - I think it would be reasonable for you to request perspex screens at work, or to ask if you can do non till duties (like being in the stock room) where it's easier for you to avoid others.

I'm horrified that you're being forced back straight after shielding ends. My employer is letting everyone vulnerable or shielding stay at home for the foreseeable, even if their job can't be done from home and they're on full pay too.

I can't wear a mask, and I would have no issue going to specific tills in a shop if asked to do so when entering.

However, I think you'll get further with a request for a perspex screen and it will provide a good barrier between you and others.[/quote]
Thank you for the understanding.

You know about the side effects that you have, how they affect you. You know how the illness that you have affects you. You really don't know about how the side effects affect me, or how my illness affects me. Just as I don't know how you are affected

As I've said very many times, I said I empathised with how awful side effects (and chronic illness) is. I didn't say I knew precisely how they affect you.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I genuinely wish you well and hope that you get some relief from your conditions and that they are able to be managed satisfactorily, it's awful that you've been left out in the cold and struggling. We'll never agree on the mask situation but we can agree, surely, that chronic illness is shit.

However I think it's best if I bow out if this conversation with you now. As I said, I apologise if I've caused you any offence and whatever you may think, I do empathise with anyone dealing with chronic illness and the worry of Covid on top. I hope you can stay safe when you return to work and able to access all the help that may be available to you. Good luck

then actually it does have an impact on other people. But you wouldn't understand that would you. It's all about you.

And people not wearing masks? How much understanding do they have for the impact that they will have on other people?

I'm saying they should stay away from me. Which they should be doing anyway. Stay two metres away from me, that's what everyone should be doing anyway

And the OP hasn’t once said she won’t be staying 2m from people. So no issue, surely?

"Thank you for sharing about your DH - these stories of people who have had surgery and it's been a success are massively hopeful for me. I was only diagnosed about two years ago and have been told surgery will be an option down the road. As you say, it's the fear that's almost as debilitating as the condition itself - being scared to do really simple everyday things, like brushing your hair, getting dressed and yes, breathing. Living in a constant state of fear is enough to drive anyone mad, and that's before you even get to the pain."

Gosh your post takes me right back to those days. He couldn't play with the DDs or anything (then 3&1) I think DH was about 4 years in when he had the MVD. He was becoming too tolerant of the meds he was on. It has literally changed his life. It took me a long time to touch or kiss that side of his face though! I really hope you can find relief very soon

@Fuckinellitsme

You know about the side effects that you have, how they affect you. You know how the illness that you have affects you. You really don't know about how the side effects affect me, or how my illness affects me. Just as I don't know how you are affected

As I've said very many times, I said I empathised with how awful side effects (and chronic illness) is. I didn't say I knew precisely how they affect you.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I genuinely wish you well and hope that you get some relief from your conditions and that they are able to be managed satisfactorily, it's awful that you've been left out in the cold and struggling. We'll never agree on the mask situation but we can agree, surely, that chronic illness is shit.

However I think it's best if I bow out if this conversation with you now. As I said, I apologise if I've caused you any offence and whatever you may think, I do empathise with anyone dealing with chronic illness and the worry of Covid on top. I hope you can stay safe when you return to work and able to access all the help that may be available to you. Good luck

No don't leave. This is your thread.

I'm going to hide it and stay away so you can continue the discussion.

I'm saying they should stay away from me. Which they should be doing anyway. Stay two metres away from me, that's what everyone should be doing anyway

Well as long as you can serve customers with two metres to spare, then you have no issue. Not entirely possible at the check out though is it. Or are you going to refuse to serve them? Get your employer to put up glass. Not demand that exempt people wear masks.

No don't leave. This is your thread

I won't be leaving - I just think it best if we end our conversation on it, as it's derailed things a bit and unfortunately I don't seem to be expressing myself as I'd wish to in it.

Take care x

@KarenMcKaren

I'm saying they should stay away from me. Which they should be doing anyway. Stay two metres away from me, that's what everyone should be doing anyway

Well as long as you can serve customers with two metres to spare, then you have no issue. Not entirely possible at the check out though is it. Or are you going to refuse to serve them? Get your employer to put up glass. Not demand that exempt people wear masks.

Yes, I'll refuse to serve them.

I'm not demanding people wear masks, just that they stay away from me.

I don't have the right to demand others wear masks. They don't have the right to risk my life. As you say, you can't maintain a two metre distance at the checkout so anyone not wearing a mask is a potential risk to the cashier. How can that be a "right"?

@DappledThings having chronic illnesses can make you incredibly frustrated at times - it's very hard to get others to understand what you're going through, particularly if your condition is invisible. I've been in some very dark places over the past ten years because of it. I totally get why people may seem combative - I'm sure I have in the past (and probably still do on occasion, particularly when I'm in pain or trying to explain to people that no, turmeric won't help or whatever). People mean well but often it's hard to listen to it when you know your condition is incurable and painful and you can't fix or help it. I try to bear this in mind when talking to others living with illness - it's scary enough at any time but with Covid to worry about too it's even worse, and it's no surprise that feelings are running high. I've been guilty of that too, almost definitely!

And people not wearing masks? How much understanding do they have for the impact that they will have on other people?

We've talked plenty about that. I'm asking you if you ever empathise with other people. Have you for instance thought that the OP also suffers greatly with what is clearly a number of conditions plus the side effects of her medications? Have you felt compelled to express this to her? Or does this stuff honestly not occur to you?
I'm not actually trying to be horrible here although I realise I was very impatient with you earlier, I'm just trying to understand your thought process.

Ehlers-Danlos is sometimes co-morbid with autism, I'm wondering if you're on the spectrum?
(Before anyone has a go at me, I'm diagnosed myself which is why something in the posting style has sparked with me).

*Yes, I'll refuse to serve them.

I'm not demanding people wear masks, just that they stay away from me.*
sorry this is unreasonable you've gone on and about your medical condition which people have empathised with but you are hell bent on being unreasonable.
If you have a customer facing job you should have a screen up . You can't refuse a customer because they are not wearing a mask for a medical condition .
If you employer supports you that's fine they need to have another staff member to serve the customer.
It's your issue you are going against government advice .
You have a screen they are allowed to not wear a mask so you are unreasonable.
But it's all about you isn't it @Hearhoovesthinkzebras ? you've highjacked the ops thread to talk about yourself and the op has been empathetic and lovely and you my dear have not .
Have a nice day

How can that be a "right"?

because that's the governments decision. Not yours. Those who can wear masks do. Those who can't don't. I expect your employer will be delighted when you start refusing to serve customers, be interesting to see how that works out for you... Undoubtedly you are in the wrong job. In part because of your health, but also because of your people skills. Or absolute lack of them.

Anyway I'm bowing out of discussion with you now as it's not fair on the op, and it's her thread, no the woe is zebra thread.

"No one is being considerate of my difficulties. I ask for no help or consideration from anyone, other than my husband.

My illnesses have zero impact on anyone else."

Throughout lockdown you have been banging on about what others should and shouldn't do and that there should be no exemptions and relaxing of rules for other vulnerable people even if not doing so leads to them suffering - so you are choosing to make them impact on other people.

And so Queen Dementor kept ranting all morning. This thread should be wheeled out every time anyone claims that these Covid crazed, negative, utterly self obsessed, joy suckers don’t exist on Mumsnet. At least we can all be grateful that we don’t have to put up with her in real life. I pity her family and colleagues.

@SengaStrawberry

Hearhooves you are one of the most entitled and self centred posters on MN and given the competition that’s quite some accolade.

Even Xenia has managed to show kindness and compassion.

Incidentally I've just ordered this if anyone needs something a little more 'obvious' than a sunflower lanyard. They also sell the N95 filtration masks for those who can wear them and require a bit of extra protection for themselves.

If you employer supports you that's fine they need to have another staff member to serve the customer.
It's your issue you are going against government advice .

There will be a good twenty other tills open to serve people. My employer will have to make reasonable adjustments for me. If they allow people in not wearing masks, who will then be putting me at risk, then my employer will have to put in adjustments to protect me.

A customer has no right to put my health at risk. They are needs that will have to be balanced. It's perfectly reasonable to ask customers without masks to use another checkout.

As for transport, I have no idea. I certainly can't afford to take multiple buses for one hour at as was suggested earlier. Nor can I afford to take taxis everywhere. If people aren't wearing masks on buses then I will not be able to travel by bus and forego medical treatment that requires a bus journey I suppose. Obviously that's reasonable.

I hear you.
For those of us with no choice to work, take public transport etc, and are at high risk of severe illness if we contract COVID, it's just shit. It really is. I think only other people in the same situation really get how awful it is.

I do think this is much like vaccination - if everyone who can mask does (and especially on public transport!), and that's most people, the odd unmasked person here and there won't matter.

The people who are really doing us harm are those who can mask, but won't.

Anyway, it's absolutely horrible, I get it, that so many people who can make life safer for others simply, refuse to do so. It makes you feel like you are just so devalued.

It seems to me the OP is like the person who can't vaccinate - OP isn't a problem if people who don't need an exemption don't exempt themselves.

Hope that makes sense. But I do get how you feel.