To stay in bed tomorrow and ask DH to contact my boss

[Gaffertape101]

I'm exhausted beyond exhausted - just Like many others are too probably. Currently managing working every day at home, looking after 2 DS 1 who is ASD, DH is also ASD, doing all the food shops, running the house, managing the finances and keeping everything ticking over, managing a garden renovation project, getting the family ready to go away and planning for it all. I just want to stay in bed tomorrow and ask DH to contact my boss (we work in same company) and say I'm exhausted physically and mentally and hes not waking me coz I need to rest before I collapse. He wont do it not even if I asked him.

I can see that you want someone to recognise that you have had enough, but this is not the plan to run with. Tell them clearly. How long is it until your holiday OP?

Asking for your dh to ring in sick for you is cringy, you really can't do that.

The fantasy that your dh would decide for you that you shouldn't go in to work is a bit uncomfortable tbh.

Take responsibility for your own feelings and ring in if you want too.

Only one of those things was your job causing a problem,the rest is your home life ,not your bosses problem
You have a dh problem,not a work problem
Why should you have a day of work ,because your dh is not doing his share at home .

Two people doing the same job living the same life with the same responsibilities. One is exhausted and one isn’t.

I have managed this type of couple. Could never understand why the rest of the team picked up the slack from a dysfunctional couple with a poor work life balance.

It's horrible when nobody notices you are down and exhausted and they just expect you to go on and on like a wind up toy.

If your DH is ASD, he may well need you to sit down and tell him what you want from him. He may have noticed but just be too overwhelmed to jump in and help. Tell him, point by point, what you need him to do.

Leave the garden project. It's not going anywhere. If you've got workmen planned, put them off for a bit. Unless the garden is actively dangerous for your DS, it's one thing you don't need right now.

Break the holiday planning down into small bits. I bet you are trying to get all the laundry done, clean the house top to bottom, sort out the itinerary, make bookings etc etc. Don't worry. If possible get a cleaner in for the day before you go to do the housework - or leave it. It's nice to come back to a clean home, not essential.

Just step off the merry go round for a couple of days. Breathe. You can probably manage work if you let everything else go a bit and get your DH (and your DS) on board with helping out.

Unless you are literally unconscious, you should ALWAYS call your own boss.
To get someone else to do it for you looks incredibly infantile.

You don't have to tell him the real reason you are off. Just say you've got a migraine, or food poisoning or something.

@Gaffertape101 ‘before I collapse ‘ ... Get a grip

Isn’t that what Saturday and Sunday are for?
I know I’m being a bit flippant and I don’t know your work patterns but that’s what I’d be thinking if someone called in sick because they were exhausted. Can’t you get DH to take the kids out on your next day off and leave you to sleep that day?
Otherwise call in sick but do it yourself.

Your garden project and holiday are leisure activities of your own pleasure and choosing.

The domestic stuff should be shared with your DH - is it?

Is taking a day’s leave an option? A day off your holiday allowance I mean.

Who’s going to look after the children if you’re in bed?

Have to say, as a boss, I’d not think favorably of you. If you need a break, request a day off - paid leave.

I think you need call in sick yourself or try and wait until the weekend and have a duvet day on saturday. You need your dh to pull his weight around the house so why dont you work today but get him to do everything non work related. Also the reality is that child care and work comes before holiday planning and garden projects so just cut those things out if you dont have time for them. Hope you feel better soon

Op you’re an adult, wanting your husband to tell your boss he’s noticed you’re just so exhausted he wants to let you sleep is childish and attention seeking and quite cringe.

Set your alarm, call your boss, explain you’re unwell and take a sick day.

Is your husband not doing his fair share? It sounds like you have so much going on and I also understand about wanting someone to notice and do some caring for you, to take the initiative and to share the load - or carry it even if it's just for a few hours.

Seems to me like this is the sort of thing your husband should do - does he not realise this? Have you talked about it? How much has he got going on?

Hope you get some rest!

Sounds like some of this is of your and your DH making. If things are that overwhelming why would you be undertaking a garden renovation project? Put it on hold. Write a list for holiday packing and give it to your DH to action.

You're not unreasonable but you say husband won't do it. It's 1005 now but you could have contacted boss yourself and just told him, then gone back to bed. I do sympathise with you.

Ring your boss yourself and say you’re sick, not exhausted.

You should call, but you also need time off and to discuss what both of you are doing, he needs to be pulling his weight more by the sound of it. I used to work with someone who was in an abuse relationship, her husband would call in sick for her, it turned out he wouldn't let her go to work if he had left marks on her face where they could be seen; please phone yourself. Not saying that's what is happening here of course, but from a welfare point of view its not good to have someone else phone unless you physically can't.

Why are you doing everything? Why can't he do half of it?

Book a couple of days leave or absolutely call in sick but do it yourself.

I hope you’re still in bed and having a lovely relaxing day. DH should be doing his share —you’re not meant to be the household slave. Tell your boss you simply have to have a day off before you collapse. Or get a note from your GP. No one should be worked to death.

So, you’ve over-scheduled your home life and not prioritised work and now want a day off? Wow, totally unacceptable - easily happens but you’re paid to work and you being a martyr at home isn’t your company’s fault. Take annual leave.

Like others have said, unless you are ambulanced to hospital and ventilated on ICU you call your boss yourself!

I do understand how you feel - I’m working full time in a hospital with 3dc being homeschooled by dh who is also working from home. He’s exhausted and so am I. We live for weekends and I’m crawling towards a week off in 2 weeks time having had 2 days Leave in 6 months and my back holidays cancelled. It’s hard but having a duvet day is immature and poor work ethic imo.

I can understand where you're coming from in wanting your DH to notice that you feel exhausted and like you're falling apart but this fantasy you've made up of him noticing you and leaving you to sleep won't happen even with prompting so you need to get practicing some self care. By all means take a sick day or two because you feel ill or whatever you want to say but take charge of this yourself. Rest, recover, reevaluate. I get it because I've totally overdone it and started experiencing horrible physical symptoms of tiredness, anxiety and stress. I booked Monday off for a long weekend but have actually had a stupid accident and now am off work anyway recovering. Its best to take the time for yourself when you need it or your body will find a way to slow you down. I sorted out work myself though. In 8 years I've only called in twice for DH - 1 migraine and 1 serious RTA.

I would not be impressed if my DH took it upon himself to decide I needed a rest and let me sleep in and called my boss. It’s my decision to make re when I do or do not go to work so personally I find what you’re saying totally odd.

Either take a sick day and tell DH you need to rest and he is in charge or book some annual leave and get a proper rest /focus on your other projects.

My husband has phoned in for me twice. Once when I had pneumonia and was hospitalised, the other when I had a migraine and couldn't speak without throwing up

As a manager I would find it so strange and unprofessional if an employees partner rang and said ‘oh she’s not coming in today she’s exhausted so I’m not going to wake her’ I wouldn’t even know what you put your absence down as if you’re run down put annual leave in, if your unwell call in sick, but don’t get someone else to it!

Sounds like DH is not pulling his weight, OP?