To stay in bed tomorrow and ask DH to contact my boss

[Gaffertape101]

I'm exhausted beyond exhausted - just Like many others are too probably. Currently managing working every day at home, looking after 2 DS 1 who is ASD, DH is also ASD, doing all the food shops, running the house, managing the finances and keeping everything ticking over, managing a garden renovation project, getting the family ready to go away and planning for it all. I just want to stay in bed tomorrow and ask DH to contact my boss (we work in same company) and say I'm exhausted physically and mentally and hes not waking me coz I need to rest before I collapse. He wont do it not even if I asked him.

We too have to phone in ourselves, it's stipulated in the sickness policy. If I was you I would just say that you're ill then go back to bed.

I would only expect DH to phone in for me if I physically couldn't, so hospital admission etc.

If you're needing time, just phone in, see your GP and get signed off if you need to.

Well if you are not working will you be left in bed? Or will you be doing some of those other things. You mentioned getting ready for going away if you have holiday coming up maybe possible to wait until then. Otherwise if you will be left to rest tomorrow tell your boss not well enough to work.
Know where you coming from re husband not noticing you need a break.
Mind yourself.
I got my husband to contact boss once to say I wouldn't be at work had just given birth realised I'm supposed to be in work in an hour they didn't see me for 6 months 😆

If you’re in the hospital, your husband can probably call them to inform them.

If you’re playing some domestic martyrdom card then you need to learn to communicate rather than be a drama llama and involve work.

If you are exhausted and want to call in sick, do that.

If you want attention, don’t involve work...

Why are you doing it all at home?

Your issue is with DH here. Most of the stuff you mentioned should be a burden you share with him, not one that falls entirely on you.

But if you’re going to throw a sickie at least be grown up enough to make your own choice and speak to your boss yourself.

Why are you going away and doing Renos if your THAT exhausted.
Ur lucky to have a job.

Men don’t notice much to be honest, they need clear concise instructions.

Some of your reasons are valid but the “garden renovation project” and getting ready for a holiday are piss-takey excuses for time off work, IMO. Can’t you wait until your holiday?

I wouldn’t bet your DH to call in. In my company it’s the employee that must call unless of course in hospital/unconscious.

YABU. There's no reason why you can't phone in so seems a bit odd that you expect your husband to phone in for you

I also don't get the need for everyone having to know just how exhausted you - do you want DH to phone and say "poor poor DW is so exhausted I just couldn't face waking her" ? If you want to pull a sickie then just pull a sickie don't make it into some big pity party.

I don't mean to sound harsh but talking about going away and "managing" () a garden project doesn't exactly sound like the problems of someone who is so utterly exhausted and run down they can't even face making a quick phone call.

Very unprofessional imo to get your husband to phone you boss and say u are basically too tired and drained to work. We all love (need) a duvet day from time to time. But u don't get your husband to phone.your boss and say that. He/she is paying u to do a job if u are too busy to do it that doesn't put u in a good light. Such it up and sleep at the weekend/have a early night or after work nap tomorrow. Forget the house work and order a takeaway if u need to. But don't have him phone and say u are sleeping in and he isnt wakening u. Looks unprofessional dramatic and doesn't say team.player. phone in sick yourself if u really need to. But say a migraine or something. Not my life is too busy so work is the ball I have picked to drop. FYI I understand your position life it a juggle sometime.

Think the point for me was not DH calling my boss but rather he - someone or anyone - has noticed how exhausted I am in every way and was thinking of me ie left me to sleep while they excused me from work

But all that does is display a huge lack of self-awareness and maturity on your part, OP. If you're so exhausted, you should have realised this yourself and shouldn't need another adult to decide you're not fit for work - be a grown up and explain to your boss.

YANBU for needing some time off.

YABU to suggest your DH should have any part in contacting your place of work.

YANBU to feel the need for a little nurturing and hand holding and some acknowledgement that life feels pretty shitty for you just now .
Use some time off to recharge your batteries and then really sit down and regroup, consider what had got you to this point, and what needs to change so this does not become a permanent state of affairs.
Take what control you can take over your circumstances and make necessary changes.
Speak to your DH, really talk, like 2 adults who are both in the same marriage, there to love and support each other.

You sound at the end of your rope and I wonder whether you are feeling abandoned emotionally by your DH, hence this rather odd request for him to call your work?

Got to love the massive "missing the point" on this.

YANBU to want someone, anyone, to notice and care

OP, as you know well, the day off isn't the point.

Why are you doing everything around the house? What does your husband do to make your life easier? Why are you alone in this?

In the short-term, though, I'd non-negotiably take a sick day (or annual leave if you have to), close the door, and not do anything for a whole day. If you think of something you have to do, jot it down, but don't do it. Just focus on yourself.

I get what you’re saying and it’s understandable you need some rest, it seems like your husband needs to be doing a lot more so you should probably sit down and talk to him about how you’re feeling, work tomorrow and then call your GP in the afternoon to ask for a sick note and say you’re struggling with your mental health. You’ll get two weeks off automatically.

But, call your boss yourself. My bowel perforated and I nearly died and I still called my boss to let him know I wasn’t going to be working... for a while. If someone phoned in for me and said I was just too exhausted I would probably be facing the sack. Take responsibility, and then sort your stuff out.

Ring your boss and say you are unwell and cannot work today.

YANBU for wanting someone to notice and care. You might have to look beyond your DH for this aspect of your relationship if he is ASD.

You would be unreasonable to make him phone in on your behalf. As many pp have said already.

This is all very odd. I’d be absolutely mortified if DP didn’t wake me up and called my boss to tell him I was too tired to work today so he was letting me sleep in.

Similarly, if I did the same to him and told one of his clients he was too tired today, he’d be fuming. If you’re tired take some annual leave or a sick day if you’re genuinely ill.

Hun if you are feeling this exhausted, i would ring them yourself and explain that you are off to see a doctor for fatigue. Not alike as you should also be seeing doctor for fatigue by the sounds of it.

Sorry you’re so exhausted at the moment. But I don’t think partners/spouses should ‘decide’ if their other half is too ill to work and call in on their behalf - that’s not their decision to make. If my partner was sleeping in on a workday I wouldn’t assume ‘oh he’s not well enough to go in today, I’ll tell his boss and let him sleep’ - I would wake him and find out what’s going on.

Ha- my ex used to put the pathetic voice on and make me phone in sick for him like I was his mother (professional job). Good to know they would have rolled their eyes there as much as I did at the Dressing Gown Of Doom.

@Gaffertape101, it sounds like you need to call yourself. You do need a day off, by the sound of it.

If the op had had a mh crisis no one would think it was odd if a spouse called in.

This to me anyway sounds like she is on the very edge of tipping into not really not ok.

If your husband is ok calling let him but actually I think the bigger issue is you need to have a proper conversation with him about the reality of how you are feeling and how serious it is, Not only that but if you can also ask for what you need him to do to help you or support you so you can regain some resilience back which will give you some oomph to get back on track.

I know when you feel this fragile that you just want someone to notice and not to have to point it out (when to you it should be incredibly obvious) but the truth is most humans even lovely ones don't notice or at least don't notice enough to think it's appropriate to step in until things become serious or someone hits proper crisis.
That is why when someone has a breakdown or tries to hurt or kill them selves the reaction is one of surprise or I knew they were struggling but I never imagined it was that bad.

I'm obviously not suggesting things are that serious for you but at the same time you are obviously not ok either so you have to take the reins and get some control before it tips into something you can no longer manage.

I really hope things feel better for you soon gaffer

Inappropriate to ask someone else to contact your boss for this unless you’re incapable. But YANBU to want some TLC when you’re exhausted.