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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay in bed tomorrow and ask DH to contact my boss

129 replies

Gaffertape101 · 14/07/2020 23:18

I'm exhausted beyond exhausted - just Like many others are too probably. Currently managing working every day at home, looking after 2 DS 1 who is ASD, DH is also ASD, doing all the food shops, running the house, managing the finances and keeping everything ticking over, managing a garden renovation project, getting the family ready to go away and planning for it all. I just want to stay in bed tomorrow and ask DH to contact my boss (we work in same company) and say I'm exhausted physically and mentally and hes not waking me coz I need to rest before I collapse. He wont do it not even if I asked him.

OP posts:
managedmis · 15/07/2020 01:54

Just call in sick

SeaToSki · 15/07/2020 02:18

OP. Im glad you posted and Im so sorry everyone seems to be missing the point.

Sometimes you just want someone to take some of the burden off your shoulders, even just for a day. Sometimes the burden is just too heavy for you to even think you can out it down yourself and just plodding on is all you can do. Sometimes you just want someone to say, sit down, I will take care of you for a little while

I remember once when my dc were little I went for a manicure (which I never ever do as it always chips so fast that it seems like a waste). When they got to the bit where they massaged my hands I almost burst into tears. My hands spent every waking minute doing for others that it was inconceivable to me that they would be able to relax and be cared for even for 5 mins.

OP please can you carve out 20 mins of every day for yourself. Just sit in a quiet spot (in the car alone if no where else) and just breath and do nothing. If you dont look after yourself, you cant look after others

heartsonacake · 15/07/2020 04:31

Yep, YABU. Especially if you work for the same company; it will make you both look bad and like you’re taking the piss.

eaglejulesk · 15/07/2020 04:38

Just phone your boss and say you are ill and won't be working. Tell your husband you need some help with your tasks - and why on earth are you managing a garden renovation project if you are already too busy?

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 15/07/2020 04:44

Besides the point but I don't think my husband would have a clue who to ring at my work if I were incapacitated He knows vaguely I work at a university but not the names of any of my colleagues or boss.

SD1978 · 15/07/2020 04:48

I'd say absolutely not. You're an adult. Talk to your boss yourself. I understand you're overwhelmed at the moment, but after telling your boss you need to sit down and work out how your husband can help more- his diagnosis is not an excuse to leave everything to you.

DianaT1969 · 15/07/2020 04:51

Sounds like you need to book some annual leave. This week.

Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 15/07/2020 04:55

Could he write an email and send from your account? At least that way it looks like it's come from you.

I think it's a really bad idea to get someone else to ring in on your behalf to say they are letting you sleep in because you're exhausted. It makes you both look bad.

custardbear · 15/07/2020 05:07

Are you based in the UK? if so then why are you soooooo exhausted but up at 11:30?

Take some holiday time, and get your DH to do sons work too

Also call yourself, don't be pathetic, take responsibility. If you're so knackered then make arrangements to get family etc to help with the kids for few days, change to part time working or just take some holiday leave appropriately

Longtalljosie · 15/07/2020 05:12

I think the bigger issue is you want your DH to see how exhausted you are. He’s in the same position. Is he exhausted?

Mydogisthebestest · 15/07/2020 05:18

I’m sorry your husband is so unsupportive.

Why is he not pulling his weight?

(We too have to phone in ourselves. It’s in the sickness policy. But that’s not your issue really.)

upsidedownwavylegs · 15/07/2020 05:23

I’d find it beyond sinister if a female employee’s husband phoned up to say she wasn’t coming in and she was too exhausted to come to the phone.

I don’t think you actually want that though, it sounds like you just want someone to notice and care that you’re shattered. I know where you’re coming from. Hope things pick up soon Flowers

Caterinaballerina · 15/07/2020 07:11

It sounds to me like you are fixating on the sleeping in element of this sick day, if you have to ring then you will have to wake up. If you do ring is there a way of managing expectations that you’ll be taking at least a couple of days so you do get one lie in the next day? Do you need this or just a guaranteed lie in at the weekend?

RedskyAtnight · 15/07/2020 08:14

(From an employer point of view) Everyone is tired with juggling everything at the moment. I'd encourage you to take annual leave, but it sounds like you are soon anyway. It's not my issue that you are (e.g.) managing a garden renovation project.

(From a husband point of view) Tell your husband you are exhausted. Explicitly offload some tasks on to him (how much planning does going away take?). Stop doing anything that isn't absolutely essential. Agree a divide of tasks while you are away so you do get a break.

Perch · 15/07/2020 08:21

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate but your life choices (holiday, planning, packing, garden project) really should have no bearing on doing your job, that is your business not theirs. Take a day’s AL.
As for calling your boss, you should do that.

Original poster
Gaffertape101 · 15/07/2020 08:25

@SeaToSki - you totally got it, that's what I meant exactly. Xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Gaffertape101 · 15/07/2020 08:26

@upsidedownwavylegs - totally xxx

OP posts:
RebeccaPearson · 15/07/2020 08:26

I’m prone to bouts of laryngitis. When I get it, I can’t speak. And I don’t mean I can croak my way through a phone call. I mean absolutely no sound comes out when I try to speak.

In my last place of work, my boyfriend phoned in for me during one such bout. He had to - they wouldn’t have been able to hear me!! He explained this on the call.

When I went back to work a few days later (feeling ok but still with barely any voice) I was given a verbal warning for not calling in myself.

I mean 🤷🏻‍♀️

SarahBellam · 15/07/2020 08:30

A lot of what you describe has nothing to do with work so I’d take a days annual leave. Then I’d sit your DH down and give him the bollocking of his life. He is supposed to be doing half of the chores. He needs to step up - assign chores if you have to. I refuse to believe men are idiots who can’t tell when the vacuuming needs to be done. They manage to hold down responsible jobs a lot of the time. But many of them are lazy and entitled, thinking and expecting that anything to do with the home is beneath them. That shit needs to stop.

Frownette · 15/07/2020 08:32

Gaffertape101 did you manage to call in?

Original poster
Gaffertape101 · 15/07/2020 08:34

@Ginkypignky - thank you xx

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 15/07/2020 08:34

Then I’d sit your DH down and give him the bollocking of his life.

SarahBellam He’s an adult, not a child. You don’t get to “bollock” your partner. If you don’t like his behaviour you have a chat about it and if nothing changes decide if that’s a dealbreaker.

GinDrinker00 · 15/07/2020 08:35

That doesn’t really have anything to do with your job though, it’s not their fault you’re doing a garden project and going away just ring your own boss. Rather childish to get your husband to ring in for you - you’re not a child so don’t behave like one.

Playmysong · 15/07/2020 08:46

@Gaffertape101

I'm exhausted beyond exhausted - just Like many others are too probably. Currently managing working every day at home, looking after 2 DS 1 who is ASD, DH is also ASD, doing all the food shops, running the house, managing the finances and keeping everything ticking over, managing a garden renovation project, getting the family ready to go away and planning for it all. I just want to stay in bed tomorrow and ask DH to contact my boss (we work in same company) and say I'm exhausted physically and mentally and hes not waking me coz I need to rest before I collapse. He wont do it not even if I asked him.
I misread your opening thread and thought it was your husband who was doing all those other things you mentioned and to be honest thought you were taking the piss about being exhausted! I reread and see it is you who are doing all those things and think WHY ISN’T your husband doing all those other things?

Why are you “managing a garden renovation project” if you are so exhausted? Why are you “getting the family ready to go away and planning for it all” if you are so exhausted? What exactly is your husband doing, if you are so exhausted? There are 2 of you in this marriage, 2 of you to share the load, so why aren’t there 2 of you splitting the things that need to be done? Is your DH still working, you haven’t said? Irrespective of that, what is he doing?

It sounds like you will be having AL soon, so until then, get your DH to step up and actually do his share of the things that need done! Forget about the “garden renovation project” just now, it isn’t more important than your health!

YABmassivelyU to want your DH to phone in for you!

TW2013 · 15/07/2020 08:50

I broke my back and still contacted work myself. You do need to talk with dh though. You need to outsource some of the work, whether to paid help or dh.