Is being fat a choice?

[notevenamum1]

This has all been triggered from a post I read on here the other day that was based around how short men must feel how fat women do when it comes to dating. There was a comment made about how it was worse for the men because they had not chosen to be short. Now this blaze comment about how being fat is a choice really sent me down a rabbit hole.

I think this is probably easy to say if you are someone who has never struggled with weight before but if you are someone like me who has struggled and yo-yo’d with their weight their whole life then they would beg to differ. I am both tall and fat, I have in the past been slim(mer) but it was a hell of a battle to get there and was unsustainable to stay there. Even now I am 5ft8, 14stone and convince myself that I am a size 14...I have to be mindful of what I eat every day, and exercise regularly or I would be even larger than I am now.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Is being “fat” a choice?

@aufaitaccompli

I have to say I'm devastated to read Laurie's post re the consultation she had. Zero chance of keeping it off if BMI over 35 I think the surgeon said.

It's knocked the hope clean out of me.
Hope of ever feeling better, less tired, fitter, more attractive, longer life.

I'm fucked. Because whatever way its sliced and diced, I'll only put the weight on again once/if I lose any.

I feel bloody awful now.

Don't lose hope. My BMI was just over 35, I lost nearly 5 stones to be in the healthy weight category. I've kept it off for 2 years now, and have no intentions of putting it back on again. I did it without surgery as well. Just a normal diet eating normal foods and being active. And I'm post menopause as well. To answer the OP, yes it is a choice for most people. I think there's this dangerous attitude creeping in that putting on weight is something that just 'happens' to us - especially to women, something that is beyond our control. No it isn't. I do actually put weight on very easily so I have to be careful and be as active as possible, but I'm not giving into it.

I do think it’s disheartening to hear that some people would look at me and think I am this way because I am greedy and lazy...i know nobody has said that directly and you’re all very good with your words...but I also appreciate the honesty

But no one DID say that OP. Are you trying really REALLY hard to read that into people’s words ?

Why do you want to think that everyone is judging you? Because unless you are morbidly obese, most people won’t even notice or care about your weight . The average woman in the Uk is now overweight, people are used to seeing larger women everywhere .

I’m not saying that no one ever in your life has ever said anything mean or silently judged you. But that’s the same for everyone.

People saying “ yes, most people can make choices about what they eat and how they move “ is just FACT.

Yes, staying a healthy weight is harder for people who have certain medial conditions or disabilities or who have disordered eating. No one has said it’s the same for everyone.

But there’s always someone who has it harder than you.

But it’s illogical to walk around thinking “ everyone thinks I’m greedy and lazy “. It’s almost as if you want to think that so you can justify being overweight .

“ well if everyone thinks I’m greedy then I might as well eat this whole pizza and fuck them”.

You are wasting all your energy fighting other people’s opinions that are all in your head and arguing that it’s not your fault and you can’t control anything.

Your pity party isn’t helping you.

Sorry if you find this harsh but someone has to say it to you. I’m expecting a personal attack for doing so but before you do - why don’t you think about my words and ask if they are true? Before posting saying how fat / ugly / stupid/ bigoted/ hateful/ lacking in understanding I am.

Most people see anorexia as a mental health problem, so why is obesity a choice? I think it's also a mental health problem. Andcdotally I couldn't lose weight till I had lots of therapy for my PTSD and depression, after that I slowly lost weight without doing anything soecial about it.

I think this is an excellent point. I wonder whether the 11k per person spent on surgical procedures would sometimes be better spent on mental health. Is anyone aware of any research into this?

Yes unless a medical problem

Btw, nobody respectable thinks people are obese because they are fat and lazy. most people are obese because of bad choices. We all make bad choices, just often with less dire consequences (and sometimes with much worse consequences). I’m thankful that my diet choices are generally good, my fashion choices are an entirely topic - but luckily without bad consequences.

Most people see anorexia as a mental health problem, so why is obesity a choice

I think there is a difference between obesity and morbid obesity or severe obesity.

Many people. Myself included have been over weight. Likely clinically classified as obese. That was down to nothing more than eating too much and not moving enough, millions are the same, it’s lifestyle choice.

To say anyone who registers as obese, has no choice takes away personal responsibility and devalues our own experiences where really it was about lifestyle.

Yes for most people, excluding some with medical conditons. Though some people are naturally skinny and some gain weight easier.

And
“ well if everyone thinks I’m greedy then I might as well eat this whole pizza and fuck them”.
you are not loosing weight for others, you are doing it for YOUR health, for your future. Punishing yourself for what others think is not a good choice. You are the main person benefitting from a healthy lifestyle (well, and your potential future carers and nurses)

Yes, I am slightly over weight because I drink to much wine, dont eat the right food and dont excercise much and could shift it if I tried, my friend is very over weight, she did have a thyroid problem which is now sorted but she does ZERO excercise and eats huge portions

I have two ds. Ds1 tends to put on weight and ds2 doesn’t.
I’ve noticed that ds1 deals with carbs less well than ds2.
He puts on weight fairly quickly if he eats too much bread and cakes whereas ds2 is a total toast fiend and doesn’t put on any extra weight.
I do think some of us don’t do well with too many carbs or wheat. Including myself. Although it seems like we’re not eating too much, it might just be too much of the wrong thing for us.

No one wants to be overweight - it’s not a choice

It’s not a choice in the same way that we wouldn’t say untreated anxiety is a choice.

Obesity can be the end result of many ingrained, complication behaviours and reactions to food.

Think of this:
You grow up in a household where you are constantly given food. You are given snacks. There’s always too much on your plate. You are told to clear your plate before you can dessert - which you then have. If you are sad, bored, tired - have a snack, etc.

Family get-togethers are big, social food events where everyone has a lovely time over food and drink. You like to have those get-togethers often as they make you happy.

Those are just two examples of how you end up with ingrained behaviours. The first starts before you have the choice - where someone tells you how to live/ think. I wonder how many of us still clear a plate where we visit other people? It’s impolite not too when you’ve been told you’re entire life that you must eat everything.

The second situation is a means to an end - like a sequence of events. The end - having that social, happy time with friends or family. The means - the feast that goes along with it.

And people don’t just have the one or two experiences- food choices are influenced in the media, by friends and family, by availability of choice in restaurants, by advertising, by supermarket ‘special offers’, and the list goes on. Overtime, we start to alter our behaviours and changing them again is really difficult to do unless we can alter our mindsets which is rarely just a choice. We usually need direction and support to make choices which counter of ingrained behaviours.

@Bluntness100

Most people see anorexia as a mental health problem, so why is obesity a choice

I think there is a difference between obesity and morbid obesity or severe obesity.

Many people. Myself included have been over weight. Likely clinically classified as obese. That was down to nothing more than eating too much and not moving enough, millions are the same, it’s lifestyle choice.

To say anyone who registers as obese, has no choice takes away personal responsibility and devalues our own experiences where really it was about lifestyle.

This is spot on. That's why people talking about their experience which doesn't fit the "not our fault" narrative disappear of the threads fairly quickly.

@CardsforKittens

I keep hearing people say that only a small minority of people are fat because of health problems. I don’t think that’s very convincing, especially considering the prevalence of mental heath difficulties and the association of antidepressants with weight gain. Add to this the many many medical conditions that can cause weight gain, from arthritis to PCOS and dozens of others. And then so many medications are associated with weight gain, from biologics (arthritis) to insulin (diabetes). It doesn’t look much like a small minority to me.

Agreed. It's another small way of keeping people in a box. Making sweeping statements such as everyone can help it except for a teensy minority of medical rarities is just another way of being judgmental and is really saying that the average fat person is a greedy bastard. When you're out judging fat people in the street how do you differentiate between the greedy bastards who eat sausage roll and chocolate without even realising and those who have an extremely rare unnameable medical condition? I have disabilities, I am overweight. Nobody would know I have disabilities and struggle to put one foot. In front of the other but I do things regardless because I have no choice. I also have mental health issues and take neuropathic drugs which literally *change the way the brain tells the body to hold on to fat cells' Judgmental narrow minded people are going to look at me and say I'm fat, not 'she looks like she's in the 3% of people with incredibly rare medical conditions'.

Up until 4 weeks ago I was 2 stone overweight. Now I am down to 1.5 stone due to healthy eating. I didn't "choose" to be fat, but there are consequences of what I ate and the little activity I partook in. I spent lockdown drinking wine every night, eating chocolate and resting. Now I a stone on top of the extra stone I had.

So, not so much a choice, but more consequences. Just by eating normal a half stone has fell off. I would say that most of the people I know who are overweight, are so because they eat too much, drink too much booze and don't do any exercise.

Grumbly tummies only grumble for a short while and then they go quiet. So you absolutely can dampen ghrelin down and the quickest way to do that is stop eating carbs.

For me I just love the taste of food. I’m often not hungry for lunch but I know I like the taste of it and I want to eat it. Problem is once I get a taste for something it’s really easy for me to over eat it. So I have to be very careful about starting to eat and what I’ve prepared.

I've also realised one thing. It seems that people who run mention often how they run, but still need minimum of calories or are overweight. As I am not a exercise person (though I have to now) I wonder if maybe exercise is not all equal? I feel lile maybe weights should be more promoted to women it appears they have generally really good feedback from people.

Sometimes, sometimes not. I was a very slim (5tf 9 and size 8) teenager, in my 30s I started putting on weight with no increase to my food intake or decrease in activity. I went to GP and (after about a year of hounding then) finally got diagnosed with an under active thyroid. I went up to a size 16 and now I’m medicated I’m back down to a 12. Absolutely nothing about that was a choice but people still laugh about thyroid disorders... sarcastic comments about how an overweight person might have one har har. Well actually they might do.

In my 20s*

@Newdaynewname1

Behavioural nutrition researcher here (i.e. I spend my days observing what people eat). To me the top reasons are

• loads of ignorance/lack of education. People just don’t check calories
• massive portion sizes (too much healthy food makes you fat as well). starting with kids being given adult portion sizes. Getting smaller plates helps.
• demonisation of some foods, glorification of others (portion size is more important than what you eat for your weight)
• not counting “small stuff” lime dressings and sauces. a salad drowned in dressing is fairly bad for you
• if you don’t want to eat it, don’t buy it
• bad habits, i.e. people don’t even realise they snack a lot (my favourite case was a lady who ate 200g of chocolate a day - without ever noticing)
• choice - yes, its hard. Being healthy means conscious choice for healthy options and healthy portion sizes
• overestimating activity. 10 minutes walking a day isn’t an awful lot

This is a very good post. This basically covers how I lost weight.

Thank you @Newdaynewname1

I suppose if you ask someone like myself who is morbidly obese if they would like to lose 5 stone in 6 months or over the course of a year, we are always going to want the quicker fix ! From a pyschological point of view a quicker, larger weight loss makes you feel more likely to achieve your goal and might therefore be more motivating ?

It is good @feelingverylazytoday.
It's an accurate description of how i went from 12-22.

As somebody who has been morbidly obese, and is now a 21 BMI (sustained for 6 years now, even through a pregnancy) I can say with pretty much certainty that yes it is a choice!

The problem is, it doesn’t feel like a choice at the time so I understand why so many people take offence to this. It tends to be a vicious circle, for me a traumatic even lead to comfort eating, weight piled on and then I was depressed (largely because I was fat) so I couldn’t find the motivation to change. If someone had offered me a button to press and be a size 10 I obviously would have pressed it so I wasn’t ‘choosing’ to be fat, I didn’t ‘want’ to be fat and I’d have got very angry if anyone insinuated that being fat was my preference. I was desperate to be thin but I wasn’t prepared to change my eating habits or lifestyle choices.

Now I can see very clearly that my size was a choice. Every time I snaffled a pack of biscuits or a family sized bar or chocolate, every time I ate pizza 3 times a week or had seconds and thirds of an already well sized meal - that was a choice!

There are some Medical exceptions, medications and conditions which effect appetite/metabolism and those (rate) circumstances are different but 90% of obese people, it’s a choice!

Is being “fat” a choice?

I guess it depends on your definition of the words ‘fat’ and ‘choice’.
All I know is that the older I get the more difficult it is to keep the weight off and when I do lose it I have no control where it goes from.

So despite exercising regularly and eating reasonably well, I’ve ended up with slim arms and legs and a large waist.

I’m unhappy with my figure but I wouldn’t say I’m ‘fat‘. I’ve had two children in 4 years and as a result put on and lost 6 stone in that time.
Obviously my body doesn’t look the same as it did before but the way it looks now isn’t my ‘choice’ either.

"I guess anyone (without health conditions) can lose weight, it’s staying at a healthy weight without having to monitor every single mouthful which can be really challenging for some people, in my opinion."

It's not that challenging, but it does take willpower.
I'm 5'8" and weigh between 9.7 st and 10 st, and my BMI is around 21.
A year ago I started a diet which got me down nearly four stone (I was a size 18 at nearly fourteen stone). I'm now a size 10.
I eat well, and have three meals a day. I don't eat sugar, processed food and only eat wholegrain carbs. I eat a lot of veg. I maintain my weight loss on around 1800 calories a day.

Portion control is key - and eating the right foods - then it isn't a challenge because you are satisfied with the foods you eat.

Losing the sugar habit and the snacks was the key for me. Now it's a way of life.