Is being fat a choice?

[notevenamum1]

This has all been triggered from a post I read on here the other day that was based around how short men must feel how fat women do when it comes to dating. There was a comment made about how it was worse for the men because they had not chosen to be short. Now this blaze comment about how being fat is a choice really sent me down a rabbit hole.

I think this is probably easy to say if you are someone who has never struggled with weight before but if you are someone like me who has struggled and yo-yo’d with their weight their whole life then they would beg to differ. I am both tall and fat, I have in the past been slim(mer) but it was a hell of a battle to get there and was unsustainable to stay there. Even now I am 5ft8, 14stone and convince myself that I am a size 14...I have to be mindful of what I eat every day, and exercise regularly or I would be even larger than I am now.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Is being “fat” a choice?

Yes and no. Very much depends on the circumstances.

However it has been well established that people do discriminate against/judge people for being fat - with a subconscious bias of that person being lazy, greedy and/or stupid. It's why there's lots of medical discrimination against fat people and fat people are less likely to get hired or promoted at work.

Sad but it's the reality of things at the moment.

I've been overweight, obese, anorexic, severely underweight, hospitalised (in the early 80's before the treatment was anything like it is now). I've also been a normal weight for the past three decades including through menopause. Occasionally I feel it slipping away from me for a few days but then I take control again. For me, it's a choice - a very hard one and I wish it weren't necessary, it's a bit of a curse that I don't have automatic appetite control (as my kids thankfully do) but it's definitely within my control to be whatever weight I want to be. For me, I know it's about portion control, because I have never liked unhealthy food anyway.

It is really not fat phobic at all to state that. It may be uncomfortable to hear, but it is far more unkind to allow people to fool themselves that the truth is not the truth. It doesn't mean that people don't value others for their qualities no matter what their body type is, or that there are some medications/drugs that do influence weight.

Portion size is definitely my downfall ! I still have an unopened box of maltesers someone bought me 5 weeks ago, there are biscuits in the cupboard and I won't eat any of them, not my thing. I will always have four slices of toast though ! Or I might eat nothing until teatime and then have a massive portion of pasta, think four fistfuls. And then there is the wine ......

So we don’t have time to cook, the newer generation hasn’t learned to cook, we sit down more, and are bombarded by sugary crap at every step. But sure, let’s blame the individual
Maybe if people spent less time in front of screens, social media, forums, Netflix etc...people would find the time to cook. It IS a choice to pick the former over the latter.

It is our choice to pick crap food at the supermarket, it is our choice not to do a 1/2 gym session every day or so.

Let's blame the individual because it is the individual making the wrong choices. This constant blaming of society for the choices people make is what is polluting our lives. We have more options and knowledge than ever and yet it's never our fault.

I do have to say that losing weight during the menopause is certainly another challenge! Multiplies the difficulty level by 5. Still possible though just over a longer timescale and even more restrictive choices.

this is why I'm overweight as I've been eating 1500 calories a day or thereabouts for 20 years
If you do a reasobable level of exercise, you should be burning 1800 calories at least a day average.

I think, in 90% of cases, yes.

But really, it's the fault of many, many, tiny wrong choices, over the period of many, many years.
It's the having 3 biscuits with coffee instead of 2.
It's getting the double mcmuffin rather than the single.
It's buying the full fat mayo, rather than the light.
It's putting 300g of cheese in a recipe that only called for 280g.

It's not that anyone sat down and thought, "you know what? I'm going to be fat, and I don't care." It's that they made the wrong decisions, over and over again.

And it's also deciding not to do anything about it when you feel yourself getting bigger.

It certainly doesn't feel like a choice OP, no matter what the general consensus. I recall an interview with Fay Wheldon (author for those too young to know who she is), always quite hefty, always on a hopeless diet. At the time of interview she was in her eighties. Talking about fat she said she'd been trying to lose weight for most of her life. There she was, 80 plus, still on a diet. . Still trying to lose weight. I'll stick with the poundage.

I watched ‘that sugar film’ the other day and it’s really changed my view on this. I think big companies push their ‘health’ foods and control the media so that even when we think we are making the right choices we are in fact in a cycle of being addicted to the wrong foods, trying to lose weight and beating ourselves up whilst getting bigger. There’s less money made in unprocessed foods, fruit, vegetables and whole cuts of meat so they don’t want us eating it. I might be brainwashed but I think sugar is the real problem.

I honestly thought people had more understanding of disabilities and MH issues. It saddens me to see that fat (which is often a consequence Of both) is still judged greedy, lazy etc and doesn’t have that understanding applied to it.

People saying they’ve tried everything to lose weight and are still overweight, have you tried different diets (eg paleo, IF, LCHF) as things that work for me don’t work for my friends. Also mixing your workouts up, adding in strength training and HIIT? It’s hard work but staying in shape is, especially as you get older! I put 5 stone on when pregnant so I know how easy it is to overeat and how hard it is to get off but that’s why I do believe it’s a choice.

So we don’t have time to cook, the newer generation hasn’t learned to cook

I don’t agree. You can whip up a healthy meal in 20 minutes that doesn’t involve any skill (trust me ) It’s always priorities.

I suppose you have to get into the philosophy of what ‘free choice’ actually is.

Knowledge of nutrition and exercise is generally very poor as is motivation.

People are constantly posting things on Mumsnet like ‘I’d have to restrict my eating and exercise all the time to be thin and I don’t want to live like that’. Well that is the choice you’re making, restrict food or be overweight. The majority of women only need about 1400 cals a day. If I eat more than that, I pile weight on. I have been overweight and I am now a healthy BMI. I’ve learned to eat food which is tasty, nutritious and filling within those calorie counts. I still have treats, but have them less regularly and I control the portion size. I have learned to say no when sometimes I’d like to say yes. It’s a choice between a bit of tasty food or my health.

Interestingly, I have retrained my brain and my appetite. I have learned signals, like when I am tired and can’t be bothered cooking, I crave high calorie, fast foods.

With regards to exercise, I am baffled by the number of people I have seen on Facebook recently doing things like the 10k a day step challenge. 10k is the recommended MINIMUM. We have become a nation of people who drive everywhere. I have a car but make every effort not to use it. My neighbours think my DH and I are bizarre because we regularly walk or bike quite far instead of driving. It’s so good for you’re mental well-being and whilst you’re exercising, you’re probably not eating....

I have overweight colleagues who I have noticed take every opportunity to sit down or avoid the stairs. I know since losing weight, I have more energy, so I guess they are probably more easily exhausted.

I choose to do my job on my feet. I choose not to sit and watch Netflix for hours or spend all day on the internet. I force myself to go for a run when I can’t be bothered. It’s not always the choice I would rather do, but I know I’ll feel better in the long run. I don’t want to end up tired and exhausted or ill because I’ve put weight on.

*your not you’re 🙄

Mydogisthebestest

But weight, disability and mental health are linked. You put on weight, you feel rubbish (I hesitate to use the term depressed here). Or you are depressed and take medication for it. You put on weight. Your joints suffer. You become pre-diabetic and then diabetic.

At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own health.

And thyroid issues too - they make it harder to lose weight, so that just means you have to try harder. It's a lame excuse. I say this as someone who has little thyroid function due to radioactive iodine treatment for Graves disease.

@Crunchymum

It's a very complicated issue for some and is a genuine eating disorder.

It just doesn't garner the same sympathy and people who have never had weight issues (being overweight) just do not understand.

Eat less, move more is correct but when you cannot pick your body and soul out of the gutter it isnt so easy.

Fat people overeat but the issue is WHY do they overeat and 99% of the time there is a triggering / sad / situational reason.

MN is not friendly or supportive to fat people so I expect (if you've enabled voting) the vast majority will say it is a choice, whilst judging the discusting fatties

You aren't alone there @crunchymum I exercise much much more than most people I know, and don't eat very much and I'm fat. It runs in my family, we have to eat very little and move loads and loads to keep a normal weight (I'm talking an intense workout most days plus walking around most of the day). I have friends who eat McDonald's all day and haven't exercised for years who are way slimmer than me. It's just a fact of life for me, and I just feel glad that I am fit and active despite being fat (I am also concentrating hard on losing weight).

For some it is a choice for others it isn't. Also all choices are not equal, for 2 people, both exercise the same amount, eat the same 1 could be a healthy weight and 1 could be very overweight.
I can lose and gain weight, fairly easily. However if I eat over 1000 cals a day and don't exercise a lot I gain weight, if i stixk to 900 cals, exerxise a couple of hours at least 5 x a week I can lose or maintain my weight.
So yes I can chose to be fat or slim but if my mental health isn't in a good place I can't sustain it ans gain weight then enter r the horrible spiral of feeling crap about myself so struggle to follow the strict exercise and diet that allows me to maintain a healthy weight.

@Facemasks

Mydogisthebestest

But weight, disability and mental health are linked. You put on weight, you feel rubbish (I hesitate to use the term depressed here). Or you are depressed and take medication for it. You put on weight. Your joints suffer. You become pre-diabetic and then diabetic.

At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own health.

And thyroid issues too - they make it harder to lose weight, so that just means you have to try harder. It's a lame excuse. I say this as someone who has little thyroid function due to radioactive iodine treatment for Graves disease.

So I have to take personal responsibility for the drunk driver who crashed into me, causing me to become disabled?

Wow.

dontdisturbmenow

I'm short with arthritis in both knees and one hip
Have never been able to run and now walking over 13000 steps is too much (takes me 2 hours to do that so only manage it a couple of times a week)

I was doing aqua aerobics 3 times a week - gym now been shut 5 months 🤷‍♀️

I have steroid injections in my knees to keep me being able to walk - couldn't have them from December til last week (was due them in March)

It is a Herculean feat that given the above I have managed not to put weight on by eating 1400 calories a day in the last 5-6 months

But I'm sure you can appreciate that actually LOSING would be impossible in the last six months

I have friends who eat McDonald's all day and haven't exercised for years who are way slimmer than me. It's just a fact of life for me, and I just feel glad that I am fit and active despite being fat (I am also concentrating hard on losing weight).

If this is true, then they will still likely face lots of health issues when they are older as an obese inactive person. It’s just not as obvious to the average onlooker.

I exercise and eat well for my health. The bonus is I like the look of my slimmer body, but honestly, I am more thrilled by the energy and capability that it has when I fuel and maintain it. My mental health, my relationships and my stress levels are all much better too.

Food is the one addiction you can’t give up. I can lose weight easily, but putting it back on is even easier. I’ve dropped a stone and a half in 3 weeks (I have a lot to lose), it takes self control, but it can be done. Trouble is, it’s a life long commitment and if you weren’t brought up healthily, it”s sodding tricky to maintain. Group eg Slimming World, definitely is helpful, much like any other addiction group. Support from family can be key, too.

Forgive me if this has already been mentioned, as I'm hesitant to navigate though the land mines in any previous posts, but it's very much worth considering the fact (and yes I do consider this a fact) that different diets work for different people. Conversely, some diets just do not work for some people. And often, when they're trying a diet and it's failing, they're convinced that they in turn cannot lose weight. I'm not really sure how much of a 'choice' it is when you give up at that stage. We're only human. I have learned that diets like low carb, low fat, all the ones that some people swear by, just DO NOT work for me. The only thing that has ever worked for me is calorie restriction. That is how I lost a good few stone in the past. Weirdly, for me, exercise doesn't encourage faster weight loss. I still do it, but I'm very aware that I will lose the same amount of weight if I sat on the sofa all day. God knows why. Then, I have a friend for whom calorie restriction just doesn't work! The only thing that's ever worked for him is low carb! He's tried my diet and I've tried his. I've looked into if it's a male/female thing but I'm undecided. It's just the way it is, regardless, and I don't blame him for previously giving up calorie restriction and exercise and gaining weight because it 'just didn't work'. He's a human being and he needed support to find his own way forward.

@Mydogisthebestest
So I have to take personal responsibility for the drunk driver who crashed into me, causing me to become disabled? Wow.

I’m sorry that you have faced some hardships that clearly make it more difficult for you than the average person to lose weight. It is a fact that overeating and lack of activity increases weight. Most people can do something to address this. I am sure that there are people (perhaps like yourself) who have a lot less choice in the matter.

There was a guy who eat only maccies for a whole and he lost weight. But! He was NOT healthy.

You know maccies big mac has less calories than many restaurant salads?

of course it’s a choice. I say this as a formerly VERY fat person. Who chose to change

I never put dressing on my salads. Don’t touch fruit juice or fizzy drinks. Don’t snack. No cakes, biscuits or crisps. Still overweight. Still I guess it’s my choice.

There are undoubtedly lifestyle choices but it’s really not as simple as that, is it?
If a child is reared in a hostile and cold environment they may bear the consequences throughout adulthood. People are sympathetic generally. If a child is reared in a nutritionally negligent environment and has learned food is a comfort, a reward, a sign of love then they are likely to be fat adults. People become nasty and judgemental.

There are conditions that make it much harder, there are drugs that make it harder. Peoples genetics come into play. Peoples affluence and mental health come into play.

The answer is not to blame, berate and discriminate against people but to be kind and encouraging when people try to lose weight.

Interestingly whilst undoubtedly it poses a degree of risk to health, there is research that shows better life expectancy for people who are moderately overweight.

The whole anaesthetic risk thing is just nastiness; people don’t generally die because of anaesthetic in this country without being pretty frail before surgery. Denying surgery based on BMI is a philosophy and rationing not truly evidence based. There are risks from being very overweight- lowered fertility, increased risk of oestrogen dependent tumours (thin women simply don’t get endometrial cancer) and outcomes of joint surgery - but the risks aren’t quite as projected.