Is being fat a choice?

[notevenamum1]

This has all been triggered from a post I read on here the other day that was based around how short men must feel how fat women do when it comes to dating. There was a comment made about how it was worse for the men because they had not chosen to be short. Now this blaze comment about how being fat is a choice really sent me down a rabbit hole.

I think this is probably easy to say if you are someone who has never struggled with weight before but if you are someone like me who has struggled and yo-yo’d with their weight their whole life then they would beg to differ. I am both tall and fat, I have in the past been slim(mer) but it was a hell of a battle to get there and was unsustainable to stay there. Even now I am 5ft8, 14stone and convince myself that I am a size 14...I have to be mindful of what I eat every day, and exercise regularly or I would be even larger than I am now.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Is being “fat” a choice?

It burns relatively few calories for effort required

No one was ever or became thin from fat because of exercise and yet it is used a lot as a reason for fatness

I don’t judge anyone for being fat as I find that ridiculous but largely it is the calories going in that makes the difference
Pretending you are fat because you cannot exercise is just pretending

If it bothers you, truly, eat fewer calories. If, as I believe, it is something that doesn’t bother you other than ‘I am supposed to be thin‘ way then carry on.
Fat is fine. There should be more acceptance.

For some, yes, due to lifestyle. For others, no, due to, as PP have said, medical conditions, metabolism and genetics.

I'm inclined to think that it's not 100% about choice, but that choice is definitely involved. I'm a recovering alcoholic who chooses not to put any alcohol in my system because I'm all too aware of the consequences. Food is arguably tougher because we need it to survive.

@Hangingover I could have written most of your post.

Only read the first page but yes and no. Some have genuine medical conditions which either make them put on weight or make it near impossible to exercise etc.

For most though, they eat too much and dont exercise enough. Myself included. At my heaviest post DS I was 5 stone over weight. When I wanted to do something about it, I lost 2.5 stone and had I not got pregnant I believe I would have gone on to lose the other half.

I used to eat less and move more. It is 100% my choice to be fat now. Though am hoping to get back on it next year once I am done with pregnancy and child birth!

@snappycamper

Of course it is a choice, apart from a small percentage of medical conditions.

People CHOOSE not to exercise
People CHOOSE to eat excess calories
People CHOOSE not to reduce their calorie intake

It may sound harsh, but people choose what they eat, and generally choose how much exercise they do.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?
I wouldn't. I would never judge someone I don't know and assume the reason why they are overweight.

I wouldn't even judge if I saw you eating a huge MacDonald meal because it could be some off treat.

I think I might start to do so if you were my neighbour and I saw a take away being delivered to your door 3 or 4 times a day knowing you were single so it could oy be for you.

Losing weight is definitely more efficient if approached by reducing calories rather than exercise but I much prefer to do a 300 calorie burn exercise and be able to add 300 calories a day. Its more sustainable and exercise is very good in any way. Weight training does help burn the fat.

"when I was on benefits after splitting from my ex I was the slimmest I've ever been. "

I do think that being very poor can make some people very thin - they may skip meals for example. But the next step of having some money, but being on a low income is likely to make you fat. If you can afford to go out to eat somewhere it will be Wetherspoons or the like rather than fine dining and you'll be incentivised to get large portions to get your money's worth. Some of the cheapest food is quite fattening, chips, bread, etc. Carrots alone won't fill you up.

@dontdisturbmenow I don’t anymore, watching that documentary really opened my eyes. But I did and can see why people do. It’s everywhere. Without proper planning and education it’s a minefield.

I think we need better education which is unbiased and not influenced by the sugar industry or the diet industry. Healthy meals can be cheap and tasty but everywhere you look there’s sugar and it’s addictive- who craves lettuce? We are told low fat is better but then we are eating empty calories and being hungry later on instead of a proper meal that keeps us going for longer. We are crashing in front of the TV because we are lacking in energy because we are eating crap, then we are hungry and eat more in front of the TV, starting the cycle again and feeling worse each day both physically and mentally.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Yes. Maybe they wouldn't say it directly to you, but they are thinking it. Why wouldn't they?

@Mydogisthebestest your doctor will understand the extent of your abilities and will sympathise with any reason why you are struggling to lose weight. Some people are advised by their doctors to follow an extremely low calorie diet when they are unable to exercise, we're talking 600kcals daily sometimes. It's so much harder for people in your position and nobody is arguing that. But it's not impossible, and I'm sure on some level you must understand that you're feeling angry and less capable of weight loss because of what has happened to you. If I'm wrong I apologise but that sentiment is definitely coming through in your posts. Some of your difficulty is bound to be psychological rather than physical. That's not a bad thing. Every human being is different and requires support in different ways.

I am overweight.

This is a combination of genetics, upbringing (attitude to food and exercise), Western lifestyle, the evils of capitalism, comfort eating etc etc. And because I can’t be arsed to prioritise my slimness above eating things that give me a pleasant immediate carb, fat, sugar or alcohol rush.

Do I choose to be fatter than I would like to be? I am in the fortunate position where I have the means to eat a healthier diet, so it is something that is within my control, but there are a variety of societal and psychological pressures that make it easier to be fatter.

Do I judge fat people. Yes, all the time, including myself. This is a bad attitude for me to have.

This topic always ends up the same. Instead of there being some sort of universal understanding that WE don't understand every blessed thing that goes on in somebody else's life. That WE can't just overlay countless trite platitudes and pointless self-experiences onto other people... and all of this being spouted by supposedly intelligent people.

Some of the posters who've used the thread to boast, posture and do the 'why can't you do it when I can?' perhaps ought to question what the get out of posting on a thread where the OP and others are actually suffering and having it ladled on top that they are 'making a choice'. I'd say there's something quite lacking.

Many of us have a very poor relationship with food. If you personally don't then congrats, delighted for you. Have some compassion for those for whom eating and weight are millstones their whole lives long; there's no need to further 'punish' them.

If it were as simple as 'eat less, move more' in all cases then there would be no obesity. It isn't, it really just isn't. For some, yes, for everybody, no. It is that simple and instead of holding back some of the ignorant and faux concern comments, out they come. Nobody is 'better than' because of what their scales tell them but if somebody chooses to use that arbitrary number as a weapon then that says exactly who and what they are.

There are some briliant posters on this thread as on other food and diet threads too. Picking through the 'dross' is worth it to read them.

"Just as an aside I also think the 10,000 steps thing is unhelpful. 10k steps is not much activity, particularly if none of it is vigorous and I think this sort of thing, although well meaning, can lead people into a false sense of security as to what they then eat."

But nobody has said that walking 10k steps a day will make you thin, have they?
I think it's pretty bad to try to get rid of healthy aims on the basis that some people will be complacent. It's similar to telling people not to wear masks because you think that means they will get too close to other people when the message is keep your distance, but if you can't, wear a mask. Similarly with food, the message should be not to overeat, but it's also good for your general health to be active.

I think we need better education which is unbiased and not influenced by the sugar industry or the diet industry
There is plenty of education and I actually thi k we have never been more educated to what is ealthy and unhealthy eating. Kids are taught in school, there are labels on most things, who doesn't genuinely know that there are plenty of calories in the aways and alcohol? Yet maybe are going for those things. When you decide what to have to eat for dinner, you have a choice to go to the supermarket and get some chicken, broccoli and brown rice or order a full meal from pizza express. Are you saying that most people wouldn't know which is most fatening?

I have always always had to make the choices we don't want to make most of my life to remain slim. I looooove McDonald's, Burger King, Chinese etc... I never have any because I know it will only make me crave it again a couple of days later.

It would be nice to be able to enjoy it without worry about my weight but like most, it won't happen.

It is a choice to say no when every fibers of my body seem to be shouting 'go for it'!

It's as much of a choice as being thin is to somebody with Anorexia Nervosa when you get to 'having to eat' or eating to squash down unpleasant feelings.

And it's also a choice when somebody can control their weight or allow it to increase, but can do the opposite if they decide to. OR if they weigh up the consequences they've experienced in the past as a result of being either big or small or having an ED and have decided that the safest option is to do nothing or the opposite to stay clear of dysfunctional eating patterns.

Like most things, it isn't black or white. I had an ED as a teenager, then found out being bigger made me less likely to cop physical abuse, then got even bigger when disability and medication were involved, but trying to reduce my weight put me straight back onto the ED patterns.

I've reluctantly acknowledged that it would be better for me to at least try to lose some weight now for various reasons, but I can already feel those ED thoughts creeping in. Do I risk it? Right now, I think the potential benefits outweighs the risk, but I am emotionally and to some extent financially secure, DP's ED is acknowledged and he's alert to the possibility of it being triggered in him and in me, so I think I'm in the safest place to at least attempt it right now.

What is NOT needed for either, however, is for randoms to make judgements and comments about it. Leave us the fuck alone.

This thread is why I stay on mumsnet, it's very amusing. I love imagining the 'oh so slim people' feeling very pleased with themselves.
I'm fat by the way, I have a medical condition where I am extremely limited in the type of food I can eat. I can't eat any food with fibre, I eat a low fibre diet of many beige food, white bread, pasta, rice. I can't eat most vegetables and fruit, I've tried, they just set my IBD off.
I don't care if people judge me, I know I exercise loads, I just can't eat properly, but at least I can leave the house now and I'm not on a steroid drip in hospital.

I have binge eating disorder so no it's not a choice for me to be overweight. I so desperately don't want to be like this or have this disorder but I do.
Having that and pcos makes it very hard to lose weight.

I'm actually surprised at the lack of compassion and thoughtfulness on here. And that's saying something as I spend a lot of time on AIBU!

It's actually laughable that some people think it's as simple as 'eat less, move more'.

I'm slim, but I NEVER EVER judge an overweight person negatively, I however strongly judge those who would be so thoughtless as to do so.

Many of us have a very poor relationship with food. If you personally don't then congrats, delighted for you. Have some compassion for those for whom eating and weight are millstones their whole lives long; there's no need to further 'punish' them
And why are assuming that those who maintain their weight don't? I think of food just about any minute I'm awake. I would say I have a poor relationship with food. I associate food with comfort and like many, it makes me feel really good at the time.

It is actually BECAUSE I too have issues with food but am seemingly managed to find coping mechanisms that I feel I can post advice. And frankly, it is tiring that some people seem to on a mission to refuse to consider any because they just stick to seeing themselves as worse of than others and that all slim people are slim because they are just lucky.

I don't think many people choose to be fat. They do make choices that lead to being fat. There are some exceptions due to health problems out of their control.

In the same way that nobody chooses to break a leg, but they do choose to do things that make it more likely. There are some exceptions due to freak accidents or assaults.

*It's actually laughable that some people think it's as simple as 'eat less, move more'"
The buological facts are very simple indeed. Adopting means to adhere to it is what isn't simple. No one has said it was.

Eat less and move more works for other mammals

We have horses and dogs, if they get fat they get more exercise and less food

It always works

don'tdisturbmenow, you can post what you like and you obviously do, but I read your first post and wondered what your 'buttons' were. Hope that nobody finds and presses them, hmm? Just because you can cope doesn't mark you out as special, it makes you extremely fortunate, notwithstanding the work you do to facilitate it. Why would you seemingly feel the need to compare yourself to and sneer at other people for whom this is not so easy?

If you know so much then why you post the way you do baffles me.

And I don't believe for a minute that all the posters boasting of their 'slimness' are truthful. It's just that it's not possible to post so snidely about other people's eating without using that slim-moniker as some sort of talisman to prevent people rounding on them. I've thought this for a while.

If it's so 'tiring' to read of and try to show compassion for other people then best not to. You could always start your own 'Rah Rah Rah' 'back-patting yourself' thread though? I'm sure you'll have oodles of posts...

@dontdisturbmenow

On the matter of exercising, I think it would help to define what we mean by exercise.

I see people at my gym, mainly in January and February, overweight and clearly on a positive mission to lose weight. However, what they do is so limited. 10 minutes slow walk on the treadmill, 10mns on the bike at a very low level and speed etc...who are then surprise they don't lose any weight. I was speaking with one such person who concluded that it was her constitution etc... I suggested she join a HiiT class and she looked at me as if I was mad, saying it would kill her. Yet there are overweight people,some very overweight people doing it. Its very hard (for everyone according to how hard they push themselves),but that's where the work really pays. Its the pushing yourself to the level that you think you are going to pass out (feeling like rather than actually getting to that point!) that will make you lose weight. You need to push your heart rate to a the red zone. Then you'll start losing weight.

Joining a HIIT class is ridiculous for somebody who is overweight and unfit/inflexible. It's a one stop shop to sitting on a bed in A&E in your capris waiting for an x-ray and a knee/ankle the size of a baseball whilst the sympathetic doctor tells you that you shouldn't overdo exercise when you're starting out, or finding yourself with Achilles Tendonitis, Plantar Fasciitis, Shin Splints and all other tendinopathies that take significant time to heal and then restrict daily moving about, never mind exercise.

Obviously eating less and moving more technically works, no one can really dispute that.

But it’s clearly an extremely complex issue. If it wasn’t, only the people who want to be overweight would be.

I really don’t understand the dismissal of this complexity. Human nature is really interesting!