Do you track your teenager?

[Coffeesndteav]

I have had my dd on the friend finder app. We live about a mile away from her school so being in the park with friends etc it eases my mind.She is 13 next week.

We have had a temper tantrum tonight saying none of her friends parents do this. I am a stalker. We don't trust her. We care too much

Her attitude is very bad at the moment. Wow teens are hard work.

AIBU to track her on the app?

Cups of tea😂😂. Oh please.

Tbf my mother still tracks me and I'm 41 and she's 75! It's makes her feel better to see the little blue dot. I don't go anywhere exciting s. She can see all 4 of her grandkids too. She's the least controlling person I know but it makes her feel better to "see" us all.

DS is 19 now but no I didn't . Wouldn't have occurred to me and am quite shocked that people do this.

We are all also on snapchat as friends and if they’ve been on snapchat recently you can see them, so i can see dd but not the others

If they weren’t happy being seen they’d delete it

I couldn't be doing with tracking anyone. As a teen I wasn't always very honest with my parents about my whereabouts (if I was out with someone I knew they would disapprove of, I would say i was staying with a friend) but even with that in mind I couldn't invade my teens privacy like that. They need to learn to manage risk and there needs to be boundaries there. I'm with nicknacky on this.

Yes but with her full and willing consent - and she can see my location and the rest of the family too. Its not about control its about safety and convenience. I am probably one of the least controlling of her friends parents (according to both her and her friends) She's nearly 18.

It was pretty handy a few months ago when she witnessed a very violent assault (which led to hospitalisation of the victim) and she was almost speechless with shock. She managed to ring me but there wasn't much sense coming out of her, but I could find her quite quickly

Its generally more useful in a mundane way - when I have to pick her up from the bus stop or train station for example and can work out the optimum time to set off from home

I got lost on a dog walk recently (no sense of direction) and she was with her friend who does a lot of riding in the area and knows it like the back of her hand - so she passed her phone to her friend who tracked me and told me where to go!

We use Life360 and if she didn't want me to see where she is then she can turn of location permissions. She chooses not to though

Actually its occurred to me that the reason she doesn't mind me seeing her location is precisely because I don't have a lot of pointless rules about where she can or can't go and whom she can see

@LimitIsUp

Actually its occurred to me that the reason she doesn't mind me seeing her location is precisely because I don't have a lot of pointless rules about where she can or can't go and whom she can see

Same

She went to the beach with friends til about 2am the other night

She always tells me where and with who...but not what time 😀

I track my ds. Mainly when he's in his way home if he's late ( 3 buses and nearly 10 mikes away) not because I don't trust him, just to make sure he's safe. He san also track me as we have the family sharing app. It's not him I'm worried about it's other people.

We all track each other. But, mostly, we track devices and beep them when they get lost. It's very useful - not just for the kids!

Nope, it actually never occurred to me that I would, but now I think about it, it’s creepy and weird. If a partner was tracking me I’d think it was controlling and abusive 🤷🏻‍♀️

My teens I've never tracked, they give me times they expect to be home.

The only time I worry is when the eldest has their car with them and doesn't tell me they are running more than an hour behind.

I don't track either of my DDs' whereabouts (they're 15 and 11). For me, it's not about trust/lack of but about independence and proactive communication. I want them to be able to go to places, for the default to be that they've arrived safely and to actively contact me if plans have changed or they need help. I don't like the idea of them not making their own decisions about e.g. the safety of a place because tracking gives them a false sense of security plus I want them to stick to agreements about timing etc. rather then to take it for granted that I'll know they will be late home because I can see where they are on a tracker. Another reason is that if for whatever reason the tracker stops working, it would potentially feel extremely worrying to not know exactly where my DDs are. I can imagine that worry escalating and them not thinking to get in touch because they have no idea the tracker had stopped. I prefer them to take responsibility for letting me know where they are as and when needed.

I’m only surprised that many parents on here don’t have their DC microchipped with a traceable receiver. Perhaps I shouldn’t put that thought in their heads.

@Summermummer

WTF OP??? This is abusive and controlling. You may think you’re doing no harm but this will come back to bite you. How would you feel if someone was tracking YOUR every move? Honestly, stop, or your DD will likely resent you. Or turn off her location services. This is plain wrong and YABVU.

Abusive? Don't be a loon!

We have find my friends enabled as a family group (MIL, me, Dh, and our two dds age 19 and 21).

Dds could opt out at any point if they wanted to, but they actively like it - I.e. they can check if I’ve left the house yet to come and collect them from the train station!

When they’re at uni, it’s great to check it in the evening and see they’re both back at their uni houses. It means I don’t need to text them as much.

Also very useful with MIL, as we can check that she’s home before we pop round (we live in the same town).

Why do you need to text if they AREN'T back in their uni houses? I don’t want to be crude but if they are at uni then they could easily be staying overnight with a boyfriend without you needing to know.

My mum made me put this on as soon as she got an iPhone - I didn't think too much of it at the time, I did a lot of walking to and from uni in the dark so felt more secure. Would let her know when I was leaving and when I arrived.
However this was 5 years ago now, if I turn it off I get constant grief, if I leave it on I get questioned if I'm not at home.
It has and continues to make my live a pain in the arse.

Yes. Mine are 15 & 13 and no arguments about it so far. When there is we will reconsider but at the mo the peace of mind makes me a better parent.

The black mirror ep of this didn’t end well

I’m with you @Nicknacky - if my parents had checked to see if I were back at my home when I was at university / in my twenties, they’d have been freaking out on a regular basis!

@lydia7986, what do you do if your adult children aren’t at their home when you are expecting? Do you text them (as you suggest in your post)? What if they didn’t rely to that?

@dobbyssoc turn it off. Set your boundaries. Let her freak. You are an adult and don’t need permission.

Curious about parents who track their uni/adult children - what happens if they go clubbing/stay out late at a bar/a friend or romantic partner’s house etc - do you stay awake until you can see they are home?

what do you do if your adult children aren’t at their home when you are expecting? Do you text them (as you suggest in your post)? What if they didn’t rely to that?

I’ve never had to. They always are home.

What if they aren’t at home?