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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So hurt

149 replies

HP1092 · 14/07/2020 14:31

Hi everyone. Feeling so hurt today. I have a 5 year old daughter and an 18 month old son from separate relationships and neither of my children have contact with their fathers (their choices). My daughter's paternal family, however, are amazing. They stood up when their son turned his back and I was especially close with his mum (my daughter's nan). She was even there when I gave birth to my son (not her biological grandchild), cut his cord, was the first person to dress him and has taken him every week since along with my little girl. He calls her Nanny and I always thought she was besotted with him. Anyway, this morning I had a shitty text from her saying that she was upset that I haven't asked them how they are during lockdown (I've responded to all texts and sent pics of the kids, didn't realise I had done anything wrong?) I sent more pics of both kids this morning and she only acknowledged the ones of her biological granddaughter and commented on her and ignored every single thing about my son. It was obvious and I'm gutted. She's never done anything like that and it feels like it was done intentionally to hurt me. Not sure how to resolve this situation if anyone has any advice. I really don't know what I've done wrong.

OP posts:

sunflowersandtulips50 · 14/07/2020 18:45

She has been very kind to you and taking on your DS as her own is a very special thing to do. However he is only 18mths and perhaps she has realised now you have your DP you dont need her so much hence her message. She may be worried your going to pull away from her altogether now there is a new man involved. Are you expecting her to take on number 3 as her own too?

Original poster

HP1092 · 14/07/2020 18:46

@sunflowersandtulips50

Not expecting anything, just hoping to patch up our relationship

OP posts:

whereorwhere · 14/07/2020 18:51

Thank you. I feel quite nervous about talking to her. She is/was like a mum to me. I don't have a relationship with my own one

Tell her that. Tell her you are heartbroken that you have upset her that you love her and appreciate her and think of her as your Mum and that however it came across you were always thinking of her and you are so so sorry. Families piss each other off but they make up because they are families. She's told you the issue - do not get defensive and make her know how much you value her

Echobelly · 14/07/2020 18:54

I have a very sensitive MIL and sometimes she's got upset at me about stuff - a lot of the time it's her nonsense, but sometimes she's got a point, like if I've forgotten to ask how she is, or how something important to her has gone (I sometimes do forget this stuff, I'm sad to say)

I'd say with this, you should call her - say you're sorry, you thought you were showing you cared sufficiently by sharing pics of the kids and asking after her business and you should have asked how she was in herself, and you feel ashamed you didn't realise and you really want things to be right with her. If she wants to have a go, let her get it out of her system, don't remonstrate, don't argue. Of she says anything you find upsetting/untrue, maybe you can address that with her later/at a better time, in a (calm, apologetic) text or whatever.

Nibblingoncrumpets · 14/07/2020 18:59

From your updates I now think it does sound like you care about her and therefore I think this will be an easy one to straighten out! With these things if one party expressed their grievance and the other deals with it quickly it will all be forgotten! “I’m sorry - you’re right, I should have been asking after you more and there’s no real excuse for that. I will make it up to you, you know how important you are to me”. And done. As it’s all genuine feeling from your side she will recognise that and it will be sorted.

Unlike DH’s grandparents who didn’t bother to message when our son was v unwell in hospital (and they knew he was going in), we told them we were disappointed and hurt by this...3 weeks ago...NO RESPONSE. God, that’s a wound that will fester.

Original poster

HP1092 · 14/07/2020 19:30

Hi everyone. I have spoke to MIL, I cried, she cried, I said sorry. But we are going to be ok. :) I told her that I was so upset that she was upset I posted on an internet forum asking for advice which she found hilarious 😂 especially the part about having time to have sex but not text her thanks everyone for helping me see the light xx

OP posts:

sunflowersandtulips50 · 14/07/2020 19:36

Thats a great update.....so pleased it is resolved. She does sound like a special woman your kids are lucky to have her

backseatcookers · 14/07/2020 19:43

Ah I'm so glad to hear it. She sounds lovely

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 14/07/2020 19:44

Yay, so glad it's all sorted out. She sounds awesome

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 14/07/2020 19:45

Really happy for you ...proud of you for taking the lead and putting things right...Bugger off now and be happy all of you! Best wishes sent x

BlueSuffragette · 14/07/2020 19:54

Well done OP. Glad you've sorted it. You seem to have a diamond there.

Nibblingoncrumpets · 14/07/2020 19:56

Great resolution! Pleased for you both

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/07/2020 19:59

That's fantastic, what a lovely update. You sound as if you both have the most amazing relationship with each other and it's lovely to read it. Well done.

And congratulations on the new baby too.

Pinklynx · 14/07/2020 20:20

Well done OP. So pleased for you both. Love happy endings.

Ellisandra · 14/07/2020 20:50

I’m glad she liked my sex comment and I’m glad you’ve worked it out 👍🏻 Congratulations on the result of the sex 😉

Original poster

HP1092 · 14/07/2020 20:58

Thanks everyone, feeling really relieved. Xx @Ellisandra she is very happy about the result of the sex 😂

OP posts:

Dashel · 14/07/2020 21:09

Really pleased that all is resolved, I think we all need more happy ever after type endings at the moment.

I have a mum who isn’t a mum and my real mum is awful so I know how important she must be. I find that it’s more important to keep in touch with those than blood family.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 14/07/2020 21:16

You have done a really good thing. And you were very gracious in accepting the comments here. Well done.

ZoeCM · 14/07/2020 21:19

I'm glad you have sort things out. She sounds like a wonderful person, and you obviously mean a lot to her.

ZoeCM · 14/07/2020 21:20

^ sorted, I mean!

Thinkingabout1t · 15/07/2020 01:34

So glad you’ve sorted this out, HP, and put things right with MIL. I came back to say I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you with two small DC in a flat with no outdoor space. No wonder it was doing your head in. I hope as lockdown eases your life becomes easier.

sleepingpup · 15/07/2020 08:37

So glad this is all sorted OP.

🌸🌸🌸

Original poster

HP1092 · 15/07/2020 16:48

Thanks again everyone xx

OP posts:

Josette77 · 16/07/2020 21:16

This is a fabulous update!!

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