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AIBU?

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Original poster

So hurt

149 replies

HP1092 · 14/07/2020 14:31

Hi everyone. Feeling so hurt today. I have a 5 year old daughter and an 18 month old son from separate relationships and neither of my children have contact with their fathers (their choices). My daughter's paternal family, however, are amazing. They stood up when their son turned his back and I was especially close with his mum (my daughter's nan). She was even there when I gave birth to my son (not her biological grandchild), cut his cord, was the first person to dress him and has taken him every week since along with my little girl. He calls her Nanny and I always thought she was besotted with him. Anyway, this morning I had a shitty text from her saying that she was upset that I haven't asked them how they are during lockdown (I've responded to all texts and sent pics of the kids, didn't realise I had done anything wrong?) I sent more pics of both kids this morning and she only acknowledged the ones of her biological granddaughter and commented on her and ignored every single thing about my son. It was obvious and I'm gutted. She's never done anything like that and it feels like it was done intentionally to hurt me. Not sure how to resolve this situation if anyone has any advice. I really don't know what I've done wrong.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 14/07/2020 16:56

Call her up and ask how she is.

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2020 16:58

@WorraLiberty that it's easy to bash a single mum for taking a childs grandparent for "granted" when her son isnt even in the childs life. this grandmother has clearly chosen to be in her grandchilds life whereas her useless son has not.

What has that got to do with the grandmother though? You sound as though you're blaming her in some way for her adult son's actions?

The OP has had plenty of time to reply to the grandmother's texts and to send photos of her children, yet hasn't shown any concern for how she may be feeling during lockdown.

She's had this pointed out to her by the grandmother and now the OP is 'hurt' over it. Thankfully she's going to phone and try to make amends.

But she was wrong not to show concern considering how lovely and considerate this woman is to the OP.

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2020 17:01

@strawberrypip

like I said, not taking away how great it is that she is in the 18 month olds life, but I dont think the OP should be on her knees grateful that the grandmother features in her daughters life where her son does not
Again about the son Hmm

No-one's saying the OP should be on her knees but she certainly should be grateful at how much this lovely woman has welcomed and accepted the new baby, to the point of helping at his birth and having him every week since.

Again, she's not responsible for her adult son's actions.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 14/07/2020 17:01

Yeah... I’d be calling to apologise. Maybe some flowers too and a thank you for everything she’s done for you.

Tweacle · 14/07/2020 17:03

She’s hurt. Pick the flipping phone up and ask her how they are. She sounds golden to be frank. You should a tad selfish.

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:03

I already acknowledged about her playing a role in the 18 month old lives, I am talking about comments suggesting she should be grateful that the grandmother is in her own grandchilds life and that the grandmother has time for OP despite not being with her son - the very son who is not even in the childs life. if you read back through the thread you will see the comments I am referring to. my point is it is outrageous to even bring OPs lack of relationship with grandmothers son into it when he isnt in the picture AT ALL

MintyMabel · 14/07/2020 17:04

I dont think the OP should be on her knees grateful that the grandmother features in her daughters life where her son does not

Is it on your knees grateful to check in and see how people are doing from time to time?

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:06

also, I don't see why the OP is childish and all the other things she has been accused of but the grandmother is not childish for not having it out properly with OP and rather deliberately ignoring stuff about the 18 month old Confused

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 14/07/2020 17:13

She has literally told op what the problem is, what more can she do Confused

Isthisfinallyit · 14/07/2020 17:15

also, I don't see why the OP is childish and all the other things she has been accused of but the grandmother is not childish for not having it out properly with OP and rather deliberately ignoring stuff about the 18 month old

Although she went about it the wrong way on that part, she mostly sounds hurt. Also, trying to be right and taking some kind of moral high ground here isn't going to save the relationship. That is the goal, repairing a relationship between two people who actually love each other and both feel hurt. It's more childish to want to get your right because you're right on just 1 point and fuck things up just because of that.

Isthisfinallyit · 14/07/2020 17:16

And she is having it out. I applaud her for taking this step, can't have been an easy thing to say.

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:16

doesnt make it any less childish though does it to ignore stuff about the 18 month old...

Spied · 14/07/2020 17:18

Well, if she's the type of woman who could ignore a baby who she had previously taken on as a grandson I don't actually think she sounds like a great person.

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:18

not sure if people are deliberately trying to miss the point and think I'm grandmother bashing here but I'm just pointing out that many on here have been quick to get at OP calling her names, including childish and selfish etc., but havent commented on grandmothers childish act either. there are some who have even commented on lack of relationship with her son so suggest she ought to be grateful for grandmothers role in their lives. I'm just saying, seems all incredibly one sided

Nicknacky · 14/07/2020 17:21

It is very one sided, that is correct.

The grandmother doesn’t seem to get much back from the OP

MrKlaw · 14/07/2020 17:22

My daughter's paternal family, however, are amazing. They stood up when their son turned his back and I was especially close with his mum (my daughter's nan). She was even there when I gave birth to my son (not her biological grandchild), cut his cord, was the first person to dress him and has taken him every week since along with my little girl. He calls her Nanny and I always thought she was besotted with him

Have you outright ever told her this? You seem to really value her and the rest of that side of the family but maybe its internalised by you and she'd appreciate it being more vocal?

I know this is something I do all the damn time and I wish I was better at - letting people know how much I love and appreciate them.

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:25

@Nicknacky okay, grandmother gets a pass to ignore the 18 month old then, got cha

Nicknacky · 14/07/2020 17:27

strawberrypip You mean the 18 month old that she treats as her own grandchild and looks after every week?

Yeah, she’s a complete bitch.

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:29

get a grip...I stated several times wasnt taking anything away from her for the care of the 18 month old but to ignore the child now because shes pissed off with OP? yeah that is pretty bitchy

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2020 17:31

@strawberrypip

get a grip...I stated several times wasnt taking anything away from her for the care of the 18 month old but to ignore the child now because shes pissed off with OP? yeah that is pretty bitchy
I think you're the one who needs to get a grip.

She didn't ignore the child, she just didn't comment on the photos.

Totally different.

Nicknacky · 14/07/2020 17:34

strawberrypip Im sure the baby is gutted his granny didn’t “like” his photos and instead spends time and attention with him.

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:34

why are you getting so butt hurt just because I've defended the OP on a few issues here? I do think its childish to ignore stuff to do with the 18 month old as retaliation for the irritation she feels towards OP. I also dont agree with comments alluding to her being grateful for grandmother being on the seen when she doesnt have a relationship with the absent father. end of.

strawberrypip · 14/07/2020 17:34

scene*

CoRhona · 14/07/2020 17:34

Could your daughter call her? That might work really well. Personally I think you should give her regular phone time with your daughter, especially while your son is so young.

But agree with pp you have been very lucky to have someone who takes an interest in their non blood grandchild, especially as the fathers don't.

Nicknacky · 14/07/2020 17:36

strawberrypip Who is your last comment directed at?

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