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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask whether you’ve ever done this during sex...

130 replies

Pollstrox · 13/07/2020 18:19

Recently started online dating after being divorced for many years. I fall in to the “old” category and during my marriage my sex life with exDH was nonexistent, so I’m fairly out of touch. I’ve recently met a new man who is a fair bit younger than me and sexually we are having a wonderful time. Recently he’s suggested I could ‘pleasure’ him anally by inserting a finger or even using some sort of toy to stimulate his prostrate.

According to him, this is very common nowadays and very popular with men. I’m wondering if this is true?!

My exDH would have been horrified if I’d have done such a thing and to be honest I had no idea that men even had a g spot! AIBU to ask how many of you have tried this and/or do this regularly with your OH?

OP posts:

Nibblingoncrumpets · 13/07/2020 23:37

Never been asked and it’s something I would do! 🤢

Nibblingoncrumpets · 13/07/2020 23:37

NOT something!! NOT!!!

CandidaAlbicans2 · 13/07/2020 23:58

What puts me off doing it is the thought of withdrawing my finger and finding a nugget of poo on the end! I mean, what's the etiquette then?! No way would I do a discreet wipe on the sheets, and a tissue isn't going to clean it properly (and the thought of a poo finger touching anything makes me shudder) but equally I'd not want to embarrass the guy by going straight to the bathroom to wash my hands.

GinDaddyRedux · 14/07/2020 07:49

Does everyone who is saying "this is disgusting" and exaggeratedly throwing up their arms/clutching their pearls, realise that some/all of this is completely everyday and normal for gay men?

And that some other posters on here might actually enjoy giving this to their partner, and see it as normal/healthy?

WitsEnding · 14/07/2020 08:01

I’m aware that it’s relatively common (I’m old) but never fancied doing it.
Try massaging the perineum for a less direct approach.

SouthernComforts · 14/07/2020 08:10

An OP starts a thread about fingering arses and never returns.. I'm shocked and confused.

shamalidacdak · 14/07/2020 08:29

Jesus Christ. That's enough internet today.

Treacletoots · 14/07/2020 08:46

Mumsnet is a strange place. Very liberal in so many ways except for if you like it up the arse, or are a landlord. Imagine if you happened to fit both criteria.

I know lots of men who love being pegged. Those who don't, are in denial.

sonjadog · 14/07/2020 08:57

For those of you who do this, when done, do you immediately get up and go wash your hands thoroughly?

Adeleide2 · 14/07/2020 09:01

Well I wouldn’t do it even if they government made it mandatory during sex!

MissConductUS · 14/07/2020 09:06

@Treacletoots

Mumsnet is a strange place. Very liberal in so many ways except for if you like it up the arse, or are a landlord. Imagine if you happened to fit both criteria.

I know lots of men who love being pegged. Those who don't, are in denial.

Or god forbid, are also an American! Then the MN villagers would surely get out the pitchforks and start the bonfire in the village square.

And I've also had a fair few partners who enjoy it.

MissConductUS · 14/07/2020 09:08

@sonjadog

For those of you who do this, when done, do you immediately get up and go wash your hands thoroughly?

I use disposable medical grade nitrile gloves, or more commonly we'll use a toy designed for this which is washed immediately after use.

EmbarrassedUser · 14/07/2020 09:08

I know it’s a thing but I still think it’s so grim. Even if DH had douched there’s no way I’m sticking my finger up his arse 😂

Nibblingoncrumpets · 14/07/2020 09:48

If people want to fiddle around with each other’s bums, that’s their business.

It’s completely acceptable to NOT want to interact with someone’s anus (or have yours meddled with). We poo from there!

Notredamn · 14/07/2020 09:54

Gin that's a homophobic myth.

SimonJT · 14/07/2020 09:57

@GinDaddyRedux

Does everyone who is saying "this is disgusting" and exaggeratedly throwing up their arms/clutching their pearls, realise that some/all of this is completely everyday and normal for gay men?

And that some other posters on here might actually enjoy giving this to their partner, and see it as normal/healthy?

Correction, for around 1/3 of gay men.

But yes, people saying its disgusting are being a bit dramatic and may wish to consider whether or not its pleasant as they’re essentially calling other people disgusting.

Lweji · 14/07/2020 10:00

I wouldn't put any fingers up there without a rubber glove, but if he was to provide a toy, sure...

Just as long as you're both happy with it.

Lifeisgenerallyfun · 14/07/2020 10:08

I think it’s fairly common in my experience-and I’ve had men talk about much more potentially eyebrow raising fantasies which also seem somewhat common. If it all goes a bit wrong just wash your hands!

But it really depends on what you are both comfortable with, no one should feel coerced into doing something they don’t fancy.

I’m pretty much a yeah, I’ll give it a shot, you don’t know til you’ve tried mentality about most things - on the clear understanding it all stops immediately if one of you is no longer comfortable. It’s uncovered some interesting and commonly held male fantasies.

But there’s no right and wrong, just what you and your partner jointly want.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 14/07/2020 10:16

AIBU to ask for women to post page after page of their experiences of playing with men's arses for me to enjoy learn from?

ShitStain · 14/07/2020 10:19

I popped a finger up Mr Stains clacker but he found it odd so I didn’t venture there again.

Loveinatimeofcovid · 14/07/2020 10:20

Well this has been a thing for hundreds of years. Not all men like it of course but im(limited)e it’s pretty popular.

IWantToBeAFairy · 14/07/2020 10:24

@Callipygion

Well I was just watching an episode of The Yorkshire Vet and he was sticking some sort of probe up a ram’s bottom to stimulate the prostrate to collect a semen sample! (Probe looked sort of like a hair curling wand - if you want a visual prompt 😊) I was amazed but it worked, the ram seemed to enjoy it! The size of their testicles though ....! Just .. wow! 😳

I wish we could 'like' comments on here, this one had me 🤣🤣

BiBabbles · 14/07/2020 11:01

Whether it's popular doesn't really change if you would like to do so or to tell him he can do that on his own (or just read women's accounts on this). Some men do, some men don't, and I don't think it really says much about any of them either way, but the popularity or not of it isn't a reason to pester someone.

For those of you who do this, when done, do you immediately get up and go wash your hands thoroughly?

I use nitrite gloves, like a previous poster, and anal lubricants. Makes it much nicer for both of us and don't see the appeal of doing that without those. With anal toys, we use condoms for easier cleaning and lube application. Not usually washing immediately, but whenever we get out of bed though I do remove the gloves pretty much once we're on to other things.

BarbedBloom · 14/07/2020 11:07

Yes, I have done this and it has been fairly common. Normally toys are used and cleaned properly after. But the key thing is that you should be comfortable doing it and if not, it is a non starter

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/07/2020 11:18

An XH used to ask for and enjoy me doing this. But it had to be arranged clinically - was he clean? Did we have toys available? And it also had to be done separately to intercourse because I have NO IDEA how women with normal-length arms manage to reach around without him squinching himself into an unfeasable position (or being gigantically well endowed).

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