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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you’ve ever done this during sex...

130 replies

Pollstrox · 13/07/2020 18:19

Recently started online dating after being divorced for many years. I fall in to the “old” category and during my marriage my sex life with exDH was nonexistent, so I’m fairly out of touch. I’ve recently met a new man who is a fair bit younger than me and sexually we are having a wonderful time. Recently he’s suggested I could ‘pleasure’ him anally by inserting a finger or even using some sort of toy to stimulate his prostrate.

According to him, this is very common nowadays and very popular with men. I’m wondering if this is true?!

My exDH would have been horrified if I’d have done such a thing and to be honest I had no idea that men even had a g spot! AIBU to ask how many of you have tried this and/or do this regularly with your OH?

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 13/07/2020 20:33

I find the concept of anything around the bum/anus disgusting. It's full of all the bacteria you don't want to spread. Lots if things are apparently commonplace now (anal etc, probably driven in part by exposure to porn normalising more extreme stuff), but I personally don't do anything I don't want to do and that includes sticking my digits anywhere that dirty. No one is going near mine with anything either.

JovialNickname · 13/07/2020 20:42

Yes some men like this OP, and it's true that a man's G spot is up his bottom!
If you feel like you might want to do this (and it would be fair to ask him to be squeaky clean beforehand, including a well polished buttonhole) you put a bit of lube on your index finger, and insert it gently up to your middle knuckle. You then do a "round and round" motion with that finger which will stimulate the prostate gland. If he likes that you can graduate to doing it quite hard - it won't hurt him.

Another great way to stimulate the make G spot is to insert a normal size (about thumb size) bullet vibrator up his bottom, starting with a gentle buzzing intensity and increasing it if he likes it. VERY IMPORTANT - bums have a tendency to suck things up with quite strong force, hence all the "I just fell on the hoover doctor" stories you hear about. If you use a vibrator you must hold firmly onto the end of it or use a toy with a wide base so it can't go up and get lost.

BacklashStarts · 13/07/2020 20:45

Just because he likes and it's not that "out there" doesn't mean you have to do it. agree 100%

I think this has gone from ‘probably enjoyed but not often admitted to’ to ‘more freely asked for’ over the last 15-20 years.

JovialNickname · 13/07/2020 20:46

Also if he is a healthy person with a normal diet, fingering him anally should not cause your finger to come out "dirty ". But if you're worried about that you can use something called a "finger cot" (like a condom for a finger) or just a normal condom.

MissConductUS · 13/07/2020 20:47

bums have a tendency to suck things up with quite strong force, hence all the "I just fell on the hoover doctor" stories you hear about. If you use a vibrator you must hold firmly onto the end of it or use a toy with a wide base so it can't go up and get lost.

Wise words. I used to be an A&E nurse. There was always an anal speculum kept at hand. Saturday nights were the worst. Grin

JovialNickname · 13/07/2020 20:51

We want to hear more MissConduct!! Grin

Countrysidelife54 · 13/07/2020 20:51

All these people saying its common I had no idea. Blush
I have never had a man want me to do that to him.

AliceinBunnyland · 13/07/2020 20:53

How does anyone know how common it is?

We only know what our own experience is and maybe a few friends we might discuss these things with.

I have never done this OP and I haven't discussed it with my friends so I have NK idea whether or not they have.

PumpkinP · 13/07/2020 20:58

I never knew it was apparently common either, like I said no man has ever asked me to do this (and I would never do it without checking it was ok, not that I would do it anyway!) and no friends have ever mentioned doing this or being asked, and we speak a lot about our sex lives! And we are very open.

PhoneLock · 13/07/2020 21:00

How does anyone know how common it is?

Exactly what I was thinking. If I tried this with my husband, I'd have to be wearing a plastic mac and two pairs of Marigolds. Even then I think he would jump out the window and hide behind the wheelie bins.

sammylady37 · 13/07/2020 21:01

Because I have a chronic prostate condition I've had number of rectal examinations and can state clearly that not of them were in any way pleasant or sexually stimulating

Well, context is everything, isn’t it? Women generally don’t find smear tests pleasant or sexually stimulation but in a different context vaginal penetration is extremely stimulating.

dementedma · 13/07/2020 21:03

...how do we feel about rimming?

bitheby · 13/07/2020 21:10

My OH likes it. We have used a dildo so I can peg him. He loves that. I enjoy the pleasure it gives him.

Haha if this end up in the Fail.

bitheby · 13/07/2020 21:10

My OH likes it. We have used a dildo so I can peg him. He loves that. I enjoy the pleasure it gives him.

Haha if this end up in the Fail.

HelpMeh · 13/07/2020 21:16

@dementedma

...how do we feel about rimming?
Like this 🤢🤮😭
bluechairs · 13/07/2020 21:17

Tried it once with DP just to see but he didn't like it. He regularly does it to me 😁

Cheetahfajita · 13/07/2020 21:17

My nails are long and I don't want to end up taking a sample Shock

Also I'm pretty sure my arms aren't long enough to reach round and stick a finger up.

31133004Taff · 13/07/2020 21:21

VERY IMPORTANT - bums have a tendency to suck things up with quite strong force, hence all the "I just fell on the hoover doctor" stories you hear about. If you use a vibrator you must hold firmly onto the end of it or use a toy with a wide base so it can't go up and get lost.

Classic piece of advice only to be found on Mumset Grin

Emeraldshamrock · 13/07/2020 21:22

It is a No from me. I keep my finger nails a medium length amongst other reasons.
Rimming also a No.

flummoxedlummox · 13/07/2020 21:37

dementedma

...how do we feel about rimming?

I always preferred Kryten.

Kelcat9494 · 13/07/2020 21:38

My ex loved it but my DH doesn't, it's normal though I think

PennyinmyPocket · 13/07/2020 21:42

It’s a no from Me. Some people like it. Some people don’t. I don’t and nothing will convince me otherwise

draughtycatflap · 13/07/2020 22:00

Whenever my husband shows me his bumhole I feign innocence and whip out my Sooty, Sweep and Sue finger puppets and give it a good show.

Emeraldshamrock · 13/07/2020 22:04

@JovialNickname You've taught me a few thing's, every day is a school day. 🤣

dontgobaconmyheart · 13/07/2020 23:31

Honestly OP? I think more importantly, the way he's trying to coerce you into it speaks very ill of him actually. Banging on about it to make you think everyone does it(they really don't) and making you feel you're not matching up to the 'norm' you don't Hmm. I'd be careful there, funny how its 'normal' and everyone does it, when it's something men want but it wouldn't be the other way around.

Some men like it, some don't. It's only normal if you're someone who does and I'm sure a lot of men would be appalled and run a mile if you were initiating it. A lot of of women would never do it. Anal play requires a lot of prep for obvious reasons and can't just be done ad hoc unless you want to bump a stool with a finger or smell faecal matter.

From a pleasure perspective there are a lot of nerve endings around the anus and the prostate if massaged can feel extremely pleasurable for men. If he likes that it's up to him but he shouldn't be approaching it as he is to try and take advantage of the fact you want to please and might do it to avoid seeming a prude.

There's nothing wrong with it in itself, he is right it's normal enough to like it sexually, but only in so far as its equally normal to not want to go anywhere near.