AIBU to be absolutely fuming?

[sunshinewhereareyou]

I am MOH for a girl I met through work, we are very close. In return she is my MOH, it felt right and she felt the best person for the job (she says I am her best friend).

Her family are very wealthy and own a house in another country which she and her fiance go to a couple of times a year. Sometimes they go with other couple friends. I have never been invited and her mum has commented on how it's odd as her best friend. They claim they're not close enough to my fiance, my fiance thinks it's unfair as I should still go just with her instead as a girls holiday (however she is not allowed to go on holiday without him - he is controlling).

She was meant to get married recently but obviously it's now next year. I have sent flowers, presents etc. to mark the occasion and whilst their honeymoon was cancelled, the first week of it which was to go to the house in the foreign country is remaining (although no air bridge). I wished her a good week away/"honeymoon". I have only seen through Instagram that they've gone with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, I'm the only one not invited in the bridal party. Most of the bridal party are couples but one is single and one is in a relationship and her boyfriend is invited (despite not being in the 'group').

I feel so offended and hurt. It was definitely kept secretive from me as whenever I mentioned them going away she acted as if it was just them. I don't know what to do, do I confront her when she's back?

[LittleDonk]

Could it be that it wasn't intended to be a bridesmaids and groomsmen trip, just that specific group of friends?

[Jaxhog]

she says I am her best friend

I think not. It isn't what she says - it's what she does that really matters. She isn't behaving like you are her best friend.

[k1233]

I wouldn't even give her the time of day to say I'm pulling out of MOH. I'd wait till she raised wedding stuff act surprised and say sorry, you were pretty clear when the bridal party went on your honeymoon to your holiday home that I was no longer part of the wedding. She's being a bitch and certainly is not your friend.

[pipnchops]

Wow yeah you have every right to be upset, my jaw hit the floor when I read that. So sorry. No advice really but I would be incredibly hurt and I'd want a decent explanation and apology for being excluded. Reading between the lines it sounds like you don't really like each others partners and that might be the problem?

[EggBoxes]

Confronting to me conjures images of Kat Slater doing the finger pointing yelling. Don't do that.

There are other ways of bringing things up! It doesn't have to be in an aggressive, accusative way.

[WorraLiberty]

They claim they're not close enough to my fiance

That sounds to me as though they don't like him.

Perhaps they felt awkward inviting you without him?

[Laaalaaaa]

Derailing from the point of the thread here but why be maid of honour for a marriage you clearly don’t support?

[FizzyGreenWater]

I would just drop her tbh.

And if she asked I'd probably say that on reflection I just couldn't support her marriage to an abuser.

Tell her mum that too...

[Immigrantsong]

Resign, simple really. She sounds like she likes to categorise mates and I couldn't do with that mindfuck.

[pipnchops]

I've just read the bit about all those on the holiday being uni friends. So that explains why you're not invited but it doesn't explain why she kept it a secret that they were going, and she didn't keep the secret very well as its now on Instagram. I would end the friendship and ditch the wedding, it sounds like you don't support the marriage anyway.

[81Byerley]

I think I would just distance myself from her and her toxic other half....she doesn't sound like a real friend.

[viques]

When is the 2021 wedding? Can you hang on to beng MOH until say, the night before?


Only kidding, say you are not doing it asap.

Do you still work together? Could be awkward, just say you aren't available, don't need to give a reason. If she pushes say that you find her fiancée a controlling arse in your opinion though of course you realise that she loves him to bits.

[viques]

Sorry fiancé.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

To thos saying "You dont sound like you support the marriage" well, would anyone?!

But I would be there for a true friend who was being abused but was still in the relationship. We know that abusers like to isolate their victims so refusing to be sidelined by him is important so I would be in the wedding for her sake.

That said, whether this is him trying to gradually weed out her friends or her being a cow (being an abuse victim doesnt stop someone also being a bitch and a bad friend) I wouldnt like to guess.

[elenacampana]

That’s very odd OP, I can’t understand why you’d be her MOH and not invited on the not-wedding holiday with the rest of the bridal party.

It sounds as though there is more lurking underneath the surface of her relationship.

[ivfdreaming]

Id 100% ask her - sounds like the friendship is very much one way

[TheRealHousewife]

The friendship you describe is not equitable. I’d bale out if I’m honest. She doesn’t treat your friendship with respect. Don’t allow yourself to be humiliated any further, take control and resign from your MOH role. I’d also revoke your invitation to her about being your MOH.

[dontdillydallytoolong]

This is so hurtful. You have no choice, but to confront her. Your friendship will not survive this if you don’t discuss it as you will always harbour resentment and hurt. To have a meaningful friendship you must have honesty. Good luck.

[AllTheWhoresOfMalta]

Is she “posh” and you’re working class (or from a working class background?) I ask because her parents owning a villa in a foreign country doesn’t sound very like my group of friends I know from school etc and I’m from a WC background. Could she think you’re not posh enough for her fancy mates or similar? Not that that makes it okay, I’d be binning her regardless, but she sounds like a twat and that was the first thing I thought of.

[OliviaBenson]

I'd be so upset op. I think I would have to say something but I'd try and phrase it as a question so she has to answer, rather than flounce off (which would be what I would really want to do!) something like that I'd seen the photos on Instagram and is there a reason why you wasn't invited as the only member of the bridal party not to be. See what she says but maintaining your dignity.

[sunshinewhereareyou]

@vikingwife her group is all very high end and wealthy. However, she has no idea I grew up poor and I've never really mentioned it.

Out of the two of us, I live the most "luxurious" life, we both trained in the same job but I left for a better position so earn more, go on holiday more, and we technically appear wealthy. So I'm not sure if it is that although he regularly does define people by their wealth. I am very opposite due to the way I grew up.

[sunshinewhereareyou]

@antihop the groomsmen are the boyfriends of the bridesmaids who met at uni, so it's half and half as university friends technically. I am still the only person not invited and I have to socialise with this people anyway for wedding prep and hen party...

[GimmeAy]

This all seems conflicting. Giving you the role of MOH but excluding you from celebrations. It's to do with one/both of your fiances I suspect.

[GimmeAy]

Message her quite simply - I see you've the whole bridal party away with you - did my invite get lost in the post?
See what she comes up with.

[PicsInRed]

OP, are quite organised and resourceful? Do you think you're her MOH because you're effectively a free wedding/events planner?

If so, end the MOH and the friendship. She's using you. You're a workhorse.