Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

@crosspelican I had my first baby in my 40s with no support. And guess what? I was fine! Honestly. Some of the comments on here are hilarious!

Having a first baby in my 40s was easy. I think a lot of people on here are saying 'no way' because they'd had their children already and don't want to go through it again. And that's fine. But those of us who had to wait until we were in our 40s before we had our babies weren't knackered in our 30s (we were most likely on a beach holiday knocking back the cocktails!).

The ageism is ripe on here.

For me personally yes it would be too late. Would I have felt differently had I not had children? Maybe. I was 40 when I had my youngest and I remember talking to my consultant about it (I did have some age related complications). And he did say he felt conflicted about older women having children. The risks are greater, to mother and baby and it was his professional opinion that post 40 was a risk.

Thing is- it’s not just ageism is it? It’s also a biological fact - it’s only because of donor eggs that many women after 45 can have children whether it’s the right thing to do or not

I had my son a few weeks shy of my 40th birthday. In hindsight, I definitely wish I'd had him 5 years earlier. There's no way I'd do it at 47!

Justgottokeeponkeeping. Completely agree with you 😊.

@user135664323455

Talk us through what being a friend means to you.

This.

I had my eldest at 31 (way too young for me!) and now youngest at 41. I got pregnant by accident aged 46 (must have messed up and missed a pill) and had no hesitating booking my first and only abortion. I just want to be around to see my kids reach a decent age.

@Urbanhymngirl

Thing is- it’s not just ageism is it? It’s also a biological fact - it’s only because of donor eggs that many women after 45 can have children whether it’s the right thing to do or not

Most women who get pregnant and deliver babies after 45 still do so naturally. I know it’s a shock but it’s what my consultant told me. IVF / donor eggs is the minority of pregnancies until you get to the over 50s.

Just because it may be better to be younger in an ideal world, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have a baby now she’s older.

The choice isn’t between “be a young mother” and “be an older mother”. The choice is between “be a mother” and “not be a mother”.

Women continuously become mothers in situations that might be considered “less than ideal”. Maybe they are poor. Maybe they are mentally or physically unwell. Nevertheless- they are capable of being mothers and should be supported.

So your friend will be older- so what? She and her partner can still be excellent parents. Age has no bearing on how good a parent you are. If I think of the wonderful parents and shocking parents I know, age is neithere here not there.

So they are likely to die earlier... but all of us could die sooner than expected, and this doesn’t negate the love and joy that will come before!

Think of pregnant women who are diagnosed with cancer... should they be judged for continuing with their pregnancies, knowing they will not see their child grow up? Of course not!!!

My parents were older having me (45 and 59) I know I may lose them sooner than my friends lose their parents, but every life has it’s own challenges. I have marvellous parents, I had a marvellous upbringing, we all love each other and I am very glad I exist.

[quote Nataliafalka]@CutieBear I have never come across a grandparent in their 40’s. Mind you I don’t know anyone in their 40’s with a 25 year old! I think it depends on your crowd. I’m thinking of my friends, have a few turning 50 at the moment and most still have a child in year 5 or 6. Granted, it’s their youngest of 2 or 3. My youngest is in year 6 and most of the mums in the class are mid to late 40’s with a couple who are 51/52. The youngest ones have just turned 40 and we all proclaim how young they are.[/quote]
I’d say that’s really unusual. I’m a primary school teacher in a middle class area and parents aren’t usually in their 40s unless their eldest is in their teens or 20s. When I was at primary school, my parents were amongst the youngest parents. However, I knew maybe 1 or 2 friends with parents in their 40s.

I certainly don't feel old compared to the other mums, but most are late thirties to mid forties anyway. Funnily enough, only a couple know I'm in my late forties. And were shocked when I told them. I've always looked a lot younger than my years. Thank goodness, as some of the comments on here are so prejudiced against older mothers. We have a history of having babies in our forties in my family. And my grandmother and aunties were brilliant mums and lived independently well into their nineties. My mother in law is still going strong and she was an older mother, and is a superb and fun loving grandmother to my children. Ironically, so many of my eight year old's friends have practically been raised by their grandparents who are in their sixties and seventies due to their parents work commitments. I was lucky to be financially solvent to take a career break to devote all my time to my children. There is no way we could have done that in our twenties and thirties. Yes, ideally we'd all have babies in our early twenties when biologically we are at the peak of our fertility. Life, however, doesn't always work out that way. I had a surprise pregnancy at 45 and gave birth at 46. It was a great pregnancy. I certainly shouldn't be stigmatised for having my beautiful, bright and healthy child. Also, there's been some evidence that children benefit greatly from having older mothers.

@CutieBear I’m really surprised at that. I don’t know anyone at my children’s local primary who isn’t in their 40’s.

I have two friends who had babies at 43 and 44, unassisted. Not perfect, but very little in life is. Nobody questions a man who has a child at 46.

What is way too old

I was almost 44 when gave birth

Wanted to be 32/33 but Mother Nature didn’t play ball, my dh died and 4 ivf failed

If I was 45/46/47 is that too old

For whom to say that’s too old

Too old. Much too old. And higher risk.

@Everythingnotsaved

46-47??? No way! That's far too old for a woman to have a baby at ALL. (The first one, or ANY one.) Come ON! I can't believe you even need to ask.

And yes, I think that about men too!

@Notfromthevalleys

Just because it may be better to be younger in an ideal world, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have a baby now she’s older.

The choice isn’t between “be a young mother” and “be an older mother”. The choice is between “be a mother” and “not be a mother”.

Women continuously become mothers in situations that might be considered “less than ideal”. Maybe they are poor. Maybe they are mentally or physically unwell. Nevertheless- they are capable of being mothers and should be supported.

So your friend will be older- so what? She and her partner can still be excellent parents. Age has no bearing on how good a parent you are. If I think of the wonderful parents and shocking parents I know, age is neithere here not there.

So they are likely to die earlier... but all of us could die sooner than expected, and this doesn’t negate the love and joy that will come before!

Think of pregnant women who are diagnosed with cancer... should they be judged for continuing with their pregnancies, knowing they will not see their child grow up? Of course not!!!

My parents were older having me (45 and 59) I know I may lose them sooner than my friends lose their parents, but every life has it’s own challenges. I have marvellous parents, I had a marvellous upbringing, we all love each other and I am very glad I exist.

I really agree with Notfromthevalley's post.

I am 33, not in a relationship and childless. Ideally I would be married and a mum by now but I have a chronic illness and life hasn't worked out that way for me.

If I got to 47, still childless and knew that with donor eggs (as I know the chance of using own eggs at that age is so low) I could conceive a baby then I think I would try.

People don't suddenly stop wanting to become Mums because they are over 40 and who knows if your friend might just as easily live to 77 / 87 and get to watch their child grow up.

@Magictreegossip

Too old. Not fair to the child. Adoption is an option, maybe adoption an idea

For a start, the 'just adopt' attitude is infuriating!

Adoption isn't as easy as getting a puppy from the pound like people think!

Also, adopting a baby in your late 40s is just as bad as giving birth to one. That age is still be too old to have a newborn.

A school friend of mine had parents in their sixties when we were teenagers. She had a brother who was 20 years older than her and I’m assuming she was a contraception failure in their mid-late 40s . She loved her parents dearly and had a pretty nice life although I do remember us all finding it weird that she was an Aunty!

Unsure whether her parents are still around but if they are, they’d be in their early 80s which is weird to think. My Mum is early 50s!

So much ageism on here. Especially towards women. No one is judging the millions of men out there fathering babies in their 40s/50s and beyond!

Age is just a number.
Biological age is more important than chronological age when it comes to fertility.
Yes 46/47 might be too late for some women but certainly not ALL.

I’m 45 & still hoping to conceive my 2nd.
I’m healthy, youthful, energetic, financially buoyant, & I look and feel much younger than my chronological age. I plan to live to 98 like my gran or 101 like my great aunt.

Life isn’t black and white. It’s all shades of grey. A child born to a parent in their mid forties is not guaranteed to lose their parent earlier than one born to a parent in their 20s/30s. As we have all learned this last year, life can throw you a curveball at anytime.

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

A school friend of mine had parents in their sixties when we were teenagers. She had a brother who was 20 years older than her and I’m assuming she was a contraception failure in their mid-late 40s . She loved her parents dearly and had a pretty nice life although I do remember us all finding it weird that she was an Aunty!

Unsure whether her parents are still around but if they are, they’d be in their early 80s which is weird to think. My Mum is early 50s!

Further to this. I know a couple of young women around my DD's age whose parents were 43-44 when they were born. Now they're in their mid 20's, their parents are 72-73, and it's really odd. (Most of their friends parents are in their early to mid 50s...!)

They love their parents, but are - and always have been - embarrassed by their parents age. Most people their age have grandparents that age.

Isn't it nature that's "ageist"? Sure when talking about parenting then there shouldn't be discrimination between women and men taking care of children, but for the actual pregnancy, there are issues with being an older woman. Granted you could be 47 get pregnant your first month of trying and have a smooth pregnancy but the stats are against that. I think a lot of women would be put off trying at that age as there's a much higher chance of miscarriage and developmental issues.

Agree @MimiDaisy11 ^

So if it’s fine to say someone is who naturally conceived is “too old” is it also ok to say they are “too fat”, or “live too unhealthy a lifestyle” or are “too poor.” What about those with chronic diseases like diabetes? Is there a set list of suitable criteria or is it just older mothers who are fair game?

@whoshouldItalkto

So if it’s fine to say someone is who naturally conceived is “too old” is it also ok to say they are “too fat”, or “live too unhealthy a lifestyle” or are “too poor.” What about those with chronic diseases like diabetes? Is there a set list of suitable criteria or is it just older mothers who are fair game?

Exactly!