Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

Too old or not is a very individual thing. On a regular basis I meet people in their 70's who have more energy than some in their 50's.

I first parented in my teens (shock horror) and then at 39. It's different for sure and there are both advantages and disadvantages BUT my over riding thought is it's bloody exhausting as you get older!

Everyone saying it's unfair on the child? Surely that depends on the health of the parent? I was 27 when I had my youngest and to be honest I felt too old then. Pregnancy was far easier at 19, I had a really hard time during my second pregnancy.
I couldn't imagine having a child that late but I suppose that's cause I've already done that.
I know people in their 20s who are obese and smoke and drink a lot on a weekend, don't excercise etc. Who struggle with their kids and are in poor health, but I also know an older couple, 46 and 47, who both regularly train (running, cycling, weights and swimming) who are in great health, she breezed through her pregnancy and hasn't had any struggles so far. Dropped her baby weigh straight away as she was back to training quite quickly (all be it more at home). Their baby is only 9 months at the moment, but they are in much better state health wise than myself and our younger friends.
So really it just depends on people's situations, health, and ability to care for a child.

the I'm sure they would rather existed than not argument is so stupid I am not even sure where to begin with it.

Ahhh I see it's a zombie. How is your friend op @Everythingnotsaved

What does her partner think (I may have asked that before)?

I hope she isn't thinking of doing it 'on her own'.

I've known a couple of people who had a baby at her age and one who was older but that was by accident and they had grown children. Of course 'the baby' was loved and cherished by all the family but they wouldn't have chosen another baby.

However, a first baby in late forties would be harder as your friend has no parenting experience.

Using donor eggs, if that indeed is what your friend intends and you don't know for certain, smacks of a certain desperation and selfishness. If she also plans to have donor sperm, the child would know neither of his or her genetic parents.

Maybe this is a last surge of being broody and she will see sense.

Someone earlier mentioning adoption - as if that is an easy option!

There are some really strange attitudes on this thread and I guess they must be based on what people imagine it's like to be in your 50s and 60s.

I am nearly 60 and I definitely feel fitter and have more energy now than I did in my 20s and 30s because I look after myself better. I'm not boasting, I think it's really common. Most of my friends are as fit as they were in their 20s and 30s. Life has really changed. Women over 50 aren't sitting in armchairs knitting anymore.

I could have easily coped with a baby in my 40s and 50s. I wouldn't want to because it would tie me down, but physically it wouldn't be a problem for me, or most women I know.

I don't see the problem. If your friend is still physically capable of having a baby then she can crack on - previous generations had babies up until they couldn't anymore, it is only social expectation that makes it unusual nowadays.

Also, I don't get the comments saying 'I was exhausted at 30, I definitely wouldn't want to do it at 46'. This woman really wants a baby and is clearly prepared to put in the work, she is only in her 40s, she's not 60!

I say good luck to her.

Yes OP, it is

It’s a zombie thread but I think if someone wants a child at that age and feels up to it then do it. My mum had me at 43 and now In her 70s she has loads of energy still.

@Everythingnotsaved

I see this is a zombie thread but it wasn't you who brought it back. Any updates? Did your friend go ahead with it?

My friend was 45 and 47 when she had hers. She is 84 now and enjoying her two year old grandson. She and her husband split just before her youngest was born.

My view on this is whereas I agree that you get 40 year olds who are more active and take care of themselves better than some 20 year olds, it's just a fact that the older you get the more prone to health issues you become. Not to mention health issues related to pregnancy at that age. Granted as mentioned on an individual level there can be some differences.

Also from the child's POV, presumably there will just be one child and so with one older parent ideally they should have a good support network around them so they don't become isolated.

We know some people are very successful parents later in life and are fit and well into old age, but this person is actually planning to have a first baby in her late forties.

@Maggiesfarm

We know some people are very successful parents later in life and are fit and well into old age, but this person is actually planning to have a first baby in her late forties.

And? What’s the problem with it? If she feels up to it I don’t see a problem.

I was 38 when I had my youngest and didn't find that hard and probably wouldn't have found it hard at 46 either, I had loads of energy. I'm now 54 with a 15yo and a 19yo, I find it exhausting, I potentially will have a child at home into my late 50's or with the way housing is going, into my 60's. Your friend could be cracking on for 70.

Lots of older parents where I live. The main thing she will need to compensate for how tough it will be for her is money. She will need more pairs of hands around her than a 27 year old. That could mean a night nanny (well, we'd all love that!), a part time nanny even during her maternity leave would make a huge difference, because her own parents are presumably too old to offer meaningful help.

The advantage of being older is that you presumably have more resources. Things like paid help (whether with the baby or with yor home in general), nursery, independent school (longer hours, more activities).

I think to be unable to afford a support system + 47 would be very hard work.

The older couples I know have very successful careers and resources, and their children are only children.

Everyone keeps saying they couldn’t face it coz of being tired and how horrid it will be dealing with teens when sees in her 60s.
I’m very neatly 45. My children are 18, 12, 2 and 6 months. I’ve not found dealing with the younger children as babies any harder whatsoever than when my older ones were small. I’m no more tired, no more stressed and have a German shepherd to deal with and a husband that works away for 5 days at a time aswell this time. It’s not a question that can be answered by anyone else except your friend. If she feels well enough and healthy enough then it’s up to her. Some people look/act 90 years old when they are 40 and some 90 year olds act decades younger it’s all so subjective and individual.
For those of you who couldn’t face having a baby in your 40s then great, don’t do it. Some of us can ‘face it’ and actually love it and can cope fine. Also I’ve not found the teenage years with my eldest in any way horrid or stressful he’s been absolutely fine and developed into a smashing young man with no arguments or stroppiness and my 12 year old is still fine. It doesn’t always have to be a nightmare and sorry if your kids were and you found it hard but it’s not guaranteed and definite that you’ll have a hard time. My children will have each other when we are gone and I’m working hard at fostering their sibling relationships. I never had siblings and my childhood was very lonely. When my mum/dad pass I’ll have no family except my husband and children. Mum had me in her late 20s. I’d rather she had me later and I had siblings than having me younger and no other children if I was given the choice.
I’ve got more than enough love , time and money to support and my children and am much more confident than when my eldest were small. And yes I’d love more and yes I will be trying and stuff anyone who wants to judge as only each individual knows their own circumstances and what they are capable of.

i know someone who had one at 46 albeit with donor eggs.

My mother was 43 when she had my younger brother and none of us would ever say we felt it impacted us negatively. If anything it was positive having older parents as they were much more financially stable and didn’t feel they were missing out on their careers or personal lives/travel by having a young family.

Literally the only negative I’ve ever felt is that if we also have children in our late thirties or older our parents will be very old grandparents. My mum is currently nearly 70 though and super fit, easily goes on 10 mile hikes, went backpacking with us within the last 4-5 years. My dad is similarly fit. I think a lot depends on your socio economic status to be honest - a grandparent at 70 from a wealthy educated background is statistically much more likely to be very healthy, fit and active compared to a 70 year old from a poor demographic.

The bigger issue is you can’t rely at all on getting pregnant at that age, even with ivf. It’s why I didn’t wait as long as my mum.

@notalwaysalondoner

My mother was 43 when she had my younger brother and none of us would ever say we felt it impacted us negatively. If anything it was positive having older parents as they were much more financially stable and didn’t feel they were missing out on their careers or personal lives/travel by having a young family.

Literally the only negative I’ve ever felt is that if we also have children in our late thirties or older our parents will be very old grandparents. My mum is currently nearly 70 though and super fit, easily goes on 10 mile hikes, went backpacking with us within the last 4-5 years. My dad is similarly fit. I think a lot depends on your socio economic status to be honest - a grandparent at 70 from a wealthy educated background is statistically much more likely to be very healthy, fit and active compared to a 70 year old from a poor demographic.

The bigger issue is you can’t rely at all on getting pregnant at that age, even with ivf. It’s why I didn’t wait as long as my mum.

Totally agree - I look after my health with a healthy exercise and keto , not drinking or smoking .

I had my first child at 29 youngest child at 39 and prob found last pregnancy much easier as was more experienced

@Babyroobs

i know someone who had one at 46 albeit with donor eggs.

That's gross. In my opinion.

Lots of people in their 40s and 50s are fitter with more energy than younger people. I dont think many people would say if you're physically disabled or morbidly obese you shouldn't have children because it might be tiring. It's harder to get pregnant at that age, but if she feels she can cope then go for it! She'll have loads of great life experiences that she can bring to parenting which 21 year olds wouldn't have.

It depends entirely on the people concerned. We were 43 and 38 when we had our first and, on reflection, we were too old. Both of us are absolutely knackered and she’s only 8 months 😂

DH has relatives who had a child late after years and years of treatment. She was mid 40s, her DH quite a bit older.

It's so unfair on the child. They didn't have the energy to discipline him as a toddler so he was quite wild and was often just given a tablet to keep him quiet. they have no friends with young children so he spends all his free time in the company of adults.

His father is now quite elderly and getting to that stage of being quite set in his ways.

Oh and he lost his last grandparent on either side at the age of 5 so has missed those relationships entirely.