Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

Throughout history women have been having kids till menopause. Its only recently, with contraception and smaller families that people stopped having kids so late.

Its really up to her and her personal life circumstances and health and energy and mental wellbeing really.

I had babies in my late thirties but wouldnt have been that concerned if I had just left it too late. If your friend is still 'thinking' about it she needs a shake. When will it be right, when she is 50, 55?

All these celebrities inttheir late 40's keeping very quiet about whether they have used donor eggs. Of course its not our business but stop giving the impression this is the norm.

And to the person saying that we will all be living until late 80's. My DH has a life limiting illness at 56, my parents are late 80's and I know they are waiting perhaps a little impatiently for the grim repear. They are both single and one is in a care home. I am waiting for the phone calls and my DF doesnt want to be here with all the health issues he has.

It's no-one else's business, but no-one would bat an eye or pass comment if it was a 47 year old man

They would actually. My dad was an old dad (same age as I am now when I was born) because he married twice and my mum was much younger. My uncle has also had two families and is in his 80s with a son in his very early 20s. However, sperm do degrade a bit more slowly than eggs so you are less likely to have a child with additional needs with an older father. It still isn't ideal though.

DH was 39 when DS was born and he was very glad he wasn't yet 40, it was the cut-off for him and among other things was a reason we didn't have any more children.

As for dying at any age, well yes it can happen but statistically people are likely to make it into their 70s at least.

Throughout history women have been having kids till menopause. Its only recently, with contraception and smaller families that people stopped having kids so late

It's not strictly true. DH is one of four and his mum had him when she was 35. My mum is one of five and her mum had her when she was 35. There does seem to have been a natural cut-off although obviously some women did have children well into their 40s, but not generally a first baby.

It's completely up to them (and the medical professionals who might help them) to decide.

(I forgot to say that both DH and my mum are the youngest in their respective families)

Exactly this. A parent can die at any age and there’s no guarantee they’ll be around until adult ‘child’ is 50 regardless of what age you have them

Chances of illness and death certainly don't decrease with age

I always post on these threads as the child of older parents. I know that people are 'younger' for longer now, so what went before may not be entirely relevant, and the generation gap is far smaller (my parents were born before WW2, me in the late 70s). But my whole life I've found people saying they have loads of energy for kids when starting their family in their 40s/50s frustrating. Parenting isn't just about babies and toddlers.

My parents were both too old and tired to parent us as teenagers after having us in their mid-40s (Mum) and early 50s (Dad). The effect on both of us was very negative, in different ways, but has had a lifelong impact. We lost one parent in our teens and one in our early thirties after a long period of frailty that left us caring for them physically and financially during our twenties. We were essentially without a functional parent before we were twenty.

If people are OK with active parenting well into their 60s and 70s, then that's great. Everyone is different. But being fit and able to 'run about after small children' is only part of the picture. And statistically you are more likely not only to die but also to get ill while your children are still very much young enough to need you - especially if they are no older siblings, as the younger members of a long family would have had in the past.

@ThetaSigma

It depends entirely on the people concerned. We were 43 and 38 when we had our first and, on reflection, we were too old. Both of us are absolutely knackered and she’s only 8 months 😂

You are spring chickens compared to the op's friend!

Things will improve, we are all knackered with an eight month old baby. Honestly, in no time at all you'll have your energy back. It really does happen.

Older parents can make a very good fist of parenting but having a child is a 'big thing'; the lady in question is thinking about her own needs (or 'wants'), and it shouldn't just be about that. You don't have kids out of self indulgence.

I am exactly that age and I think it would be madness. My youngest is 10 and I think I'm even a bit old to be parenting a child that age. And I am very fit and healthy and with plenty of pep in my step. The chances of having a child or children (multiple births a higher chance too) with disabilities is significantly higher and at a maternal age where you are staring into peri menopause, menopause and the joys of that.

My dad was 60 when I was born. I benefited so much from having a dad that was around all of the time and could spend time with me. Unfortunately he died when I was just 16 and that is the risk that you take when having children late in life. I do realise there is a big difference between 47 and 60 though.

I had my last child at 40 and she is now 10. I don't regret it at all.

I think it's up to the individual.

It’s fine. Up to 52 women can have a baby naturally so not sure what the issue is

@theleafandnotthetree

I am exactly that age and I think it would be madness. My youngest is 10 and I think I'm even a bit old to be parenting a child that age. And I am very fit and healthy and with plenty of pep in my step. The chances of having a child or children (multiple births a higher chance too) with disabilities is significantly higher and at a maternal age where you are staring into peri menopause, menopause and the joys of that.

You might feel differently though if you never had children.

If she can carry a pregnancy and has the energy for it, why not??

I wouldn't fancy the physical demands at that age, though.

@Ithinkyoucan

Throughout history women have been having kids till menopause. Its only recently, with contraception and smaller families that people stopped having kids so late.

Its really up to her and her personal life circumstances and health and energy and mental wellbeing really.

It’s only in relatively modern times that women lived long enough to reach menopause. Average female life expectancy in 1900 was 48.3 years.

@Nataliafalka

And 47 being grandparent age. Not in my world, most of us still have primary age kids although to be fair, mainly KS2

You’re the same age as my mum and I’m nearly 25. Late 40s are a normal age to start becoming grandparents. When I was at primary school, it was very rare to have parents in their 40s.

Bodies are very clever and she is trying to defy nature and biology in a way that affects not just her but also her child. Why doesn't she try to foster or adopt.

I personally wouldn't. My mum was a nan by that age. But its up to each person

You might feel differently though if you never had children

anyone who waits til 47 to have their first child is not that passionate about it though

Nowadays it’s most normal to have a mum who is 30 at birth. So countering with the ‘my mum is 47’ argument is absurd.

@Adrianneanneanne

You might feel differently though if you never had children

anyone who waits til 47 to have their first child is not that passionate about it though

Or they’re infertile and spend 20 years ttc. Stop being an arse

@CutieBear I have never come across a grandparent in their 40’s. Mind you I don’t know anyone in their 40’s with a 25 year old! I think it depends on your crowd. I’m thinking of my friends, have a few turning 50 at the moment and most still have a child in year 5 or 6. Granted, it’s their youngest of 2 or 3. My youngest is in year 6 and most of the mums in the class are mid to late 40’s with a couple who are 51/52. The youngest ones have just turned 40 and we all proclaim how young they are.

I have enormous sympathy for women whose only chance to have a baby is in their 40s. I would never say to anyone not to do it full stop - just to have that longer view of how long your child really needs you for. Ideally do you have a support network for them if anything happens to you? Are you prepared for some potentially shitty teenage years ahead?

Why are older parents so smug? Having money and a “relaxed and stable” home doesn’t mean you’re automatically great at parenting.