Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

It's 82.9years average life expectancy for women, not 89 years ( office for national statistics).

I'm not sure Bernie's impending fatherhood was that well received:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3869559-bernie-ecclestone-to-be-a-dad-again-at-89

erm no, natural conception is possible at 47 with a good outcome, but you can't bank on it.

oh and when I had my lovely healthy daughter naturally at 47, the obs consultant said she would entirely support me if I wanted to have a 3rd (so support from medical staff is perfectly possible).

We did feel we were done at that point however.

@pollypocket

I'm extremely upset and offended by your comment that parents who adopt don't love their children unconditionally. I have a daughter who came into our family through adoption and my husband and I couldn't love her more.

@Thisismytimetoshine

The most common age of death for women in the UK right now is 89. It is still fairly unusual for women to die sooner than this. Unusual??

Yeah, confused about this claim I must say.

89 is not the average life expectancy for women, it's closer to 83-84. Roughly half of women could be expected to reach that age, which means many die before that. Many also develop health problems years before death.

So in 20 years time she’d be 67....my dad was dead by then. Even if she isn’t let’s face it she’s going to be old.

My parents were 33 and 34 when I was born (4 years younger when my sister was born) and were both gone by the time I was 23 (and my sister obviously 27). Nothing genetic or that anybody could have possibly known when they decided to have a baby. Was my DM selfish for having her first baby when she was in good health and 29?!

You just can't know how things will go. Personally, I think it unfair of men of extremely advanced age who father babies in their 80s and beyond, as it's practically a dead cert that they will die before the child is even an adult. 80s is a completely different matter from 40s. That said, though, Bernie Eccleston's child will still likely have their mother around for decades of their life and neither she nor the child will ever want for anything that money can provide.

Contrast that with a woman who has a baby aged 23, discovers that the father is a complete deadbeat who never once sees or pays a penny for the child and leaves them with only a mother, whose life is a constant struggle for money to provide even the absolute basics. Whose child is worse off overall: Invisible Feckless Dad's or Bernie's?

@Mooballs

It's 82.9years average life expectancy for women, not 89 years ( office for national statistics).

82.9 is the average across men and women. 88.3 -89 is the modal range (ie the most common) age of death for women. People always drastically underestimate life expectancy - everybody I know in terms of grandparents, friends and family, who hasn’t dropped dead in an accident has lived until at least that. You need to remember that treatments for heart failure and pallitative cancer treatments have improved drastically while projected dementia rates at younger ages are going down as we live healthier lives. This has led to huge real life increases.

Do people think you wake up on your 40th birthday and are suddenly knackered all the time?

I must have missed that. Phew.

I agree that it's unfair on the child at that age. Even if they are fit enough to still play with a boisterous child in their 50s the children will certainly still be losing their parents as young adults and never meet their grandchildren.

But just because life expectancy is 89 doesn't mean that you're fit and healthy until then and suddenly pop off. Most likely you'll have years of health issues, building up to serious illness and death. I wouldn't want to be going off to uni and having to deal with my parents getting cancer/dementia/Parkinsons/stroke/heart attack at the same time. Yes I know these things could happen at any age, but statistically it is much more likely the older you get.

@GrumpyHoonMain

My grandmother only made it to 87. Most of my relatives exceeded that. Having worked in probate for years, I agree with you. And living with dementia for years, as awful as it may be, it's still the exception, not the norm.

My mum had me when she was 45, I was what was called a change of life baby!! She had her first baby at 18, I had nieces and nephews older then me. I really loved my mum but I would have liked a much younger mum, one of my brothers and his wife never had any children, so they spent a lot of time with me , people always thought my mum and dad were my grandparents. But saying that my mum lived till she was 96 and out lived one of my brothers. I would not have wanted a baby wen I was 47, in fact that was the age I became a nana.

She can do what the hell she likes!

One of my mummy friends had her child at 47, she's one of the best mums I know. I'm 28 and she's one of my best friends.

I'm 46 with two small kids. I feel fine. I don't look old. Husband is 14 yrs younger though so that probably helps!

Personally I find it weird when people become grandmas at that age. Grandmas to me are 70+ which would be perfectly feasible if you had a child at 47.

Only you know. I'd love to have more, but the last one nearly killed me, so no more babies for me. BUT if I were fine...I'd definitely think about it!

I probably am the oldest at the school gate, but honestly, no one realises, and no one cares.

My friend did it. She’s 50 now and her miracle long-awaited and much loved DCs are 3 and 1

After seeing the effects having old parents had on my best friend I wouldn’t do it. He’d planned both of his parents funerals from old age, they were 90s and 80s, by the age of 20. His nieces and nephews were all older than him too.

I had a child early 40s who has SN, and thank goodness I had them later in life, I am so much more confident, experienced and able to give them what they need - I was more unstable financially at 30 and working full time - so couldn’t just SAHM. So my child has had a much better start than when I was younger. No problems with energy levels tbh.

My Ex is early 50s and they are trying for a baby with his wife. All his mates are saying ‘go for it mate’ - when Ex and others were critical of me in my early 40s.

A real gender divide with this one! Men don’t even warrant comment until they hit 60. Grrrrr....

I'm 46 soon. I think no way!

But then maybe that's just because my two have worn me out over the last 11 years. If I hadn't had them yet maybe I'd feel fine...

Your friend is planning a baby and your response is to ask a bunch of strangers what they think about it?

I would say to old, but I think I'm to old at 40. I had my children when I was 23,25,27 and 35

A relative of mine had her second child at 46. It takes its toll and I don’t think it’s fair on the child.

@SummerCherry

I had a child early 40s who has SN, and thank goodness I had them later in life, I am so much more confident, experienced and able to give them what they need - I was more unstable financially at 30 and working full time - so couldn’t just SAHM. So my child has had a much better start than when I was younger. No problems with energy levels tbh.

My Ex is early 50s and they are trying for a baby with his wife. All his mates are saying ‘go for it mate’ - when Ex and others were critical of me in my early 40s.

A real gender divide with this one! Men don’t even warrant comment until they hit 60. Grrrrr....

What many of them might not know is that the risk of mental health problems for offspring increases with paternal age. Personally I wouldn't reproduce with any man older than early 40s.

I am 65 and very heathy. My genes tell me l will continue to be fit into my 90s l intend to be around for a long time yet. If l had a child 18 years ago it would have been fine.