Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

It's almost certainly a moot point. She is very unlikely to get pregnant at 46. Does she realise that?

@Magictreegossip

Too old. Not fair to the child. Adoption is an option, maybe adoption an idea

Why? She'll still be bringing up them children, who'll most likely come with complex needs and without any biological connection that makes her love them unconditionally?

My mum had my half sister at 42. Couldn't cope and me and my sister basically looked after her for the first 5 years. Up all night etc whilst my mum was in tears and not able to cope. The dad ran off.
My sister is now very teary about our mum being 70 and wont be around when my sisters children are born possibly. She thinks she will be on her own.
She wont be. I will always help her but in terms of parents she will have no one.
But that's the one 42 yr old I know who had a baby. Couldn't cope at all and now her baby is worrying about losing her at a young age. Very sad.
I think 46/ 47 is utterly selfish.

@Magictreegossip

Too old. Not fair to the child. Adoption is an option, maybe adoption an idea

Why? She'll still be bringing up them children, who'll most likely come with complex needs and without any biological connection that makes her love them unconditionally?

Plenty of people find that disgusting. But of course, men produce sperm all their lives, they are not born with a set amount as we are eggs, that age with us; they don't get pregnant, give birth, breast feed, go through menopause.

There is increasing evidence that a significant amount of age related developmental conditions are actually due to paternal age, not maternal age. For instance, yes the mother was 45, but the father was 58 and that was where the gamete quality lay.

I read something a couple of months back suggesting that sperm quality drops considerably after 40.

It’s not too old at all. If she wants to try that’s great.

@PicsInRed

Bernie Ecclestone is EIGHTY FUCKING NINE and there was barely a peep. Women have children their bodies are able to produce and birth at literally over 40 years younger and they are criticised. What a demented society.

But if someone posted that as a thread I reckon it would’ve been a unanimous - way too

So in 20 years time she’d be 67....my dad was dead by then. Even if she isn’t let’s face it she’s going to be old.

I don’t think it’s fair to burden a teenager/young adult with elderly parents.

I’m sure many will disagree and spout stories of how their parents lived an independent life till 97yo, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I think it's too old for a first really even if it were possible. The child will lose its parents very young and also have no siblings to help with elderly parents and to be their family.

@JacobReesMogadishu

So in 20 years time she’d be 67....my dad was dead by then. Even if she isn’t let’s face it she’s going to be old.

I don’t think it’s fair to burden a teenager/young adult with elderly parents.

I’m sure many will disagree and spout stories of how their parents lived an independent life till 97yo, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Sorry about your dad but The most common age of death for women in the UK right now is 89. It is still fairly unusual for women to die sooner than this.

I wonder how many 47 year old mothers of first borns live to be 89 though? By that age you would be considered a 'very very risky bet' by obs and gynae bods for sure - not without very good reason!!!!!

There is topic in this forum 46 and pregnant, 47 and pregnant... and hundreds of women who write in this forum manage to get pregnant and give birth in late 40s. The average life span has increased, fertility treatments as well, so having a baby at late 40s is a lot more common these days, also nature gives women the ability to conceive until menapause thats why many women in late 40s must use contraceptives. moreover life has no guarantee parents can be in their 20s and lose their life. None of your business to decide for other women and what they do with their fertility in any age!

It's almost certainly a moot point. She is very unlikely to get pregnant at 46. Does she realise that? She certainly can have a baby if she has the finances to chase her dream, everything has a price including babies.
I noticed many of the Ukraine babies new parents looked past their natural fertility stage.

there is a fertility window for a reason” they have hit the nail on the head!

The thing is the fertility window is a varied one, and for some women (probably not the majority to be fair) it does go up to late 40s.

Mt sister's running club buddy has recently fallen naturally and unexpectedly pregnant at 47. She couldn't face a termination. If you go on the pregnancy choices board here, every day sees a forty something woman shocked she's pregnant because society told her she wouldn't fall pregnant.

Where I'm from (border of NI/ROI) the influence of the churches on contraception meant many women had children til they could no longer have them, and that was generally mid 40s, sometimes a bit later.

When I was at school both my neighbour and school mate's mum's fell pregnant at 45 the boys are in their 20s, their mums, when I've seen them around town, look well (one looks way younger than her age). My great aunt had her DD at 45 - her DD (mid 40s) very close to and supportive to her mum (she also has a v good job and travels extensively, her mum is well enough and independent enough for that setup). In fact given her mum's relationships with her other children, I'd wonder who would be there to support her and be company for her if she hadn't had a "late" child.

What i would say that these are all natural pregnancies, and the older someone is (the further towards the maximum age for the "late" contingent in terms of fertility) the more dicey I suppose it is; when only a small minority of women would fall pregnant naturally at that age (say 46/47 upwards), and you're using younger, donor eggs to get pregnant .. I suppose you are pushing into "unnatural" (with all inherent implications) territory.

I suppose donor eggs do eliminate many of the risks (?) Father's age is also important however .. I think if the father is older, I honestly don't see why you wouldn't just go the whole hog and use donor sperm too

The most common age of death for women in the UK right now is 89. It is still fairly unusual for women to die sooner than this.
Unusual??

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

I wonder how many 47 year old mothers of first borns live to be 89 though? By that age you would be considered a 'very very risky bet' by obs and gynae bods for sure - not without very good reason!!!!!

Having a child in your forties (whether natural or IVF) is actually often a marker of longevity and good health. People think it’s easy to get pregnant and have a life baby with IVF but the success figures for live births are in the single digits (even with donor eggs / embryos) with fit and healthy women doing better than unhealthy ones. The 70 yo mothers who gave birth in India had no high blood pressure, no diabetes and were still lugging 10kg water pots around until they got pregnant!!

Talk us through what being a friend means to you.

This. With bells on.

Talk us through what being a friend means to you.

This. With bells on.

Old for a woman, maybe not a man.

I read something a couple of months back suggesting that sperm quality drops considerably after 40.

Unless it has changed fertility clinics won't use sperm from a male donor over 39/40 ..this is something people, particularly men (and some women) who love using fertility as a stick to beat women with ...are strangely ignorant about.

(I think eggs donors limit is commonly 35, sometimes 30 incidentally .. not exactly a huge gap).

@Thisismytimetoshine

The most common age of death for women in the UK right now is 89. It is still fairly unusual for women to die sooner than this. Unusual??

Agree. Is this the correct statistic as I know very few people who have lived this long. Those who I do know of have had dementia etc and required full-on care.

@Daisy12Maisie 'My mum had my half sister at 42. Couldn't cope and me and my sister basically looked after her for the first 5 years. Up all night etc whilst my mum was in tears and not able to cope. The dad ran off. '

I think that says more about your mum and possibly the situation that she was in with the dad, than the ability of 42 year old mums in general. I had newborn and a toddler at that age, and a DH that worked away. I was fine. My SIL however was on the phone to her mum every night in tears when her dc was born. At 33. Her Dh was also a very hands on dad, and he did all the cooking and housework.

People cope differently irrespective of age.

Well it depends if she can get pregnant. She's not too old at 47 in numbers she will in in her mid 60s when the baby is 20. Only she knows if she has the energy for it. I had mine aged 25 and 28. I'm pretty tired lol. But then again look at sue Radford. She puts me to shame with her energy lol

Hi,

Your friend would only be able to have a baby at that age using donor eggs/embryos. I had twins age 46 using donor embryo and am now 60 with 13 year old twins. I did this on my own as a solo mum.

I would recommend some counselling to go over the issues involved in having a child using donor conception in addition to being older. I would recommend she contacts the Donor Conception Network who have a helpline and she can talk to other older mums about their experience.

As a solo mum with twins is would have been tough anyway, but I was lucky to have my mum's help at weekends. Being financially secure and able to pay for night nanny etc would help.

What you need to think about is the future. You need to think about a guardian if something happens to you etc. I also went through menopause and had to look after my elderly mum while holding down a part time job and looking after twins. But I did it! It was the best thing I have every done and I went though so much to have my children.

They are lovely kids and I do not feel significantly 'old' at 60 now they are teenagers. They don't feel I am old! It is an attitude of mind, but you need to be prepared for really hard work!

Am happy to answer any questions. Everyone is different, but there are significant factors in being an older mum and that is mainly living a long life to see your children through adulthood....

C xx

I'm 43 and I feel healthier than I did in my teens/20s because I eat more etc. I'd definitely cope with a baby better than when I was in my teens/early 20s, my MH condition wasn't managed and I was probably anaemic from lack of food.