Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

Egg donation isn't a miracle. Outside the UK, it's highly exploitive.

Had twins at 44 (donor eggs, went to Spain) and it's amazing! Over a decade ago now, yes I'm a bit less active than I used to be but not too bad, we go for bike rides and swimming etc and DH (younger than me) is fantastic at playing football and cricket etc. OK I was the oldest Mum at the school gates at primary school, but someone has to be.....

I'd say go for it! We could all be run over by a bus tomorrow, grab life while you can! Tell her I recommend it 100%!

Too old and she's being very selfish.

@lightsoul

I am 65 and very heathy. My genes tell me l will continue to be fit into my 90s l intend to be around for a long time yet. If l had a child 18 years ago it would have been fine.

Your genes don't dictate when you die . Unfortunately, they don't make you impervious to disease or accident.

This is a decision noone elses opinion can possibly have any validity . Me ? Nope absolutely not ? I am 41 and I am done . I am e hoisted with a 7 and 4 year old and only now having any semblance of life , however that's rather the point I've been incredibly fortunate to have two DC. I used to have a friend who was desperate for DC and it didn't happen she was in her early 50's when I knew her and had started to accept it wouldn't happen. Believe me if she had conceived at 46/7 or even above there would have been so much celebration.
Yes I know the risks ar higher but for her so so worth the risk and I would have celebrated along with her.

Everyone is different.

I was 43 when I had my last baby. Its fine. I just worry about not being around. I am that type of person though. She is 9 and I am now 52. Its fine. I had children when I was quite young and ones when I was a lot older. Tbh, I hated it when I was younger. Always wanted to be doing other things like my friends. I am at peace with raising kids now. There are hard moments whether you are young or older. I don't really see it being a huge issue.
I think it also depends upon circumstances too. If she has met someone later in life and wants a baby then I can understand that 'need' Being a couple, you have each other for support. If something would happen, there is always the other partner.
If she is thinking of going it alone, I think that would be much harder and if I think much more worrying with only one parent to rely on.

I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t have a child with a man that old either. I had mine at 40 and somewhat regret it. However, I also think people under 25 are, mainly, too young. So I have a pretty narrow view of a “good”age for babies.

In any case. it’s her life, not yours or mine so other than to point out the disadvantages you see if she asks, it’s kind of irrelevant what we think.

I don't see how a thread on netmums is going to help your friend?

What are you going to say?,Hi Jane,a couple of random internet strangers say your too old to be having a baby so close up shop love and forget it.

Or you can support your friend:I remember a woman on OBEM having her 1st at 48.

My dad was in his mid 40s when he had us and I miss him. He died before I got married, or had a much wanted daughter. I feel much too young to not have my dad.

This topic always provokes opposing opinions on here.

My midwife was looking after a pregnant woman aged 51, natural conception, and a huge shock pregnancy. I worked with a woman who had an unplanned pregnancy at 48, went on to have a healthy baby.

I also know someone who has just had a first baby at 46 after 16 years of infertility struggles.

@babaindigosheep

I'd say yes..too old. I also don't see the point when you are using donor eggs and the child isn't biologically yours anyway. You've carried a baby, not your child.

This is one of the most offensive posts I have read yet. What is wrong with you. This is a Mums group and highly regarded for infertlity where many women need to use donor gametes for a variety of reasons. How DARE you judge.

If it’s what she wants, she should go for it - but it may not be plain sailing.

My SIL had her one and only at 46; a much loved child, and never had the slightest hint that she is struggling or is too old, but I believe she had a number of miscarriages first, and it was a difficult pregnancy. It may not have ended so happily.

I think the problem is when the kids hit teenage years.
You will be in your sixties and coping with a raging stroppy teen will be very hard.
I think it is unfair on the child. You are not going to be as fit after child rearing as you might have been......so the child has more chance of being a carer.

Usually I’m a very live and let live kind of person but I know of someone who went abroad and had IVF at 56 and had twins one has severe SEN, this has caused a lots of problems on the family and now he’s 10 and getting stronger and mum is 66 and struggling to cope sad situation

My mum and dad became grandparents at 47 and 46. I was a young mum.
Even then my mum said it was lovely looking after ds but she was so thankfully I was the one doing night feeds etc.
If your friend has support from family and friends and feels able she may decide to go for it but I wouldn't.
I m 52 now with adult dc and i need my sleep! I also went through the menopause at 44 so couldn't anyway.
And I have arthritis so really not as fit as i was in my 20s and 30s.

My genes tell me l will continue to be fit into my 90s l intend to be around for a long time yet.

That is often out of your control - no-one can say how long they will live, good genes or not.

My ex partner, her dad was a year older than my nan, it always felt odd to me

My relative struggled to get pregnant for 24 years, she married at 22 and tried for a baby pretty soon after. Countless (and I mean countless) attempts at ivf they gave up when my relative was around 40. Then at 46 (her husband 52) they decided to have a go at ivf abroad. It worked and they had twins, they aren't donor eggs or sperm (if they are well it's an uncanny match looks wise!). In my relative's case it wasn't too late, they tried and tried and tried and she just couldn't keep her pregnancies. Their age isn't an issue (children are 6) but who knows what the future holds. Their parents are very fit and healthy and they have very fulfilling lives.

What I don't agree with is woman either putting off children or suddenly deciding they want them at 40 plus when they expressed no interest before. If they'd have cracked on 10 years earlier they could have had a child no problem, there's an element of choice in this situation, not so much in my relative's case.

@lightsoul

I am 65 and very heathy. My genes tell me l will continue to be fit into my 90s l intend to be around for a long time yet. If l had a child 18 years ago it would have been fine.

I really hope you do stay healthy for another thirty years. But please do not make life changing decisions based on this belief.

None of us knows what will happen as we begin to age and slow down.

Being the parent of a teenager in your sixties might be fine for some, but the chances of Ill health are greater.

I am forty, my parents are seventy and, while they are still in great health, I notice they are slowing Down and don’t have as much energy or patience with the grandchildren.

Unfortunately none of us escapes the aging process. No matter how strong we believe our genes are,

@ivfdreaming

Far too old. Very selfish at that age

Is it selfish to have a baby at 21 with no career? A child growing up in relative poverty?

Is it selfish to have 3+ kids, because you won’t be able to help them financially get on their feet as an adult ?

Is it selfish to have a child when you have health problems ?

No it’s not and nobody would ever say that... and it’s none of their business! I think your friend should weigh up the risks and decide for herself. I bet she has a lot of love to give and that child would be cherished.

I think everyone should decide for themselves,
I’m fit and healthy but I do hear friends of my age moan about aches and pains I don’t experience and don’t expect for another 20 years.
I’m in a That age group but have teenagers so have had all the teenage issues with my early menopause. At least you will go through that when they are still young.
To your friend . Definitely have a baby don’t spend the rest up f your life thinking what a if.

Ffs - you do all realise that foster carers look after the most troubled teenagers in their 50's/60's/70's

They are desperate for us to go back to fostering teenagers now the last ones are at uni

Yes too old....she's left it far to late in life. Her child would.havebto deal with an elderly mum at a young age ,dementia etc another point is she will not even see her grandchildren grow up..very sad and selfish

Not ideal. I conceived 2 very easily in my forties. One planned, one not. Yes I worry about the future but we all do the best we can with our situations. Some of the comments on here make me feel sad though and I expect I’m judged quite harshly for my choices.