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Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?
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Everythingnotsaved · 12/07/2020 19:03

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ShastaBeast · 12/07/2020 19:06

It’s up to her (and her OH if there is one). Plenty of grandparents end up caring for kids, some full time if needed. I wouldn’t fancy it but I found it hard twenty years younger.

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JizzPigeon22 · 12/07/2020 19:06

Way too old

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ComeOnEileen11 · 12/07/2020 19:08

Just because it's possible, doesn't mean she should. Definitely too old.

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Sakura7 · 12/07/2020 19:09

It's not fair on the child. I say this as someone whose oldest parent was a couple of years younger than your friend when I was born.

I had to deal with dementia, cancer and death at a younger age than any of my friends. It's very isolating, especially to an only child (or child with much older siblings). There is also a huge cultural difference.

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rubyslippers · 12/07/2020 19:09

I am 45
I have two kids and it’s rough / teen and tween and house full of hormones
It’s knackering etc etc
I wouldn’t in a billion years start at 46 / 47 years
BUT that’s me
It’s intensely personal decision and truly life changing

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Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/07/2020 19:09

Well, it's possible, but no way would I do it.

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somewomenneedaslap · 12/07/2020 19:09

To old.

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LunaNorth · 12/07/2020 19:10

I wouldn’t fancy it, but I have no idea what kind of relationship set-up or support network your friend has.

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Somethingorotherorother · 12/07/2020 19:10

Definitely too old. My aunt had one at 45 and then IVF twins at 47, she regrets it.

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Divebar · 12/07/2020 19:11

Lots of women have babies in their 40s now so it’s not unusual. It depends on her and her energy levels I would have thought... is she pretty fit and well? She’ll be tired but she won’t have anything else to compare it against ( unlike people who have babies early and then go onto have more children later). Ultimately it’s her and her partners choice so you don’t need to “ think “ anything about it really

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LunaNorth · 12/07/2020 19:11

@Somethingorotherorother

Definitely too old. My aunt had one at 45 and then IVF twins at 47, she regrets it.

Oof, that’s a bit harsh.
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Divebar · 12/07/2020 19:12

I’m 50 by the way with an 8 year old and I feel fine. 🤷‍♀️

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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/07/2020 19:12

No far too old. It's possible, but she would be 60 when the child is 13. Very unfair on the child.

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cptartapp · 12/07/2020 19:13

My 47 year old friend had twins last year. Her first set are 17!

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Somethingorotherorother · 12/07/2020 19:13

@LunaNorth they all have additional needs, they are exhausting, her husband left and she's now 60 raising 3 incredibly difficult, destructive teens by herself.

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NoWordForFluffy · 12/07/2020 19:13

@ComeOnEileen11

Just because it's possible, doesn't mean she should. Definitely too old.

This!
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Sakura7 · 12/07/2020 19:13

Lots of women have babies in their 40s now so it’s not unusual.

Early 40s, sure. Late 40s is definitely unusual, and with good reason.

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ivfdreaming · 12/07/2020 19:14

Far too old. Very selfish at that age

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Pebblexox · 12/07/2020 19:14

Only your friend can make that decision. For me personally, I wouldn't want a baby at that age.
Babies are hard work, and tiring and I just can't imagine running around after them when I'm in my 40s. However I personally wanted children before 30, so it really is just a personal choice.

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LunaNorth · 12/07/2020 19:14

@Somethingorotherorother that’s really sad. I hope things improve for them all.

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Magictreegossip · 12/07/2020 19:15

Too old. Not fair to the child. Adoption is an option, maybe adoption an idea

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Pebblexox · 12/07/2020 19:15

I also think people forget about the fact the child grows. Does she want to be dealing with a hormonal teenager when she's in her 60's? If so go for it.

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transformandriseup · 12/07/2020 19:15

Several women in my family have had babies as late as early 40's but I think think any later is just too late.

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user135664323455 · 12/07/2020 19:16

Talk us through what being a friend means to you.

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suziedoozy · 12/07/2020 19:16

If she is fit and healthy I don’t see why not.

It also depends on whether she is financial secure enough to be able to pay for help eg cleaners / nursery etc to give her a break.

I had my first at 42 but seem to have the same level of tiredness as mum friends a decade younger but being more mature has been a benefit in terms of greater confidence in myself, less stressed and more money to make life easier.

But I’ve be able to pay for a cleaner / a few hours of care each week from when they were very small to have a break plus nursery for a few days each week even though I don’t really need it.

If she wants to I don’t see why not but I wouldn’t leave it much later.

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