Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

Yes, definitely too old.

Before contraception became widely available it was relatively common for women to have babies well into their 40s. I think if she feels like she can do it, is financially secure and has a solid marriage then why not?

Having your 5th baby in your early 40s, sure.

Having your first baby at the age of 47, however, is extremely rare.

I had my first two in my mid and late twenties. I'm now 40 and have just had my last baby. I do feel more tired and have had some problems but not age related. So apart from I'm not finding it much different to when I had my older two.
I'm not sure I'd want one any later but no harm in trying. I certainly wouldn't judge someone if they wanted a baby at that age, although I'd worry that it might not be that easy to get pregnant.

Even if she buys a younger woman’s eggs Which is yet another argument we could have. she will still have a higher risk of having an autistic child as research is point to the fact that the older the father is the higher the risk.

A woman I was at school with has two small children, so she must have been about 46 when she had the first, and 48 the second. I'm really pleased for her and her husband!

Holy Hunter had twins at 47!

Talk us through what being a friend means to you that made me laugh out loud!

OP it really depends. How healthy she is, what her body age is, how much energy she has. Some people look and have the body age and energy levels of someone ten years younger than they are. At 60, 70 they can still have energy and youthfulness.

Threads like this really touch a nerve. Some of us don’t have a choice when we become a parent. I‘m 48 with a two and three year old.

While I may not have planned to be an older mum, being older does mean our children benefit from one of us being able to afford to be a sahp, we have a more child friendly house and garden than we could have afforded in our 30s or 40s and as parents, we are much more chilled than we would have been previously.

I’m not the oldest mum at the school gate and I’d say a third of local mums had a baby in their 40s, so we are not such a rare breed either.

Some of these posts are ageist and verging on hurtful.

She might not even be fertile .

And is she a long term thinker that she's like a baby or is this recent ?
What has changed her mind now ?

I am an advocate of "Just because it can be done doesn't mean it should be done "

Talk us through what being a friend means to you Well user1356 I'd include worrying about my friends health and her potentially going on a wild goose chase for a dream she probably won't achieve And if she does at what cost to her own health or the baby's .

Because , let's be honest - I'd say chances are she isn't an Olympic athlete with a high fitness level who'll spring back to health . .

I think it's too old, but women who wan't to go ahead with a baby at that age, must have thought about any risks, and about being an older Mother .

article

Interesting article at being pregnant when you are older, and the increased risks it carries.

Its not something I would want to do personally but I’m not about to get my knickers in a twist about it if others choose to.

And yes it’s possible to conceive at 46 but it’s not likely to happen naturally.

It’s not agist to point out the very real problems that can come along with choosing to have a baby when you’re over 40. It’s common sense.

Some of these posts are ageist and verging on hurtful.

Biology - in particular fertility - is inherently ageist though.

Up to her and her body if she can conceive but for me too old. The thought of a teenager in my 60's is scary.
I have been a young mum (21) and an older mum (36 and 38) and although I'm now more financially stable I have much less energy. I have a 10 and 12 year old and I'm 48. It's tiring, the thought of having a baby at my age horrifies me!

If she becomes pregnant naturally no problem,but not if she plans to go down any other route.

I know someone who had an unexpected pregnancy at 48,she sailed through pregnancy and childbirth.No understanding of women who say it’s to old of course it isn’t.

Honestly, I’m really not trying to be a shit judge friend. She’s been going round in circles for years about it and still doesn’t seem to think there is an urgency about her situation if she wants kids. I just listen & offer a shoulder & no judgment. I’m just interested as I read such wildly differing and often contradictory views on mumsnet.

And I get how painful the subject is for many people of course

@Rufus27 Some of these posts are ageist

I think you're seeing things that aren't there because this is close to home - there is nothing ageist about pointing out the scientific facts of late motherhood and the ageing process.

I'm 49 and have got 4 grandchildren. I had 3 for the day yesterday, and was in bed by 8pm with a pounding headache

The child faces losing their parents in their 20s or at best their 30s. DH lost his mum at 18 (she died of cancer) and it's had a huge effect on his life. To put a child through this by choice? It's very selfish and about their needs, not those of the child.

I know someone who had a baby (first, natural conception) at 47. She developed pre-eclampsia, had to have an emergency caesarian at 36 weeks and nearly died.

Some of these posts are ageist and verging on hurtful

I'm sorry it's touched a nerve but it's not ageist to point out the very real drawbacks, particularly for the child. I say this as someone who was that child, and had to deal with a load of heavy, traumatic life events well before my time. For some people it works out ok but for many it doesn't, and there's no reason these issues shouldn't be discussed.

I was early 40s when I had DS, and I wouldn't want to be any older than that. I'll be pushing 60 when he turns 18. The other thing is menopause floored me (HRT helped a lot, admittedly) - I would not have wanted to be going through menopause while coping with a toddler and being woken at 6am every day. (On the good days.)

Yes, people do it. I personally wouldn't.

I live in London and there are plenty of women in their 40s having babies.

I have a friend who had her first and only DS at 47, he's totally fine and healthy, but she did use a donor egg.

It was quite normal to have a child at that age 100 years ago.
Many women had children right up to the menopause.

I don't see any difference whether it's your 1st or your 10th.

No one would bat an eye at a man being a father at that age for the firs time.

Incredibly sexist posts and opinions here.

Women aged 45 now are likely to live till their late 80s.

Sixes holly Hunter did have twins at 47 but has always refused to confirm or deny whether she used donated eggs which means she probably did.

Honestly I think it’s far too old. I’ve been mulling over having a third baby at 41 (had DC1 at 36 and DC2 at 38 and that felt perfect). I actually think I’m too tired nowadays to go back to newborn stage. Also, I’d be over 80 when they celebrated their 40th birthday.

Maybe I’m slightly influenced by both my dad and MIL being mid-60’s and really useless with helping with their grandchildren. They both act really old and incapable of looking after young kids. I want to be young and a helpful part of my future grandchildren’s lives.