Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

There’s no guarantee that just because you have a child younger they won’t have to deal with loss and parental declining health at a young age.

YANBU.
I had a friend growing up who had her when they her mum was 48 and her dad was 50. She hated it and got badly bullied over it.
Highly selfish to have kids at that age.

I personally wouldn’t put myself through it at that age, but I understand why people may.

I am in very good health, I was 26 when I had my first baby and early 30’s with my second, and I am a good weight, yet I still had complications with both pregnancies both during and after the birth.
I feel that for myself, adding extra risks which may come with older age would be too much stress on my body, and I imagine it would be the same for many others.

Entirely up to her.

Too old and very low odds by that age anyway.

I had a scare at 47, not my first I had 3 children in my twenties, but I had a slip up and then missed a period, at that point I went through a range of emotions weighing up whether I could have the child and whether it would be fair to not only the child but my other children, it was hard and I honestly dont know what my choice would have been if it hadnt been a false alarm. My BF was elated and wanted me to have a baby, but it opened my eyes to the risks both to health and future well being of the child with an older parent. Its an individual choice but I am now 55 and if I had been pregnant that child would now be 8 and my life very different.

I don't hear these comments about men who become fathers at that age.

Why the difference?

Some of my friends lost their parents when they were in their teens or twenties.

No one knows what's round the corner and the likelihood is that a woman aged 45 now will live for another 40 years.

The point is not whether you would do it based on your own energy levels, but if someone should.

There are people who are terrible parents in their teens and 20s. Surely it's better to be a mature parent who offers stability ?

It's too old. I always felt sorry for friends whose parents were already in their 60s when I was at secondary school.

I haven't ticked either YABU or YANBU as I think it is a decision only she can make.

I had my youngest at 40. I know a couple of people with big families who had their youngest at older than that.

It is very tiring having a baby, even more so a toddler, and as the mother of teens now, it doesn't actually get less tiring, just now it is emotional stress instead of broken nights.
I wouldn't want to do it, I am very glad I don't have a 6 year old now.

I think it is also worth remembering, that grandparents will be too old to be fun, or already dead, and the likelihood of you and your partner both surviving until they are 18 gets smaller as you get older. Grim realities of aging.
Don't forget, she may also end up looking after an elderly parent and a toddler.

Out of interest, those people saying it just isn't meant to be - would you say the same to a younger woman who was unable to conceive without IVF?

I had my first 2 DD’s in my early 20’s .. and then 2 more (adopted) at 33 & 38.. I don’t regret doing this, but if I’m honest having a 16 year old & 12 year old at 49 is totally bloody exhausting..
I have little patience left for the drama of girls this age and find it all very stressful a lot of the time ( especially as both have SEN).. The idea of a baby in my 40’s would have given me nightmares 😱😳

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@IcedPurple Sorry but you are incorrect. I have my family tree going back to the late 1700s. Most of the families in the 1800s had 9-10 children with the ages of the mother there.
My MIL came from a family with one of 9 ( she was born in the 1920s.)

No one says it is harder to conceive in your late 40s, but neither is it impossible. Factually, the ovaries go into overdrive as the menopause approaches which is why there are quite a number of surprise babies in women aged 45- 49 who have given up on contraception.[/quote]
I have no idea about your family tree, but to say it was the norm for women to have babies in their late 40s 100 years ago is just not true. It has never been the norm.

And no, there aren't "quite a number of surprise babies in women aged 45- 49". These births do happen, but statistically they are very rare. Only about 2000 women over the age of 45 give birth every year in Britain. That's a tiny proportion of the overall numbers.

I had my one and only at 42, I'm now 47 and I seriously wouldn't fancy another now. But whilst I find it more tiring than I would have 20 years ago, I've a lot more disposable income which means more activities for my ds with people who are physically up to running around (scouts, etc). So it's truly up to how your friend feels she can cope.

I had my one and only at 42, I'm now 47 and I seriously wouldn't fancy another now. But whilst I find it more tiring than I would have 20 years ago, I've a lot more disposable income which means more activities for my ds with people who are physically up to running around (scouts, etc). So it's truly up to how your friend feels she can cope.

@JinglingHellsBells - I see it purely from the health aspect myself when it comes to being a mother, though I do feel a bit Ick that Bernie Eccleston has just had (or is just having- I skimmed so no idea if they’re born yet) a baby at 80 odd.

I don't hear these comments about men who become fathers at that age.

There have been threads on that subject which received similar responses. Biologically men can become parents at a later age than women, but that doesn't mean they should. The child's well being should be paramount, and I believe that is impacted by having significantly older parents, whether it's the mother, father or both.

Sorry, but yes. Way too old.

I had dcs at 25, 32 and nearly 40. I would say all the pregnancies were similar along with my energy levels. I wouldnt plan any more children now. (nearly 42) Everyones circumstances are different and it depends on your friends overall health and any other potential risk factors.

I know it's considered different for men but my DH is 48, we have a two year old. He's fit and healthy and I don't see him slowing down anytime soon, granted there is a big age gap between us, I'm in my early thirties.
I'd go for it as long as you're prepared that things might not be as straightforward as they may have been when you were younger.

Unlikely to carry a baby to full-term at that age even if fit and healthy. I know some do but usually with other babies at a younger age. And yes, do not under-estimate how tiring a first baby at that age will be. It doesn't matter if you feel 'up to it' when they're a baby, you'll not do by the time they're five or even ten!

Being fit and healthy at 49 is irrelevant, really. You've no idea what you'll feel like in 10 years time.

*I don't hear these comments about men who become fathers at that age.

Why the difference?*

I would have thought the difference is obvious: most men in their late 40s are still quite fertile (although maybe less so than they were 15 years previously) while most women are not. Also, chances are their female partner will be younger than them, so the child will have at least one younger parent.

All that said, I also don't think men should become fathers much beyond their mid 40s, so no double standards here.

Def too old .. very high risk of special needs at that age !

I had a baby at 44.
I feel like I’m in my 30’s still
My Grandmother had my uncle when she was 47.
It’s up to her.

Definitely not. I am 50 and have an 11 year old, making me 39.5 when I had him and I was 35 with DC1. I am a very young and very fit 50 year old who looks a lot younger.

I am knackered. I have suffered menopausal symptoms for 3 years, my DC have loads of energy and I am spent. I look forward to being 60, carefree and swigging Prosecco and travelling.

Having DC after 43 is pretty selfish IMO. I am the oldest mum in my year. It’s embarrassing.