Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

It’s possible but I feel it’s too old- you just get too tired and raising children is draining, children get really embarrassed about their parents and old parents are just too embarrassing - my husband spent most of his childhood being embarrassed about his “old “ patents - born to them in their 40’s, generation gap just too wide

Assuming she is 47 when baby comes, she'll turn 60 the year the child turns 13. I had mine young, so I'm in no position to speak, but I can barely handle a 17 year old now, let alone a 17 year old at 65!

" She’s been going round in circles for years about it and still doesn’t seem to think there is an urgency about her situation if she wants kids"

What is "her situation"?

If she's been trying to decide for years then she can't be that bothered?

I think there is a lot of people on here going nowhere way could I go through that again’ and I agree. I might feel differently if I had none.

I had mine at 43 and 47 (the old fashioned way). They are the joy of my life (and are very healthy). So I would say go for it. Thing is, an unwanted pregnancy can be the worst thing ever, a very much wanted pregnancy is a great joy.

My heart goes out however to anyone having a baby at this "unprecedented" time, of health fears and healthcare strangenesses.

It would be too old for me. I can't judge for anyone else.

My mum was very active and energetic at 50 but by 60 had become markedly more tired and 'old' (60 is not old, but I can't think of another word that fits). But I have colleagues of 60+ who haven't aged like that at all. Everyone is different and whilst the thought of parenting a teenager in my sixties exhausts me, it would be perfectly fine for some people.

I'm 38 I've just had my second and I feel too old. I think it depends on your health but it's not ideal..

@jinglinghellsbells

*No one would bat an eye at a man being a father at that age for the firs time.

Incredibly sexist posts and opinions here.*

Yeah, unfortunately for women, biology is a real thing. It's not sexist to point out that a woman aged 47 will have a much, much higher chance of conceiving a child with health issues, and dying while that child is still young. The fact of the matter is that the medical risks to the child just aren't anywhere nearly as high with an older father.

Too old IMHO.

Incredibly sexist posts and opinions here.

I haven't seen one poster here claim it's ok for the man to be older and not the woman, so I'm not sure where you're finding the sexism.

Women aged 45 now are likely to live till their late 80s.

Early to mid 80s if we go by average life expectancy, which doesn't take into account declining health in the years prior to death.

IcedPurple Sakura7
I’m well aware of the biological issues. That’s why my children are adopted. There are some drawbacks of having older parents, I know, but had my children stayed with their young, fertile birth parents, I doubt they’d even be alive today let alone having suffered trauma.

@Rufus27

IcedPurple Sakura7 I’m well aware of the biological issues. That’s why my children are adopted. There are some drawbacks of having older parents, I know, but had my children stayed with their young, fertile birth parents, I doubt they’d even be alive today let alone having suffered trauma.

That's great but it's also irrelevant to the thread, since the 'friend' wants to give birth to the baby herself.

@Rufus27 then your situation has literally no relevance to OP's situation.

I'm 48. I am not who I was at 42, when I had my third DC. And 42 is pushing the boat out. So I couldn't imagine dealing with a one year old at my age.
It's one of the hardest things you have to tell yourself as a woman, but at a certain point, you owe it to yourself to know when the ship has sailed. This is very hard to do when you've been longing for a child and haven't had one. Hell, it's hard to do when you've had a child/children and want more but can't. She's 46 and looking at donor eggs. Her chances are very slim. I do hope she's alright, your friend. I am sure she is struggling to close the door on the last chance saloon. Just be there for her, whatever happens. All you can do is be a friend and wish her good things. If she has a baby at 47 she'll be fine. It'll be tough (it's not an easy age, the late 40s) but fine. And with donor eggs, she'll have less of a worry about birth defects.

Not a good idea. I had my last baby at 40. I feel old at 52 with a 12 year old others are 25 And 22). Can't fathom being 60 with a 12 year old.

I was nearly 39 when we was born and it was much harder than DS when I was 35.

I have one friend who had a baby at 47. Late marriage. Gosh that was in 1989. Baby was an only child. Parents v wealthy. She was widowed when her daughter was 20. She wouldn't have done it differently but it has been very hard emotionally.

She is now a grandmother to three and her dd started at 25.

I had DS at 40, I can't imagine having a baby at 46+.........

It was quite normal to have a child at that age 100 years ago.
Many women had children right up to the menopause.

That simply isn't true.

Even now, with all the advances in medicine, women in their mid to late 40s usually find it very difficult if not impossible to conceive and carry a child to term. But you're telling us it was the norm 100 years ago, when fertility assistance was non-existent?

Wat to told

@diddl

" She’s been going round in circles for years about it and still doesn’t seem to think there is an urgency about her situation if she wants kids"

What is "her situation"?

If she's been trying to decide for years then she can't be that bothered?

That's what I was thinking too.

What age is the dad? Is she doing it alone?

If it's your friend then what business is it off yours?

Women in my family can have children late naturally. In this generation it means myself and my sisters have had children including only children between 40 and 50. On the other hand coming from a large family means we have siblings, nephews, nieces and cousins of various ages who want to help look after them.

Personally I wouldn't recommend. She needs to think that what age she will be when they are in the 20 and whether they will be able to financially support them at University etc.

Plus, I had my 2nd at 39 and that was knackering enough. Now i'm late 40's I'd be horrified and terrified to be pregnant.

For all you saying 'too old/no point as she'll be dead soon/etc', if a 47 year old were to become pregnant without intervention, are you suggesting that her only responsible course of action would be to terminate it?

I've been infertile since I was 29. If I were to become pregnant now (which admittedly, would be a fucking miracle), you really think it would be better for that potential baby to be dead than alive, just in case I keel over before my family's average age of death (85)?