Son's girlfriend thinks suntans are racist

[DollyDaydream70]

I could be opening a real can of worms here, but I'm genuinely gobsmacked by a few things my Son's 18yr old girlfriend said to me last night..

First of all she asked me did I think it's racist for white girls to copy black girl's style. I had no clue what she was referring to as 'black girl's style' so asked her to elaborate. She then referred to a singer called Ariane Grande (who I know literally 0 about) and said that she tans herself until she's almost black and 'dresses like a black girl'.

I've Googled said singer and all I can find is a pic of her with Nikki Minaj where, yes, she looks dark, but so what? We've been tanning since Coco Chanel made it stylish in the 1920's, and probably long before that! What are we supposed to do? Stay indoors when the sun shines ffs?!!

Son's GF also stated that it's racist for a white person to wear corn rows in their hair. I told her that my friends and I used to corn row our hair a lot in the mid to late 80's, we used to stick wooden or plastic beads on the ends of our plaits, it was quite the fashion at the time!

What do you all think about this? Please tell me this is all going too far. I'm genuinely quite perplexed that tanning and corn rows could be deemed to be racist!

I honestly wouldn’t get worked up about it. Many women like to “elongate” their eyes via eyeliner/makeup. Is that racist toward people of Chinese/Korean descent. Where does it end?

Don’t worry OP there are alot of famous people I wouldn’t know.

Like Billie Eilish (sp?)

Just because they are famous, doesn’t mean you have to know who they are

@Divoc2020 Thank you :-)

@Palladin does that mean that black women are not allowed to wear "white fashion" (whatever that is) or dye their hair blond?

Nope, because white women are not discriminated against for wearing "white fashion" and dyeing their hair.

It's very simple, if a white person is wearing a style that a black person would face discrimination for (dreadlocks, braids etc) and is instead seen to be being fashionable, that's cultural appropriation and it's racist.

@Soubriquet thank you, I'm 50 years old.. my musical knowledge is stuck somewhere around 1986!

Soontobe60 colorism is a thing within African and Asian societies - basically people being considered more attractive/superior if they have lighter skin tones.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

I hadn’t ever given it my thought before now but actually something about the way AG styles herself definitely doesn’t sit right with me. I actually thought she was black until I realised she was the same actress that was in a Nickelodeon show that my niece used to watch 5-10 years ago. Going to learn more about “black fishing”...

On a more general note, I don’t know how much sun tanning / fake tanning on its own comes under a racist issue. Most women I know who want to look a bit darker don’t want to be mistaken for a black person, just that they think tanned skin is more attractive. In the same way that Asian people who bleach their skin don’t want to be mistaken for a white person, they just think paler skin is more attractive. (But obviously crosses into a race issue if they take that further with other aesthetic changes.)

@doadeer
They must conform to western ideals of beauty which is sleek, shiny hair.

Are black women who were born in the West not Western women? Are they always tied to Africa via race, which most scientists call a social construct? Every country has its concept of beauty. Nobody is forced to conform, though of course there is pressure, especially for women. But I do not see what is racist about it. People like what they like. Everybody is prejudiced in their subjective standards of beauty. Google “biology”.

Tbf Ariana isn't much darker than the TOWIE bunch.

Amijust are you a person of colour because generally such ridiculous comments are rarely made by people who are and made by inflammatory idiots who incite hated
OP you don't need to do better. Your sons girlfriend is a immature twit .
And before anyone asks I am a very proud Indian woman

So if white women cant braid their hair, should black women straighten theirs? Cultural approbation goes both ways.

I know more black women who straighten their hair than white women who braid it.

The problem with comparing skin lightening to sun tans is the way that white people aren't told from being young that they need to change their skin colour to be desirable, and employable. It's the same with the hairstyles - hairstyles that are used to protect black hair serve more purpose than to just look good. People are told their natural hair is unprofessional, but then told that their hair with protective styles is unprofessional. I probably haven't worded this great.

@StatementKnickers why are cornrows not appropriate for white people? It's a bloody hair style.

some people just need to get in the sea

@LittleDonk

Tbf Ariana isn't much darker than the TOWIE bunch.

less orange though...

I read the title of this post as 'Son's Girlfriend thinks sultanas are racist'.

Think I might need glasses...!

30 years ago my half Indian friend got a tight perm on her waist length hair. She was stunning and the hair which she wore tied in a scarf made her look not unlike Lisa Bonet
Lisa in her youth

My friend isn’t white but she isn’t Afro Caribbean either.

What about a french plat? is that ok? or pulling your hair in a tight bun?

I understand the argument about e.g. the double standards inherent in telling black women that braids are unprofessional, yet suddenly making them cool on white women.

What I find difficult sometimes is in the crossover between what I would consider 'multi-culturalism' and the accusations of cultural appropriation. It seems to me that if people admire an aspect of another culture and want to share in it/ emulate it then it has the potential to be something that brings people together?

So e.g.

• Jazz music
• Indian food in the UK
• The whole 'Bollywood' thing (my Indian friend organises Bollywood balls and parties - isn't she appropriating her own culture?)

-What about rap music?

• Or Yoga?
• Hoop earrings?
• Sarongs?

-Chinese medicine?

I choose not to watch or read the news

Well, you can hardly be surprised that you're ill-informed then.

[quote Cam77]@doadeer
They must conform to western ideals of beauty which is sleek, shiny hair.

Are black women who were born in the West not Western women? Are they always tied to Africa via race, which most scientists call a social construct? Every country has its concept of beauty. Nobody is forced to conform, though of course there is pressure, especially for women. But I do not see what is racist about it. People like what they like. Everybody is prejudiced in their subjective standards of beauty. Google “biology”.[/quote]
I didn't say they aren't western but the western ideal of beauty isn't afro-centric.

If I moved to Japan I wouldn't fit the beauty ideals they have there, even if I was born there as a white women.

Every single black woman I know has suffered abuse based on her hair or skin colour and felt pressure to have sleek straight hair. A former boss had mixed race children and her daughter would regularly come home in tears at 5 years old saying she wished she had hair like her mum because the other girls at school said a princess didn't have hair like her. Her mum was devastated

"It's very simple, if a white person is wearing a style that a black person would face discrimination for (dreadlocks, braids etc) [then it's racist]."

Why?
I know I'll get shouted at, but I'll risk that since I am genuinely curious. I don't understanding the difference between cultural exchange, celebrating other cultures by emulating them and whatever CA is.

When it was in fashion in 1970s for white Americans to get afros, was this racist -- why?

apparently once when I was a toddler (about 1969), my (black) babysitter put my blonde hair in corn-rows. My mom thought it was adorable.

Babysitter did it = fine.
If my white mom had done it = evil.

Why?

On another note, I miss seeing black people with natural afro hair. It's not my battle, but I feel something akin to outrage & dismay that a natural way of hair existing seems to be stigmatised.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

Soontobe60 colorism is a thing within African and Asian societies - basically people being considered more attractive/superior if they have lighter skin tones.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

And yet MB seems to shout from the rooftops about being 'authentic'. And yes, I agree, two wrongs don't make a right. But is AG being set up or not? Compare the two images. Photoshopping distorts the truth.

Just googled her - she's of Italian-American descent. She's got a similar skin tone to my DM (Half Sicillian)

Being tanned in itself isn't racist, because many white people tan naturally just through sitting in the sun or even just walking about. If it's part of a whole 'look' with braids and various cosmetic changes then you do have to wonder if they're blackfishing.