Son's girlfriend thinks suntans are racist

[DollyDaydream70]

I could be opening a real can of worms here, but I'm genuinely gobsmacked by a few things my Son's 18yr old girlfriend said to me last night..

First of all she asked me did I think it's racist for white girls to copy black girl's style. I had no clue what she was referring to as 'black girl's style' so asked her to elaborate. She then referred to a singer called Ariane Grande (who I know literally 0 about) and said that she tans herself until she's almost black and 'dresses like a black girl'.

I've Googled said singer and all I can find is a pic of her with Nikki Minaj where, yes, she looks dark, but so what? We've been tanning since Coco Chanel made it stylish in the 1920's, and probably long before that! What are we supposed to do? Stay indoors when the sun shines ffs?!!

Son's GF also stated that it's racist for a white person to wear corn rows in their hair. I told her that my friends and I used to corn row our hair a lot in the mid to late 80's, we used to stick wooden or plastic beads on the ends of our plaits, it was quite the fashion at the time!

What do you all think about this? Please tell me this is all going too far. I'm genuinely quite perplexed that tanning and corn rows could be deemed to be racist!

@nancy75 you are right re trap houses - I've never heard of them but silly little pop singers trying to up their cool quotient by referencing this kind of thing, suggesting they are a black thing, and pretending to be black is most definitely not ok.

It's racism even if unintended (because intentions don't matter) and worse because of her audience of impressions able teens.

The AGs of this world are not great talent driving their own careers (despite what her SM might say) and there must be a raft of industry people behind the video and concept. They should be shot. Just more American marketing. Quite frankly I wish the US music industry marketing machine would just give it a rest. They are ruining actual music and actual talent isn't getting a look in because they don't 'look right' or have the temerity to want to sing/perform how they want instead of the soft porn/sanitised warbling we are bombarded with now.

I've just caught up with the whole of the thread and as I said 12 pages ago I'm a redheaded Scot living in Scotland. The thread has certainly informed me about a lot of things like Blackfishing. If AG is doing this then surely black people won't be fouled by it and if they take exception can call it out. I've always known she was not black having seen her in her Disney days and I'm a 64 year old Scottish white woman so surely others won't be fouled.
I think there are more important things to look at in response to racism that we white people need to be aware of but the posters who come on here saying that the thread is so 70s or that we are reiterating racist attitudes in our questioning of this are just ridiculous. If that is the case then point it out and explain to us lesser beings what exactly has offended. Don't make stupid self important comments without backing them up please.

It's racism even if unintended (because intentions don't matter)

Intentions don't matter in that what is wrong is wrong regardless of if one meant to do wrong or not... BUT

Intentions do matter in that before anyone is 'cancelled', their intention should be questioned and considered - Someone who was unaware and have now learnt something they said or did is offensive and have apologised or stopped or both is different from someone who's knowingly said/done something or someone not bothered after they've been told how offensive they are and have carried on.

Think it should be treated on an individual/case by case basis.

The gf is talking about cultural appropriation she’s not saying that sun tans are racist. As for Ariane Grande I have no idea if she’s doing that or not, she’s of Italian descent so is natural dark/ olive skinned and darker eyes anyway. I do t thinks he’s trying to look ‘black but maybe the girlfriend just doesn’t like her .shes really for younger kids I thought.

It’s the ‘cool’ that comes with ghetto culture without the poverty and hardship. Same old, same old. All the cherries and none of the stones.

I know a lot of Sicilian-Americans and people descended from people who recently emigrated from Sicily, and second and third generation Sicilians. They all have a tendency to tan really, really dark.

That’s nice but it doesn’t make them not white people. Being able to tan really really dark doesn’t make you a black person. Nor does the fact that some North Africans lived on those lands a thousand years ago make the average Sicilian able to claim black ancestry. By your logic any white American who happens to tan really really dark can claim they must have a Native American ancestor because only 200yrs ago that’s what all the people in those lands were.

I remember being asked the ethnicity of my daughter as she was quite tanned at the age of about 5 looking like Mogli (heavily lotioned in P20). Never knew why as this question was from a stranger. I was not so tanned. I said her dad is Jewish. She still asked what the ethnicity of my daughter was. I had to insist and ask what was her need to know. It was simply as I was so much lighter than my daughter. I answered "who knows" and getting peeed off inside. Nowadays someone would probably have her in court!! Just considered her a mindless T...

That’s nice but it doesn’t make them not white people

But it would explain why Grande is the colour she is. If her skin naturally tans, what is she supposed to do?

@MintyMabel

That’s nice but it doesn’t make them not white people

But it would explain why Grande is the colour she is. If her skin naturally tans, what is she supposed to do?

No “it” does not explain why AG can tan. White people dont need to be mixed race to get the ability to tan. The ability to tan is natural in white people.

The ability to tan is natural in white people.

Not all. I'm super pale and at a push can develop a little pinkness coupled with heat stroke.

Regarding OP: there's a range of distinctive cultural and behavioural reevaluations going on [there no doubt always are but we have an added internet / SM enhanced dimension] and it is good to be able to discuss these things in a helpful and informative way.

There's nothing wrong imo with white people wearing "black" hairstyles such as dreadlocks, cornrows etc.

I just saw her before and after pics a lot of surgery and bronzing. I guess she's after that Latin market. Christina Aguilera did the same early 2000s

Your sons got a moron for a gf. Hopefully shes not 'the one'. Like black people have to dress like a black person. What even is that. Shes racist.

@amijustparanoidorjuststoned

OP, you've clearly not kept up with the Black Lives Matter movements and discussion around racism.

I would suggest you Google this cause, as well as "black-fishing" and "cultural appropriation". I think your son's girlfriend might be taking things a tiny bit too far where the natural melanin in a person's skin is concerned if they go outside... but it's not acceptable for you to be absolutely clueless.

The post that you have written screams "white privilege" (look that up too!). Do better.

Talk about clueless.

Using the term 'white privilege' is racist. It judges people and places them in a category based purely on their skin colour and nothing else. Thats what racism is. The actual definition, and is absolutely reprehensible.

The once victims of racism are now beginning to use the same behaviour as they suffered horribly for throughout history. Its appalling and you'd expect them to have better understanding.

Have to say that I sometimes find all the knights in shining armour/white saviours a bit grating myself.

Nothing wrong with supporting a cause, but the above seem to have usurped (appropriated?) the conversation and seem to wait in the wings desperate to pounce and whitesplain the latest racist thought crime to their fellow caucasians.

I'd be entirely unsurprised if many POC rolled their eyes at this too. All the self important, self indulgent woke signalling. But it's alright because it's all for a good cause.

I'd be entirely unsurprised if many POC rolled their eyes at this too. All the self important, self indulgent woke signalling. But it's alright because it's all for a good cause.

We do. I'm sick of white people acting like they know all about my experience, and like they have some sort of special status above me and they must so graciously offer me their hand to try and pull me up to their level.

Not all white people- most of them are normal and try and just get on with things. It's just a few loud "woke" ones that do it.

FYI - I'm Asian. I'm the majority. Not Caucasians. HTH

The issue with corn rows is that black women are often told that their hairstyles are unprofessional when often they're protective for their hair types. When white women wear them they're 'cool' and allowed. It's the double standards.

This is tosh: if a white woman walked into the office with a mega perm (afro) or dreadlocks she would be e told it looked unprofessional, her boss wouldn't be like 'great look Frances, so cool!'

If I were a boss and my Indian employee wore a Bindi or nose stud or my black employee wore braids I wouldnt dream of telling them not to. If my white employee walked in like that I'd ask them to a) consider whether that might offend anyone and b) stop it.

One of my arms is significantly more tanned than the other due to the amount of driving I do. I wonder what the OPs son's GF would think of that? 🤔

This is tosh: if a white woman walked into the office with a mega perm (afro) or dreadlocks she would be e told it looked unprofessional, her boss wouldn't be like 'great look Frances, so cool!'

If I were a boss and my Indian employee wore a Bindi or nose stud or my black employee wore braids I wouldnt dream of telling them not to. If my white employee walked in like that I'd ask them to a) consider whether that might offend anyone and b) stop it.

Exactly.

I don't think most employers would dare comment on an ethnic woman's hair. It's like all the stories about 'I held the door open for a feminist and she shouted at me', which very likely never actually happened.

My Jamaican workmate has a massive beard and jokes that they're too scared to ask him to cut it (it's not part of his religion at all).

Jeez. Hope they break up soon haha if she is saying those things and believing them.. She wouldn't be able to straighten her hair or get white girl drunk

Alisonjabub it wouldn’t let me quote your post for some reason.

Just my opinion but I think the White Privilege rhetoric is dangerous. There is a a lot of psychology at play, to the ladies that might disagree, hear me out, not saying this to upset anyone but my observation is that it causes a lot of division, if you say White Privilege to most people that work hard and have known struggle, that term will get their backs up straight away as they won’t perceive themselves to of had privilege or opportunities handed to them, I understand the sentiment of WP but the wording is wrong, I believe it means White Bias. Whereas someone on the other side of it might start to feel like they’re not worthy of privilege or opportunity because they don’t have the perceived White Privilege, then cue all the Virtue Signallers stirring the pot, that believe they have White Privilege and might even believe that they are better than some people because of WP.

There are plenty of people on Youtube and Facebook in America that speak out about how White Privilege is a myth and even find the insinuation insulting that they don’t have ‘privilege’.

After seeing ‘Educate yourself’ on lots of SM platforms recently I looked into BLM and there is a lot of controversy around them, a lot of people have got behind the movement for all the right reasons but it would seem the organisation itself has some very questionable policies, there is mystery around where the funding goes and all I see is that they are causing division and sending race relations back. Divide and conquer, is it Black vs White or more Rich vs Poor?

We need to stop arguing about WP, Cultural Appropriation and all the other mind boggling buzz words that are flying around atm and unite to lift each other up. (Not necessarily on this thread as it’s been a good debate) but in general, people argue all over SM.

If I were a boss and my Indian employee wore a Bindi or nose stud or my black employee wore braids I wouldnt dream of telling them not to. If my white employee walked in like that I'd ask them to a) consider whether that might offend anyone and b) stop it.

You’d ask a non indian person to remove their nose stud?

I’m a white woman with southern Italian heritage. This is my skin tone in summer. I wear SPF50 daily, but still tan very deeply. Can’t help it—sorry. Your son’s girlfriend is a little bonkers.

Also, to the poster earlier who discussed whether Italians are white or not, Italians were considered “other” during mass emigration to the US in the early twentieth century. Obviously that has changed.

@bluebluezoo yes, piercing that don’t have a cultural or religious background often need to be removed. I have a nose stud that I can’t wear at work, my Indian colleagues can wear theirs. Mine is a fashion items, theirs have cultural significance. Easy. Similar with dresscode.

That’s news to me. Does that include ears as well?
Nigerians can wear ear studs but other employees can’t?

In the 30 years i’ve had my piercing, working for various public and private bodies it’s never been commented on.