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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see DC after holiday abroad with exH

141 replies

WearyandBleary · 12/07/2020 11:43

ExH is taking teen DC to Spain with his partner and her children in two weeks.

AIBU to want him to self isolate with them for at least a week afterwards? I feel sick at the thought of 200 people in a budget airplane there and back and the associated risks.

He said the two week isolation rule has changed and they are coming back to mine from the airport. I am so stressed!

AIBU to want them to self isolate after the flights?

OP posts:
ReefTeeth · 12/07/2020 13:52

@Whoknowswhocares

From your posts so far it appears there are no significant health concerns. So it’s ok for the teens to go to Spain, get COVID and stay at their fathers afterwards.But not ok to come home and risk YOU getting it? Hmm

Either you are concerned enough that Spain is off the table for now (over reaction imo but your choice) and you have to confront that awkward situation with them and their father, or it’s ok, in which case they come home after the holiday as planned

How some people just make up the story to fit their own agenda 🙄

OP can't stop her ex taking DC to Spain. But she can say if he thinks there's no risk then he can have the DC quarantine at his after the trip to be sure.

Original poster
WearyandBleary · 12/07/2020 13:55

I hate that they are going at all but DH won’t cancel because he will lose money. I am very worried.

OP posts:
Dullardmullard · 12/07/2020 13:55

@QuestionMarkNow

YABU because they are more at risk in the U.K. doing day to day things (eg go to a restaurant, cinema, amusement park etc etc)
Excuse me how so.
user1471462428 · 12/07/2020 13:57

I understand where you’re coming from. I was highly anxious about being infected with covid and not realising and infecting my patients with it. When you are working with the most vulnerable in society you should do everything in your power to protect. But at the same time you need to see your kids and have a life. It’s a tough juggling act at the moment.

vanillandhoney · 12/07/2020 13:57

Excuse me how so.

Cases in the UK population are higher than in Spain. Plus, in England, there is no requirement to wear a mask indoors either, and social distancing is reduced to just 1m. Whereas in Spain, masks are mandatory in all public spaces - they will arguably be far more protected abroad.

Dullardmullard · 12/07/2020 13:58

I’m with you OP

They self isolate at his when home
They are teens so they won’t be missing their other parent that much and we have a thing called a phone.

corythatwas · 12/07/2020 14:05

From your posts so far it appears there are no significant health concerns. So it’s ok for the teens to go to Spain, get COVID and stay at their fathers afterwards.But not ok to come home and risk YOU getting it?

The OP works in the NHS so could potentially be putting very vulnerable patients at risk. That's the thing about an infectious disease- it's never just about you.

Mittens030869 · 12/07/2020 14:06

I was going to answer YABU until you said they were teenagers. That's fair enough, especially as you work in the NHS.

Also, I agree with @81Byerley that those posters who constantly tell us that COVID-19 is very low risk focus only on the risk of death. But like your friend I've had long-term symptoms since the end of February and I'm only now coming out of it.

And yes, people saying it's 'just flu' don't understand that it isn't just a bad cold. It really isn't and people die of that too. (I was nearly hospitalised when I had flu last year and it turned into pneumonia.

I don't know what I would do in your situation. In view of the fact that COVID-19 is spread by people who aren't symptomatic, I would probably feel the same.

Ponoka7 · 12/07/2020 14:06

@Coronabegone, what News are you watching? The infection rate has risen, here in Liverpool among the 15-25 year olds because of the protests and all attending house parties afterwards. It's probably the case in other cities. We have mobile testing units in shopping areas to monitor the situation.

It's perfectly valid to cut down on possible infection, especially if you are working within the NHS. The ideal would be to order tests for their return, get them back off and then only around three days will the teen be delayed from returning home.

Nousernameforme · 12/07/2020 14:06

For the people saying they are more at risk in the U.K you do realise that most people on the planes will be from the U.K.

Ponoka7 · 12/07/2020 14:09

@vanillandhoney, but tje OP's Son will be in an airport with British people for at least two hours, then on a plane and in an airport again. Then repeat . So it doesn't matter if the infection rate, at the moment (before all the British people turned up there, from this week) is less in Spain.

corythatwas · 12/07/2020 14:09

For the people saying they are more at risk in the U.K you do realise that most people on the planes will be from the U.K.

this

BluebellForest836 · 12/07/2020 14:11

Get a grip. They are your kids and your going to refuse to have them just because they went to Spain.

Durgasarrow · 12/07/2020 14:13

I completely agree with you. Let them stay with their father. I live in the U.S., in one of the "good states" where the transmission rate has gone down. But people, can you not look at the news across the pond and see what is going on? This is really bad.

Original poster
WearyandBleary · 12/07/2020 14:16

Yes I am not worried about Spain - I am worried about the airport, the plane and the idiots from the Uk that they will be travelling with for hours.

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 12/07/2020 14:17

[quote Ponoka7]@vanillandhoney, but tje OP's Son will be in an airport with British people for at least two hours, then on a plane and in an airport again. Then repeat . So it doesn't matter if the infection rate, at the moment (before all the British people turned up there, from this week) is less in Spain.[/quote]
True. But OP works in a hospital and has colleagues who have been in ICU and then coming home to her children every night. Surely that's far more dangerous than sitting in a plane with a mask on for a few hours?

If she's really worried, maybe get the children to stay at ex's for an extra night on their return to shower and get everything washed before they come home?

GreenTulips · 12/07/2020 14:17

He is perfectly entitled...

Which is why the infection rate is high.

Feb up of reading about selfish Brits doing whatever they like and sod the rest of their communities.

Well done OP for caring for/about others.

You seem to be in quite the minority.

midnightstar66 · 12/07/2020 14:22

Younger dc you'd be totally U but as older teens I imagine they and you will be just fine for an extra week. They're still with a parent. At that age give the choice is definitely have still picked the holiday even if it meant a week before going home after.

UltimateWednesday · 12/07/2020 14:26

I can understand not wanting to have "people" around who have just been on a flight, but for your own children I think you have to make an exception and take what precautions you can in the house .

Ginisatonic · 12/07/2020 14:32

I’m with you OP. Their father wants to take them on holiday. He can have them for a week or two when they get home. Or does he just want to pick the good times?
@Mumblechum0 I assume you weren’t tested as you say you had it in March? Maybe you just had a cold.

Polly111 · 12/07/2020 14:40

Yanbu, is unfair that your ex gets to make a decision that would potentially affect your health. He gets a nice jolly in Spain with the kids but you have to deal with the potential aftermath and time off work if you need to isolate. If you lose pay due to this I’m guessing he wouldn't be offering to compensate you. He’s put you in a really awful position of either not seeing your kids for weeks or being at risk.

Foreign travel has been allowed for economic purposes, not because its safe. It’s common sense that any airport packed full of people from all over is a really dangerous place to be. It’s not just the air but it’s risk from surfaces eg toilets.

I also think that if someone’s got a holiday booked and they get a call from test and trace the day before telling them to isolate they will probably just go on holiday rather than lose thousands of pounds.

Melonslicexx · 12/07/2020 14:43

Maybe a few days but not weeks. As long as they are happy with their dad. You feel how you feel. Anxiety, worry etc is very real for people right now. If you wouldn't do it yourself right now then it's something you are not comfortable with.

WeAllHaveWings · 12/07/2020 14:44

I wouldn't go to Spain myself, and if it was my choice alone my dc wouldn't be going either, so totally understand you op, especially when this increased risk is being forced upon you.

I don't have the answer though. I would investigate if you can block him even taking them abroad, if you can't then be firm and say you won't have them back until they have isolated as working for the NHS it puts you and your vulnerable patients at risk.

SockYarn · 12/07/2020 14:50

sick at the thought

Bit of an overreaction. Waits for the OP to drip feed that she has all manner of life-threatening illnesses, and is a carer for her 120 year old grandparents.

Because that level of anxiety is unjustified otherwise.

BatShite · 12/07/2020 14:54

I don't think this would bother me. Mainly as we are told how effective masks are, and all airlines appear to have a strict mask only if you want to even enter airport let alone board..policy going on.

I know this as I was looking to see if I could maybe get away for a few days as I am depressed as hell recently, but was told under no circumstances would anyone be able to NOT wear a mask, and my asthma has thus far hampered any attempt to find a mask that doesn't make me ill. So its tough for now for me it seems.