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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see DC after holiday abroad with exH

141 replies

WearyandBleary · 12/07/2020 11:43

ExH is taking teen DC to Spain with his partner and her children in two weeks.

AIBU to want him to self isolate with them for at least a week afterwards? I feel sick at the thought of 200 people in a budget airplane there and back and the associated risks.

He said the two week isolation rule has changed and they are coming back to mine from the airport. I am so stressed!

AIBU to want them to self isolate after the flights?

OP posts:
newstart1234 · 12/07/2020 12:49

If they’re old enough to understand the rational and don’t have strong objections than I don’t see why not. It seems a sensible precaution to me.

ECBC · 12/07/2020 12:50

It’s understandable you are worried given your experiences but will be difficult if your EXH doesn’t agree. If he’s the one taking them he should have to deal with the consequences ie isolation. However as it’s no longer required it is more of a grey area. I don’t think there’s a straightforward answer here. Are you worried about the DC going or are you mainly focussed on the isolation at the end? Agree that most Gov decisions seem to be made on the economic impact and not health.

Wannabegreenfingers · 12/07/2020 12:52

Yabvu. They are your children and yes three weeks without seeing them would be terrible. I hope they have a thoroughly wonderful time with their dad.

Velvian · 12/07/2020 12:54

This stupid rule on MN, where you're only allowed to be cautious about your health or that of your family if you're shielding. I'd be interested to know the proportion shielding/not shielding people that died or who are experiencing ongoing health problems.

I wouldn't be going on a plane at the moment.

TypingError · 12/07/2020 12:57

YANBU.

Hushabusha · 12/07/2020 13:00

So OP should be welcoming her children back with open arms after the airport but people who don't wear masks to the shop /lean past shoppers to pick something off a shelf,despite having seen nobody in months are putting other people's lives at risk on other threads? CV has stopped people thinking logically

nancy75 · 12/07/2020 13:01

To those saying op is unreasonable, what if the kids come back & develop symptoms? Why should the op be the parent having to take time off work to self quarantine when it’s her ex that’s taken them on the holiday?

QuestionMarkNow · 12/07/2020 13:02

YABU because they are more at risk in the U.K. doing day to day things (eg go to a restaurant, cinema, amusement park etc etc)

CottonSock · 12/07/2020 13:02

Totally sensible idea

QuestionMarkNow · 12/07/2020 13:04

@Hushabusha

So OP should be welcoming her children back with open arms after the airport but people who don't wear masks to the shop /lean past shoppers to pick something off a shelf,despite having seen nobody in months are putting other people's lives at risk on other threads? CV has stopped people thinking logically
Yep.

That’s why I see day to day stuff in the uk more dangerous
In a plane they will be wearing a mask, as will the other passengers. They will be safer than in a lot of other situations (I would include spending the afternoon with friends there too)

ReefTeeth · 12/07/2020 13:07

@QuestionMarkNow

YABU because they are more at risk in the U.K. doing day to day things (eg go to a restaurant, cinema, amusement park etc etc)
How are they more at risk in the UK than going to Spain Confused
Whoknowswhocares · 12/07/2020 13:09

From your posts so far it appears there are no significant health concerns. So it’s ok for the teens to go to Spain, get COVID and stay at their fathers afterwards.But not ok to come home and risk YOU getting it? Hmm

Either you are concerned enough that Spain is off the table for now (over reaction imo but your choice) and you have to confront that awkward situation with them and their father, or it’s ok, in which case they come home after the holiday as planned

Coconutmeg · 12/07/2020 13:11

Yanbu

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/07/2020 13:14

I think the regurgitated air in an aeroplane would worry me.

Personally having been out and about with pub gardens having screens around tables and making sure I SD in supermarkets I do think they are putting you and anyone you come into contact with through your NHS job at unnecessary risk

Could you SD in the house.
I.e separate rooms. Wipe down surfaces and handles etc when you have been somewhere or used something

I do think they should be isolating together for at least 5-10 days after they have returned

Coronabegone · 12/07/2020 13:15

I think a whole lot can change in two weeks. I predict that now travel is back on cases will spike like whack-a-mole. I don’t envy separated parenting. I’d be unhappy with them going at all.

Yeah like VE Day, Cornish beaches, Primark opening, BLM rallies

none of which made cases spike.

YABU OP, let them enjoy a holiday with their father and come home as planned. Don't pass your OTT anxiety on to them.

Coyoacan · 12/07/2020 13:16

From your posts so far it appears there are no significant health concerns. So it’s ok for the teens to go to Spain, get COVID and stay at their fathers afterwards.But not ok to come home and risk YOU getting it?

Not only... but also OP works in the NHS and has seen people in ICU

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/07/2020 13:18

YANBU.

The advice has changed for expedient reasons but the virus has not got any less dangerous.

Personally, I'd be anxious about them going at all.

Oxyiz · 12/07/2020 13:19

So he wants to take them on a holiday (which seems bonkers to me but okay, other people want to) then ditch them on you when they'd be more likely to get sick if it was going to happen. Some nice Disney Dad stuff going on there.

Coronabegone · 12/07/2020 13:19

To those saying op is unreasonable, what if the kids come back & develop symptoms? Why should the op be the parent having to take time off work to self quarantine when it’s her ex that’s taken them on the holiday?

The ex would have to quarantine also, if he has been with the children.

nancy75 · 12/07/2020 13:31

Yes the ex would haVe to quarantine, But if the kids stay with him the op wouldn’t have to quarantine.

SauvignonBlanche · 12/07/2020 13:37

He said the two week isolation rule has changed

It has in England, is that where you live OP?

ASundayWellSpent · 12/07/2020 13:45

If its in a few weeks it might not be going ahead, and Spain is having very strict measures in place anyway. Currently two regions have been put under lock down again. Masks are obligatory ALL THE TIME indoors, outdoors, alone or in company, even in the car. I would be most worried about them getting infected during the travel, but if it were my kids I would still want them to come straight home. Wouldn't be impressed with Ex taking them abroad though, or with him dictating to me

Nousernameforme · 12/07/2020 13:47

You can't stop him dropping them back to yours but you can make them self isolate in their rooms. When this all started we had to isolate and the person with the symptoms my ds was isolated from the rest of the family. He stayed in his room for 7 days other than the bathroom I brought up food and drinks and cleaned the bathroom down with bleach after he used it.

It was a pain in the arse don't get me wrong but it might be worth it for your peace of mind.

Lostmyshityear9 · 12/07/2020 13:50

@Whoknowswhocares

From your posts so far it appears there are no significant health concerns. So it’s ok for the teens to go to Spain, get COVID and stay at their fathers afterwards.But not ok to come home and risk YOU getting it? Hmm

Either you are concerned enough that Spain is off the table for now (over reaction imo but your choice) and you have to confront that awkward situation with them and their father, or it’s ok, in which case they come home after the holiday as planned

Unfortunately, there will be nothing the OP can do about the holiday so she needs to accept that which she clearly does. However, it's not unreasonable to want to protect herself from getting ill in case the children contract the illness whilst travelling and abroad, particularly given that their contact in an airport, for example, will be potentially with thousands of people.

OP - I am absolutely with you on this one. My ex would be the same, however. Just drop them back and let me deal with the consequences. I think you will probably need to accept that there wont' be anything you can do about it but you are not wrong to feel concerned in the current situation.

vanillandhoney · 12/07/2020 13:51

How are they more at risk in the UK than going to Spain

You are more at risk going on holiday here than you are abroad, as the number of cases in the population is higher here.